A Question/story about the Love Life - Help?

AlterEgo92

Also posted in the Gentlemans forum by the way, but said here might be the better place.

Hi lads, would love some imput. Created a new profile as what I will be discussing is personal and I dont want my friends checking previous posts on my main profile.

Right, so the story starts about 2 years ago. I joined a new job aswell as 3 of my friends. The company in question were hiring 5 new staff members at the time. So I went into our induction/team building day with my buddies, and met all the staff, and was told that we were waiting on one to get going. The person we were waiting on was that 5th member, and it turned out that 2 of my friends knew her too. When she came in, I seriously thought I had seen something special. She was incredible.

Over the next few weeks I didn't say too much to her, except the odd bit of small talk, as I am a bit nervous around girls I hold a torch for. Slowly but surely our relationship progressed, and I used to enjoy our talks and general messing around. Id often check the roster to see if we were on together, and more often than not, we were.

I went on holidays, and then she did, which made it a month until I saw her again. I couldnt stop thinking about her over this month and I realised that I was after well and truly falling for her. When she returned, we would still talk a lot, but I felt too nervous to take the next step. I suppose I found her a bit intimidating, she is a very popular and attractive girl, not afraid of the nightlife by any means. Our talks would usually be confined to the workplace but I really felt as if we had a connection. I feel as if me not acting led to the first obstacle. She found herself a boyfriend about 9 months into the time that I had known her. Despite this, when she was after meeting him, about a month before they started going out, I felt as if she was making advances at me at a party. Such is my idiotic and nervous nature that I'm convinced that I scared her away.

I backed off while she was seeing the boyfriend. Our chats became less frequent. I became more distant. It didn't actually last long though. I had been told by my friends that she wasn't the boyfriend type. Needless to say, I was delighted. Once, I went up to a spot where her friends hang out. She introduced me to them and they felt enthusiastic to meet me. They were playfully nudging her too, when they thought I wasn't looking. As usual though, I ended up leaving after a short while and nothing became of it. When she met my mother and brother in our workplace, my mom said that she want out of her way to talk to my mom, and to tell her how cute my brother was and how much he looked like me

Then my feelings started coming into the open. I dropped hints to her, and one of my friends knew. He told another friend who was working with us. She asked them if I liked her and the first friend said yes. Three days later, the friend who had barely been informed ended up "hitting it off with her". I heard, and was devastated. I became more distant than ever, and she noticed. She was trying to mess with me and talk to me and I wasnt having any of it.

I quit, and it seemed as if that was that. I tried to forget, but my drunken alter ego never forgot after a night out. I drunk texted her, a few times, and eventually told her everything. Around this time I came into contact with a close friend who Ive always felt something for, and Ive felt that she liked me too. I ended up drunk texting her too with a similar shpiel, about how I felt and what not. Both responses weren't inviting further perseverance. Despite this, the close friend has a twin, who eventually found out, and thought that her sister displayed some serious affection for me, and would pick me out of a crowd to talk to.

Little happened with either and a good few months passed. Id communicate with the girl from work very infrequently, and found out that she had broken up with my friend from work. She has since found herself a new boyfriend, but I hear its not overly serious. When I last spoke to her, she didn't seem to care much about him.
I am talking to the other girl again on my friends insistance, as he feels that there is something there. I like her but it isn't anything near what I feel for the girl from work.

Despite everything, and what happened, I still love (first girl I have ever really loved, as I am young) the girl from work and would do anything to be with her.
I care greatly about the other and I wouldn't mind developments on that front either. I don't know too many ladies so I am making an effort to go into town more ( Id usually go once or twice a month, and I am at the age for going in )

What do ye think? Is there any hope with the girl from work, or the other girl. What should my next move be? Am I a complete idiot for not making my move properly on either, with the exception of the drunk texts? Can something be done? Would greatly appreciate any imput at all!

LegacyUser

AlterEgo92 wrote: »

Also posted in the Gentlemans forum by the way, but said here might be the better place.

Hi lads, would love some imput. Created a new profile as what I will be discussing is personal and I dont want my friends checking previous posts on my main profile.

Right, so the story starts about 2 years ago. I joined a new job aswell as 3 of my friends. The company in question were hiring 5 new staff members at the time. So I went into our induction/team building day with my buddies, and met all the staff, and was told that we were waiting on one to get going. The person we were waiting on was that 5th member, and it turned out that 2 of my friends knew her too. When she came in, I seriously thought I had seen something special. She was incredible.

Over the next few weeks I didn't say too much to her, except the odd bit of small talk, as I am a bit nervous around girls I hold a torch for. Slowly but surely our relationship progressed, and I used to enjoy our talks and general messing around. Id often check the roster to see if we were on together, and more often than not, we were.

I went on holidays, and then she did, which made it a month until I saw her again. I couldnt stop thinking about her over this month and I realised that I was after well and truly falling for her. When she returned, we would still talk a lot, but I felt too nervous to take the next step. I suppose I found her a bit intimidating, she is a very popular and attractive girl, not afraid of the nightlife by any means. Our talks would usually be confined to the workplace but I really felt as if we had a connection. I feel as if me not acting led to the first obstacle. She found herself a boyfriend about 9 months into the time that I had known her. Despite this, when she was after meeting him, about a month before they started going out, I felt as if she was making advances at me at a party. Such is my idiotic and nervous nature that I'm convinced that I scared her away.

I backed off while she was seeing the boyfriend. Our chats became less frequent. I became more distant. It didn't actually last long though. I had been told by my friends that she wasn't the boyfriend type. Needless to say, I was delighted. Once, I went up to a spot where her friends hang out. She introduced me to them and they felt enthusiastic to meet me. They were playfully nudging her too, when they thought I wasn't looking. As usual though, I ended up leaving after a short while and nothing became of it. When she met my mother and brother in our workplace, my mom said that she want out of her way to talk to my mom, and to tell her how cute my brother was and how much he looked like me

Then my feelings started coming into the open. I dropped hints to her, and one of my friends knew. He told another friend who was working with us. She asked them if I liked her and the first friend said yes. Three days later, the friend who had barely been informed ended up "hitting it off with her". I heard, and was devastated. I became more distant than ever, and she noticed. She was trying to mess with me and talk to me and I wasnt having any of it.

I quit, and it seemed as if that was that. I tried to forget, but my drunken alter ego never forgot after a night out. I drunk texted her, a few times, and eventually told her everything. Around this time I came into contact with a close friend who Ive always felt something for, and Ive felt that she liked me too. I ended up drunk texting her too with a similar shpiel, about how I felt and what not. Both responses weren't inviting further perseverance. Despite this, the close friend has a twin, who eventually found out, and thought that her sister displayed some serious affection for me, and would pick me out of a crowd to talk to.

Little happened with either and a good few months passed. Id communicate with the girl from work very infrequently, and found out that she had broken up with my friend from work. She has since found herself a new boyfriend, but I hear its not overly serious. When I last spoke to her, she didn't seem to care much about him.
I am talking to the other girl again on my friends insistance, as he feels that there is something there. I like her but it isn't anything near what I feel for the girl from work.

Despite everything, and what happened, I still love (first girl I have ever really loved, as I am young) the girl from work and would do anything to be with her.
I care greatly about the other and I wouldn't mind developments on that front either. I don't know too many ladies so I am making an effort to go into town more ( Id usually go once or twice a month, and I am at the age for going in )

What do ye think? Is there any hope with the girl from work, or the other girl. What should my next move be? Am I a complete idiot for not making my move properly on either, with the exception of the drunk texts? Can something be done? Would greatly appreciate any imput at all!

hi there.
its very hard to care about someone that much, and not have it returned. I would suggest that you actually move on from both of these ladies (my opinion) you are still hung up on the other one, and it wouldnt be fair to the other girl, if you have strong feelings for the girl from work. But if you do care for the other girl, maybe just give it a try, just date casually, you dont have to rush into a relationship, like you said you are still quiet young..
I am curious did the girl from work answer your drucken texts??

Flarey

The truth is you had no chance with this girl and you never did.
This was merely an infatuation.
What you did is put this girl on a pedestal.

The truth is you know zero about women.

Women, especially attractive women, are hit on all the time by men - glances, smiles, hellos, chat up lines, requests for telephone numbers, kisses, dates, sex. The only problem women have filtering out the men they want from the men they don't.

You were lost among the blizzard of other AFC's (average frustrated chumps) who sought and lost her approval.

The guys who she dates and sleeps with and has relationships are the men who make the approach and do not seek her approval.

Women like men who take charge, men who are non-needy, men who are daring, men who can take them or leave them, men who have higher social value, confidence and self-respect.

This is not about looks or intelligence or money.

It is about attitude.

The best examples are John Wayne, Steve McQueen, Bruce Willis, Clint Eastwood and Sean Connery.

None of them is really that handsome. They are ugly even. They are not particularly bright. But they have confidence and sex appeal.

They don't let other men push them around, they are not afraid of getting hurt, they can take it or leave it, they have nothing to lose and they are not afraid of women.

That's exactly why these men are sex symbols. These are the type of men that women want for husbands.

My advice to you is go out there and talk to hundreds of women. Go out there and deliberately get rejected. Get rejected so many times that it doesn't hurt anymore. Let rejection flow like water over a duck's back. Stop caring what women think. Make fun of them. Ridicule them. Make sly jokes. Don't supplicate.

Miss Fluff

Flarey wrote: »

The truth is you know zero about women.

What a load of UTTER tripe. How do you know whether he does or not?

OP, nobody really is to know whether you did/do have a chance with either girl. One word of advice though, if you really like a girl, don't text her when you're six sheets to the wind as a girl won't take it seriously and will immediately think it's a booty call. If you like a girl, you should ask her out when sober/when you're both on the same buzz etc.

Expand your social circle. Go into town more. Meet more girls. Nothing more attractive to a girl than a confident guy so build on that m'dear and am sure the girls will be like bees to a honey pot!:)

S23

First off I'd disregard the post from Flarey there OP. Thats not to say there isn't some truth in some of the things that were said but its such an extremist view its best to disregard.

Different women look for different things. Some like the brash confident type of course but there are lots of women out there and depending on what kind of person they are they will seek different qualities when seeking a partner.

The problem is the women we end up fawning over when we are young (and I am presuming you are) and still learning about realtionships and the other sex in general aren't always the type of women best suited to us or that we actually want to be with when we get our heads around what we actually want.

Also, and I hate to state the obvious, the kind of women we want aren't always the ones who want us back. Its just life. Its hard and it stings but you live and you learn.

Personally I'd forget about the two ladies in question. To be honest, while I'm not saying shes done anything wrong, I think its pretty clear the girl from work just isn't that interested in you.

And from the sounds of things you're just not that interested in the other girl. She sounds like your backup plan and thats not fair to her.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Get out and try meet more people and expand your social circle. Maybe don't just confine meeting women to going to pubs and clubs in town if you can either. Not always as easy as it sounds but something to keep in mind.

One final thing. Agree with the above poster. Don't 'drunk text' women or anyone for that matter. Don't say stuff you are afraid/don't want to say to people when sober just because you've had a few gargles.

Being gargled isn't an excuse to behave inappropriately. This ranges from the usual stuff you see in town figthing, being aggresive to strangers etc.. all the way to stuff like send inappropriate texts to people. Act like an adult

Anyway, I'd chalk this up to experience and move on if I was you. Best of luck

JonathanAnon

S23 wrote: »

First off I'd disregard the post from Flarey there OP. Thats not to say there isn't some truth in some of the things that were said but its such an extremist view its best to disregard.

He is certainly not sitting on the fence, but Flarey does make a few reasonable points. In my experience, being a guy that has had women both pursue me and outright reject me, I'm not sure I fully understand women either. I think it's impossible to be friends with someone you love and be happy, unless of course you are friends AND partners.... You eventually have to either a) broach the subject with her or b) remain silent and all of the frustration/heartbreak etc that it entails.

The drunken text thing is something I did when I was younger too.. And I think this is something that everybody has to do once to know not to do again. And you have learned this .. TWICE. Just put the phone away when you are drunk.

If the girl is attractive and popular and has a certain social status, then you would probably have to have similar status to be considered a reasonable suitor by her. The fact that she has been through quite a few boyfriends means that she is uncertain/inexperienced about relationships herself.

Again in my experience, if you think a girl is worth it, you have to tell her how you feel. You can analyse and analyse but you will never know how she is feeling, and she may not even be sure herself... But, being the guy, you normally have to make the first step. As far as the girl you worked with goes, I fear that any opportunity may be gone. As was said above, dont beat yourself up about it, just put it down to something you didnt handle great and you can do better in the future. Good luck OP.

S23

He makes some reasonable points but he applies them in a totalitarian fashion to this very specific instance.

And, while generally speaking you can apply some of what he says to various women out there in the world, he tried to apply them to this subject very specifically without knowing anything much about the OP's situation or the characters invovled. So to make those assertions in this instance was a bit too much and a bit too much of a case of tarring all women with the same brush IMO

m@cc@

Miss Fluff wrote: »

What a load of UTTER tripe. How do you know whether he does or not?

The delivery was insensitive but otherwise I agree with him. The OP seems to be using other peoples opinions as a benchmark for how girls feel about him and even with that, he can't choose one girl and go for it. It does come across as needy in the OP and I'd hazard a guess it shows in person as well.