Why am i so laid back

LegacyUser

Long time poster but goin anon on this.

so i grew up with the most horrible mother you can imagine. watched here cherish my sisters and younger bro my whole life, was threated like muck and had to almost fend for myself. At the age of 16 i had to go get a job. Caught her cheating on my dad whom works abroad. Morally was never thought the ways of life, was never told i needed to shower every day, thought myself how to shave etc etc. basically everything a teenager needed to learn from is parents i learned myself.

When my dad was on holidays things were different i was finally a paft of the family etc etc evrytime he came home he couldnt believe how grown up i was. My dad is the definition of a cool dad.

but again it would all change when he went back to work.


Now heres where my query lies since the age of about 17 NOTHING has effected me in an emotional way. I find the humour in everything and am genuinely a very very happy laid back man. Im 22 now and people at work always think im much older. I look at a difficult situation and find the common value empatise with the person and the problem disapperars.
i get in a bad mood and its gone in miinutes. Im given a dead line at work i just get on with it dont worry about due dates. Even if a person gives out to me over smething i always look at it from there point of view first and then defend myself but i dont get disgruntled over it i take the critisism with a smile.

im always happy go lucky can see the good in every person or situation and im always similing but i dont know was. was it the horrible childhood i lead that has made me the man i am today. It isnt like its just a front im ALWAYS happy and see the light at ever tunnel.

Now i dont find it a problem but i look around me and theres people in bad form, rushing around the place, worrying over the little things. Jst thinking is it actually the women i hate to thank for the way i am today

Kimia

Think about this - do you think that maybe you're putting your dad on a pedestal while demonising your mother? It's hardly an ideal situation for your mother raising children on her own while your father is working abroad, and then when he comes home he's the 'cool' one?

Also, surely knowing that you need to shower every day is an instinctive thing? My parents never sat me down and told me that I needed to shower every day, I just knew.

And what's wrong with the way you are now - to be honest it sounds like your parents did a good job - you sound like a decent enough bloke?

PK2008

I dont see the problem here OP, you sound like you're in pretty good shape to be honest.

Wagon

You seem pretty bang on sound. If it's true what you have to say about your mother, then you don't have her to thank for it. Are you still in touch with her of have you just gotten rid of her?

LoanShark

HI OP,


I would be pretty much of the same cut of cloth as you, I am also very laid back,and dont let anything really bother me...I always believe that everything will work out int the end..

Reading your post, Sound like your parents did a good job in raising you..As others have said,it probably was not easy on your mam raising children on her own...And maybe with you being the eldest, She probably thought you didnt need as much affection as your siblings..

LegacyUser

It doesn't sound to me like it's a problem, you just seem curious about whether your childhood has affected your life now....I reckon It has but it doesn't seem like it has in a bad way,

I had very little love from my parents growing up, no affection, no hugs, no i love yous and it has definately affected me, I am happy most of the time but I definately have a wall up in regards to new friends and relationships..things like that!

Saying that I've been in the same relationship for years but I still wouldn't have been very affectionate myself to him in the early years, that's all changed since i've had kids, I am so affectionate with them and them back to me and now I guess because I have a family of my own it doesn't bother me that I missed out really, i'd still think the odd day that I would wonder what it was like to have had a family that loved me and would I be a different person today but It all worked out for me in the end so I don't dwell on it, It's natural to wonder though when you see the close relationships other people have with their parents.

I'm laid back aswell and I think I can be overly nice to people sometimes, People always thought I was very mature for my age aswell, but the bad moods thing.....that's where the similarities end cos I have a bad temper and it can take me a while to calm down : )

Op, I would be very interested to know how your relationships have panned out in the past, I've always had to have the other person love me more than I love them....fear of rejection I guess!

oxydive

OP i think when you feel that you've gone through tough times you become very resilient and just have a better coping mechanism because of this.

i honestly think you can't beat a bit of hardship to put things into perspective and it sounds to me thats what happened to you.

LegacyUser

OP I think when you've had a difficult period in your life, you can become detached and to be honest I would be wary of you becoming almost unable to express emotion if you really haven't up to this point. I do think you being easy going is because you are a strong person because of your childhood and it just takes so much more to bother you.

I had a very bad year last year and I thought i'd never get through it and feel good again. Although I hate that I suffered, I'm so much stronger now and things that would bother me before, aren't even remotely important now and I probably would be more chilled about things like you. I think I just assess things better now and I've more clarity in my mind over what i should get upset about and what should be left well alone.

Nolanger

You're probably smarter than those around you. Ever hear of the 10-80-10 rule for air accidents?

Wompa1

2_laid_back wrote: »

At the age of 16 i had to go get a job.

She forced you out of school to work? or did you just get a job. Plenty of people get jobs at 16 or younger