Regretting a one night stand

LegacyUser

Male, early 20's here. On firday night last, I was out and was extremly drunk. Long story short, I ended up going home with a woman about 15 years older than me. I woke up the next morning not knowing where I was and realised that I did not even know her name and found her very unattractive. Could not understand how I got so drunk that I decided going home with a girl that much older than me was a good idea.

I honestly don't believe I have a drinking problem as I can take or leave the drink and normally when I do have a nice few beers I am someway in control still. I guess I feel so ashamed at what I did, and am praying that no one saw me leave with her. She said the next mroning she was not even that drunk so I nearly feel taken advantage of for lack of a better phrase.

I'm trying my best to just forget it, but I can't shake this guilt and regret at what I have done. I have had a few one night stands in the past ( maybe 3-4 ) but have never felt the shame that I did after this one.
Thanks for reading

minidazzler

I hate to be rude, but what do you want from this?

You made a drunken mistake, you will forget about it in time.

She may not have been pissed, but that doesn't mean you were taken advantage of, especially since you don't know how you acted on the night, you most likely came across as very up for it. She's not your mother, she shouldn't have to ask "Are you sure you wanna do this."

It's just sex, if you aren't attracted to her then don't call her, it's over, it hasn't changed you as a person.

The guilt and regret will fade soon enough.

Alot of things seem like a good idea when drunk, alot of them are not, though I fail to see why this is so bad TBH.

Just because you got drunk and had sex doesn't mean you do have a drinking problem. Drunkeness in my experience has only about 50% to do with how much you drink, and the other 50 is how you are feeling when you head out.

There is no advice that will magicly take away the shame TBH, so just live with it and let it fade.

petethebrick

Yeah, sounds like you need to grow up a bit OP.
Your whole post comes across as if its not the one night stand that you regret but rather that you're worried about what your mates would think if they saw the woman you were with. Aren't you a bit old to be worried about what people think about who you're shagging???
Newsflash: many people have one night stands with ugly people, it happens. No big deal. It'll probably happen you again, so stop whining about it and just forget about it.

ps From experience ,when you say she was 15 years older than you what you really mean is that she was about 30 years older than right??

ziedth

I agree OP,

Laugh it off I mean so what? No one was killed, if your mayes find out I'd imagine you'll get a bit of a slagging.

If it is really bothering you and it really shouldn't be that much just don't drink to that level anymore.

LegacyUser

TBH OP you sound like you are shallow in the extreme.

As another poster pointed out all you seem to be concerned about is that your mates might find out and the fact that the woman was unattractive. Would it have made a difference if she was attractive? If you had woken up with an attractive 20 year old and couldn't remember a thing would you be posting that you must have been taken advantage of. I think not. You make no reference to the woman's feelings in any of this. How do you know what she was feeling the next day. maybe she was full of regret and remorse. You went out, got drunk and laid and are now regretful because she was old and unattractive and not your mates might find out. I have zero sympathy for you. I suggest you cop on and grow up!

LegacyUser

Op here.

Didn't mean to come across as shallow but to be honest I have reread my post and it does come across as being shallow. I know I stated that in previous one night stand I didn't feel the same shame, but I still did feel some shame.

I guess I feel guilty that I have one night stands and despite me not being religious, it still seems to me that I have done something immoral. Perhaps it coupled with the anxiety of a hangover afterwards started me thinking like this. I guess I know it will fade over the next few days, but I think I feel like I always do after one night stands, that I have left myself down a little. Anyway thanks for the replies...

entropi

Op, just chalk this one up to experience is all you can do.

You'll know in future how to deal with the situation, as to whether you wanna have sex with another woman 15+ years older or not without thinking it through first. Drink can play some wierd games on us lads...gotta control it!:D

Elle Collins

Guilt and shame are quite common responses to one night stands OP. I'm in no way surprised you feel as you do, especially given you woke to discover that the woman was someone you found very unattractive. What happened there is simple: You realised that you made a decision you would never have made sober, that is to say you would never have been intimate with this person in the fullness of your senses. That in itself would cause a person to feel badly about themselves.

Don't mind the nonsense you've read so far on this thread. Nobody enjoys waking up naked with a gargoyle beside them (although I very much doubt her unattractiveness had anything to do with her age)

All you can do is learn a lesson from it and move on. I must add though that I can't help feeling if a woman had posted this there would be a somewhat more sympathetic general response.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad about what happened. Men, like women, can feel awful after a one night stand and that is OK. Just because you are a bloke, you shouldn't feel pressured to get over it and move on. You are obviously affected by this so take your time with it. You should get checked out for STI...and perhaps not party yourself into such a state again. Also mind your drink when out and about. Men are not immune from spiking...

It's not nice waking up somewhere and not remembering what happened. It's not nice feeling that you had no control over it and were taking advantage of. It's a little like being raped (dare I say)...

Be good to yourself and don't be too hard on yourself if you can. Don't be embarrassed to talk to someone if the feeling of guilt persist. As for other people seeing you leave with her...say nothing, unless something is said to you. And it this happens, just tell them that you shared a taxi...

x

gandalf

Ok you've done the walk of shame, chalk it up to experience and don't go as crazy with the drink next time you are out (you now know the consequences!).