A Question/story about the Love Life - Help?

AlterEgo92

Hi lads, would love some imput. Created a new profile as what I will be discussing is personal and I dont want my friends checking previous posts on my main profile.

Right, so the story starts about 2 years ago. I joined a new job aswell as 3 of my friends. The company in question were hiring 5 new staff members at the time. So I went into our induction/team building day with my buddies, and met all the staff, and was told that we were waiting on one to get going. The person we were waiting on was that 5th member, and it turned out that 2 of my friends knew her too. When she came in, I seriously thought I had seen something special. She was incredible.

Over the next few weeks I didn't say too much to her, except the odd bit of small talk, as I am a bit nervous around girls I hold a torch for. Slowly but surely our relationship progressed, and I used to enjoy our talks and general messing around. Id often check the roster to see if we were on together, and more often than not, we were.

I went on holidays, and then she did, which made it a month until I saw her again. I couldnt stop thinking about her over this month and I realised that I was after well and truly falling for her. When she returned, we would still talk a lot, but I felt too nervous to take the next step. I suppose I found her a bit intimidating, she is a very popular and attractive girl, not afraid of the nightlife by any means. Our talks would usually be confined to the workplace but I really felt as if we had a connection. I feel as if me not acting led to the first obstacle. She found herself a boyfriend about 9 months into the time that I had known her. Despite this, when she was after meeting him, about a month before they started going out, I felt as if she was making advances at me at a party. Such is my idiotic and nervous nature that I'm convinced that I scared her away.

I backed off while she was seeing the boyfriend. Our chats became less frequent. I became more distant. It didn't actually last long though. I had been told by my friends that she wasn't the boyfriend type. Needless to say, I was delighted. Once, I went up to a spot where her friends hang out. She introduced me to them and they felt enthusiastic to meet me. They were playfully nudging her too, when they thought I wasn't looking. As usual though, I ended up leaving after a short while and nothing became of it. When she met my mother and brother in our workplace, my mom said that she want out of her way to talk to my mom, and to tell her how cute my brother was and how much he looked like me

Then my feelings started coming into the open. I dropped hints to her, and one of my friends knew. He told another friend who was working with us. She asked them if I liked her and the first friend said yes. Three days later, the friend who had barely been informed ended up "hitting it off with her". I heard, and was devastated. I became more distant than ever, and she noticed. She was trying to mess with me and talk to me and I wasnt having any of it.

I quit, and it seemed as if that was that. I tried to forget, but my drunken alter ego never forgot after a night out. I drunk texted her, a few times, and eventually told her everything. Around this time I came into contact with a close friend who Ive always felt something for, and Ive felt that she liked me too. I ended up drunk texting her too with a similar shpiel, about how I felt and what not. Both responses weren't inviting further perseverance. Despite this, the close friend has a twin, who eventually found out, and thought that her sister displayed some serious affection for me, and would pick me out of a crowd to talk to.

Little happened with either and a good few months passed. Id communicate with the girl from work very infrequently, and found out that she had broken up with my friend from work. She has since found herself a new boyfriend, but I hear its not overly serious. When I last spoke to her, she didn't seem to care much about him.
I am talking to the other girl again on my friends insistance, as he feels that there is something there. I like her but it isn't anything near what I feel for the girl from work.

Despite everything, and what happened, I still love (first girl I have ever really loved, as I am young) the girl from work and would do anything to be with her.
I care greatly about the other and I wouldn't mind developments on that front either. I don't know too many ladies so I am making an effort to go into town more ( Id usually go once or twice a month, and I am at the age for going in )

What do ye think? Is there any hope with the girl from work, or the other girl. What should my next move be? Am I a complete idiot for not making my move properly on either, with the exception of the drunk texts? Can something be done? Would greatly appreciate any imput at all!

sam34

moved to PI

Op you're likely to get more and better resonses in that forum

sickofwaiting

AlterEgo92 wrote: »

I quit, and it seemed as if that was that. I tried to forget, but my drunken alter ego never forgot after a night out. I drunk texted her, a few times, and eventually told her everything. Around this time I came into contact with a close friend who Ive always felt something for, and Ive felt that she liked me too. I ended up drunk texting her too with a similar shpiel, about how I felt and what not. Both responses weren't inviting further perseverance.

Never ever send drunk texts again where you spill out your feelings. It makes you look foolish and cowardly - the girl will be thinking you only have the balls to make a move on her while drunk and over texts, which is actually the truth as it happens. So if you learn anything from this is NEVER do that again.

Despite everything, and what happened, I still love (first girl I have ever really loved, as I am young) the girl from work and would do anything to be with her.

Yeah anything except ask her out. All you ever had to do was say 'so do you want to go out for a few drinks with me on friday/saturday?' All this dropping hints nonsense is pointless. What were you expecting? Her to ask you out? You've had two years to ask her out, there is no excuse that can explain it other than a lack of balls. You've planted yourself straight in the middle of the friendzone, there is a high chance she no longer see's you as a potential partner because you have displayed such a lack of balls. There is also a chance that she is still into you but the only way to find out is to start acting like a man and ask her out.

You'll eventually realise that if you want to get with a women you make your move asap. The best policy is you like a girl ask her out straight away and if she says no just forget about it and go and get another one and save yourself two years of agonizing over "does she like me? or does she not like me?". She is also much more likely to say yes when you first meet her than when you have spent two years putting yourself in the friendzone.

PK2008

Yep, you're in the friend zone big time mate. Dont take it too badly, we've all been there.

If you wait for a woman to make the first move you'll be waiting a long time. Its one of the catches of being a man but you have to put yourself on the line and risk rejection.

Tbh I reckon you missed your shot with this girl but never say never.

AlterEgo92

It kills me but I think both of ye are right.. I was a bit too immature I'd say and waited for far too long. I suppose maybe I should take it as a life lesson( although its a very tough lesson:()

CDfm

You were not really in any relationship. The feelings were one way -no matter how you felt or how she may have felt for you -you took no action.

I dont think you are in any zone here at all.

So can you do anything. Well, if you have behaved like a prat you should apologise for the drunken texts and put that episode behind you. If you feel like an eejit for it say it.

I dont think you have worked out in your mind what you want from either of the girls who are the object of your affections.

So you havent asked either out. The weather is lovely at the moment so why not ask someone out to something. Like, say, you say you tell 1 of them hey i am thinking of going to the zoo/art gallery/movie on saturday but dont want to go on my own and see if you get a nibble, if 1 says no ask the next 1, or a third 1.

Anywhere but a pub club atmosphere where you could do something daft. If the event goes well suggest something to eat not abrakebabra but eddie rockets, captain americas or a reasonably priced italian or something.

If thats declined dont be crushed people do have other lives and commitments.

When you meet either of them resolve to ask them how they are and pay them a compliment. Like clothes -if she is wearing a nice top, had a hair do or whatever say so. Get into the habit of asking them or indeep any woman how they have been. If someone says -great i have been doing a lot of stamp collecting say that sounds interesting how did you get into that. Even if its a boring as **** dont say it but show interest ask them how they got into it started etc.

You need to practice overcoming your shyness as its that and not the girls that is causing the problem.