Long holiday with my ex

LegacyUser

Need advice.

Background. Had long term relationship with my ex boyfriend, we were close. The relationship lasted 6 years. Bad break up and then we started talking again. He started dating soon as we broke up, he had two relationships since me, nothing lasted. We talk everyday online and he texts me everyday as well, even when he was dating. We are talking and when I say talking that is all. We have not met or seen each other since the break up. He is on his own now and has not dated or found someone yet.

Now, I know we are friends but not on the same level we were before we started dating. Out of the blue, just before the weekend last, he sent me a text saying, he had a weird idea and wanted me to come online to discuss it. I was in the middle of watching a good movie and he knew I was doing my own thing, but still insisted. I didn't know what he was on about. Anyway he rang me and told me that he was thinking about going on holiday to Italy and he wanted to ask me to come with him and the reason was that I was fun to be with.

He said it would be a ferry trip, he would bring his car and we would 'road trip' across Europe for two weeks!! Stopping off at various cities and countries all the way down to Italy and back through Switzerland! This would take place sometime in one of the summer months. He said nothing was set it stone but I told him I would think about it and tell him when I have made my mind up.

So the thing for me is this, I do not know what is going on with him. I ask stuff and get lame answers. We don't talk on the phone or online to any great length. I do not know why he really has asked me, considering he is looking for someone else and he is hardly likely to be bothered going across Europe with me, when he may have found someone new.
What if it was booked and then he got a new gf?

Btw he lives in England and I live in Ireland.

Have you been on holiday with your ex? How did it go?

PK2008

I couldnt think of anything more awkward than going on holiday with an ex, unless of course it was with an ex and their new boyfriend who also happened to be my Da

Im not sure what he's playing at OP, but it sounds like a very bad idea to me.

sbsquarepants

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! Wild horses could not drag me away on holidays with an ex, no matter how fond of them i was or how well we got on, not in a million years!
In my opinion, the past is best left in the past

Miss Fluff

You don't say in your post how you feel about your ex. Do you want to get back with him?

Jenneke87

There´s a reason why he is your ex. If things get awkward between the two of you your stuck with him for two weeks. This is nothing more than disaster in the form of a nice sounding plan. Don´t fall for it.

LegacyUser

OP here,

In answer to one of the questions about how I feel about my ex and whether I want to get back with him.

I feel nothing but friendship towards him. I do not want to get back with him as my life is going good for me at the moment and have been starting new projects to keep me busy over the next while and also starting a course in graphic design in the autumn, which I am looking forward to.

The thing for me is that this all came out of the blue about the holiday and even though I have chatted with him since then, he has not mentioned anything about it. I am going to in the next day or so. So have some thinking to do on that count.


Have you ever gone on holiday with your ex? How did it turn out for you?

S23

I'll agree with the above posters and say its a disaster waiting to happen. I've never done it myself but I do have a friend who did something similar.

He was dating a girl and had an end of year trip booked to NYC. Long story short they had both paid for flights and their accomodation wasn't fully refundable so being a bit stubborn they both went anyway. He said it was absolutely horrendous. Awkward couldn't come close to describing it. He said if he'd know it was going to be that bad he'd gladly have written off the money.

Thats the best I can offer you I'm afraid!

How Strange

A disaster waiting to happen.

The chances are he'll spend most of the 2 weeks trying to get you into bed. That's fine if you're into it too but not if you're going along because you think you're good friends.

That would be one long uncomfortable drive around Europe.

slowmoe

tbh i think this is one of two things, either he wants to do this trip and can't find anyone else or he's looking for two weeks of sex. If he hasn't seen you in a few years and suddenly remembered how much fun you were he'd be saying i'll be in town on such a night pop in, not planning two weeks alone in a car with you

good luck

Denimgirl

i think he wants to get back with you but does'nt know how to tell you. a guy would'nt waste his energy on an ex by asking to go on holiday with them!! come on! i'm sure if he wanted to go on holiday he could have asked one of his mates! he obviously still has feelings for you! but be careful too, protect your own feelings! and make sure you don't turn into a friend with benefits!!

LegacyUser

Op here,

Just an update, I have chatted with my ex online a short while ago. The holiday was brought up in the conversation. I told him I had a number of questions about it including accommodation. Well apparently we will be sharing a double room and would leave from his house. so its all a bit suspicious if you ask me. Then I went straight through and told him that we are friends and that's that, he did say I was his friend and then we went into a heavy conversation about the past and things that happened. I told him there is no point in meeting up after so long and expecting to go on such a long holiday without meeting up sometime before. He did agree on that. The conversation was heavy and then he said, I still may not go on the holiday...it was an idea! The I said, Oh you changed your mind then. He said no, just that it was an idea and that we need to talk.

So that's it really so far. I am still not sure about what he is up to but I am nowhere near a decision.

Wibbs

violetrose wrote: »

So that's it really so far. I am still not sure about what he is up to but I am nowhere near a decision.

Eh how come? Seems pretty obvious and black and white to me and these things often aren't. He's an ex. He wants to share a double room. The conversation got heavy and the past was dragged up. You've felt dubious about it from the start. Pretty much it yes? So where's the lack of decision coming from? IN any case why would you want to go on this trip in teh first place? It's making no sense to me anyway.

Miss Fluff

+1 to what Wibbs said. How and why exactly are you "deciding" whether you want to go or not???? Seems pretty cut and dried to me. That's if, and it's a big IF, you are actually being honest about how you feel about him. I don't know any person who would even comtemplate sharing a double room with an ex on holiday unless they a. harboured hopes of getting back together or b. they were lonely. I'm not sure why you'd even consider it

rediguana25

Sounds like he was testing the waters...I doubt he was ever really serious about the holiday at all but just had the idea and had to tell you...
Problem is now you have been analyzing it and wondering what he meant by asking etc. when i really think that when it came down to it it probably wouldn't have happened anyway.
Don't think about it much anymore...unless he does bring it up again. Also i agree with MissFluff...why would you consider it? Perhaps you still like him and like the idea of going away with him and the attention it will bring etc...but really - how would you feel if you were there with him sipping a cocktail when he went up and started chatting someone else up? Would you be happy being there with him as friends then?

JonathanAnon

OP, this is kind of bizarre. I cant imagine any situation where any of my male friends would invite a platonic female friend on holidays alone...... UNLESS of course he wants to get back with you, which I would reckon he does.

tbh, it seems to me like a bit of an immature thing to ask of you. If he wants to get back with you, he should just "man up" and ask you directly.. The question for you is do you want to get back with him.. Good luck OP.

m@cc@

violetrose wrote: »

Need advice.

You know in your head it doesn't make an ounce of sense. I'm sorry to say but the fact that you're even giving it a second thought makes me question if you're 100% over him.

LegacyUser

Op here,

In answer to your question, I have only considered/hesitated over my direct answer as it was the idea of the holiday. and not him.that has me thinking over this. It is something that I have never been asked on, tried before and is different. I do not harbour feelings for my ex except those of friendship, there is a lot of water under the bridge.

I do have friends that I go on holiday with but they do not drive and this 'holiday' is a road trip one, as I said something different, but I am not sure of his intentions. I kept stressing to him last night that we were friends and then a little while after he said he may still not go on the holiday. So if he didn't want to go on it, why bring it up.

The night he first got the idea of this, he made such a big deal out of it. It took me away from what I was doing. He wanted me to ring him and I was not going to, he wanted me to go online to talk about this weird idea he had and I was not going to, so it ended up he rang me and talked to me about.

I think also this has been a bit of a shock to me considering that this all came out of nowhere.

Kimia

violetrose wrote: »

but I am not sure of his intentions.

Op I am really confused. What are you asking now? How are you confused and unsure of his intentions - he asked you to go on holidays with him, to share a room, and then brought up past times nostalgically. Are you being deliberately obtuse with this?

I can't understand why you keep posting random meaningless nonsense about this 'holiday' - what is your personal issue here? Do you want to get back with him or not?

S23

Yeah it seems to have gone a bit off course here. You've gotten all the advice you're going to get on the intial question which was, or at least I was under the impression it was, should you go on a long holiday with your ex.

Basically everyone has told you that its not a good idea but you are still on here humming and hawing about how you haven't made up your mind or aren't 100% sure.

Now you're talking about how it's a different kind of holiday and thats what appeals to you. It's different alright. Going off for 2 weeks with an ex that you haven't been in proper contact with since you broke up and sharing a room as you trek round Europe for 2 weeks. Thats different alright but not for the reasons you think.

It seems to me you're either not being 100% honest with us on here about your feelings or you're not being 100% honest with yourself. Maybe both. Who knows? I certainly don't at this stage. I haven't a clue what it is you want anymore

Wibbs

violetrose wrote: »

In answer to your question, I have only considered/hesitated over my direct answer as it was the idea of the holiday. and not him.that has me thinking over this.

Maybe Im wrong but you come across as someone who while weighing up a decision, may find it difficult to put the appropriate weight on one side or the other. You're hearing holiday which is fine and you would like to do this, but that's blinding you to the really obvious issue of the ex coming with you. The suddenness of the suggestion has made this decision making inability more acute. This is what's frustrating people. I have two mates quite similar. Both linear thinkers who wrap themselves up in should I/shouldnt I, but miss the obvious(to everyone else) and end up in knots. They're also very easy to steer in a decision, because of this. I'm probably wrong, but just my take anyway.

OK here's an easier way to make the decision. He is the holiday. Forget about the holiday itself. It's secondary. A couple of weeks sharing a car and bedroom(eh hello?) with an ex who appears not to be very clear and hmmming and hawing? That's so black and white I'd expect to see Humphrey Bogart in it.

He is expecting more and if he's not now, after seeing the sights of the world together in various rosemantic settings, he will be. And I suspect because of your will I/won't I? mindset, you'll likely go along with it as he'll be in the decision driving seat and then you'll later regret same.

Miss Fluff

violetrose wrote: »

I do have friends that I go on holiday with but they do not drive and this 'holiday' is a road trip one, as I said something different, but I am not sure of his intentions.

If you REALLY REALLY REALLY care so much about fulfilling your dream of going on a driving holiday (it must be a life-long burning desire or you wouldn't even be considering it tbh) then I suggest you learn to drive.

LegacyUser

Op here,

Ok, I have thought about it and decided that I am not going. If anything, I would think a short holiday closer to home either here or in England would be a much better option than a long two week road trip across Europe would be miles better ( this is my thinking if I was to go on a holiday with my ex ) considering we have not seen each other in a long while and have tons of things to talk about, meeting up one time and then heading off to Italy then is not such a good idea. I am not going on the short holiday I mentioned. I was only using it as to put across my point in that, it would make more sense than a two week road trip.

I have taken on board what you all have said, and thanks loads for that, and Wibbs, I am indecisive when it comes to some things and I don't like to make a rash decision and always seem to hover for a while before I make my mind up, sometimes longer than I really need to.

Thank you

dory

I think you made the right decision. He's probably lonely. Does he have many friends beside you? I know of many people who come out of long relationships with no friends, and so have to jump into another one quickly.

LegacyUser

dory wrote: »

I think you made the right decision. He's probably lonely. Does he have many friends beside you? I know of many people who come out of long relationships with no friends, and so have to jump into another one quickly.

He has a few close friends but I am the only one he talks to on a regular basis. The other two are male friends and both are married. So I guess I was the one whom he could 'call' upon. I do care about him as a friend and still would like to see him at some point but not on any holiday. We would have to sort out much before I could consider going on such a venture with him. He does have a busy life but he always goes home to an empty house, so I can imagine he does get lonely.