Is it time to call it a day ?

LegacyUser

so im seeing this girl for 4 years and everything was amazing until her and my mom had a huge fight 3 months ago.

My fiance walked out on me and didnt return for over a month or so. when we were apart everyone was telling me she was stupid for leaving me because she had a fight with my mother but i love her and wanted her back.

she moved back in with me a month an a half ago and things were ok not brilliant but ok.

Last saturday she went out on a night out as ya do but when she returned she was like a women possessed, she was extremly quiet and when i asked her was she ok she literally screamed at me to leave her alone and didnt talk to me until TUESDAY night when she said we needed to talk, how she wasnt happy with the fact i havent changed ?? and how she has only being pretending to be happy but then told me she was going out again we would have to wait until the following night.

Then the following day she asked me could we leave the chat for another night as one of her collegues was sick and she had to cover them a few extra hours, didnt have a prob there only when i came home she was already at home but was on the laptop and texting. Said it to her that she obviously wasnt busy can we have our chat now. NO im too tired..

Now today she comes home hopes strauight in the shower and walks out the door and i get a text. "Oh yeah im going out tonight"

now i wouldnt mind only she has a strange attitude toward me since xmas. She dosent make an effort to hug or kiss me, i told her last week i love her and sh said ok, Her mobile is 99% of the tim ein her hand texting and is always on msn. we havent had sex in 6 months. her moods vary extremly from day to day

i now feel like im being made a total fool out of it But i dunno if this is normal behavior in a 4 year relationship for things to go a lil stale before they get great again or is it time for me to call it a day

LegacyUser

op
I have no doubt in my mind she is seeing someone else all the signs are there.
end it quickly just tell her to leave asap
make it quick and as painless as possible.

Virgil°

Honestly mate it doesn't look good.
It looks to me like she decided quite a while ago that this was over, hasn't had the nerve to finish it and is using every excuse under the sun to avoid you.
Witholding affection in the hopes that you do the deed instead. Quite childish and unfair if you ask me.
My advise break up, do some reccuperating and find someone to treat you the way you deserve.
Thats my take on it.
Sorry.
All the best.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Yes it is. All signs point to "I want to leave you but feel guilty about it and can't handle confrontation"

She said she's pissed you haven't changed - did she tell you how she wanted to change?

i now feel like im being made a total fool out of it But i dunno if this is normal behavior in a 4 year relationship for things to go a lil stale before they get great again or is it time for me to call it a day

No it is certainly not normal.

The fight with your mum isn't reason. Hate to be cruel but you are the reason. She isn't in love with you but the rules of relationships imply she should be if you were together for 4 years.

If its any consolation with this kind of person you're better off finding out the truth before you get married.

LegacyUser

Hey Op sorry you are going through a hard time
Sounds like you will have to stop her in her tracks and give her the ultimatum,sit down and talk or move out.
How dare she treat you like that over a row with your mom :S that's just selfish and rude.
She is walking all over you
She moved back in with you not other way around and she is making you unhappy.
Do not let her treat you like that with holding intimacy and walking in and out and treating you with so much lack of respect.
Seriously speaking from a woman's point of view, if she wont explain or even try to talk and tell you what the problem is finish with her.
I hope things work out for you Take care

MsHolloway

Hi op,
I don't know much about 4 year long relationships but one thing I do know is in a relationship both people need to show respect to each other, no matter what.
Shes acting completely disrespectfully towards you, op!
So she feels theres some problems ( as do you), does she set aside an evening to discuss these issues with you? no! She heads out instead, letting you wonder what the frick is going on! In my opinion, very cruel behaviour - why bring it up if she's not going to give you a chance to discuss things properly.
Her being passive aggressive with the silent treatment and then screaming at you isn't on either - no one needs to put up with that shíte. Very childish behaviour altogether.

Op, there are a lot of red flags here - as you pointed out yourself - the lack of affection and sex, her acting weird towards you, the constant texting and msning, her leaving you for a month just because she had a fight with your mam, also the behaviour I highlighted above. I'm sorry, op, but her actions dont sound like someone who is in love and wants to be in a relationship.

I know you say you love her, but you deserve more. Shes not treating you very well at all and even if she does want out she should be respectful and just let you know - like adults do ( or supposed to do)

LegacyUser

thanks folks its great to see some other peoples un biased opinions..

with regard the her wanting me to change. She had a problem with me being lazy. working 5 12 hour shifts at a labour intensive job and taking 1 of my 2 days break was here problem.

on a saturday i would wash our cars do the weekly shop etc and on sunday my hands in the air hee i would do nothing. which i think i deserve!

Since she lost her job 2 years ago i have provided for us hence why i thought i deserved at least one days rest!!

she has came back in the mean time to get the jewelerry i bought her for xmas and the engagment ring to wear them out but again just straight out the door. At this stage i think she is just wearing the jewelery to fool people into thinking she either has money or is trying to retend everything is ok

Canis Lupus

From what you're saying this isn't a relationship going stale it's a relationship on its last legs.

MsHolloway

Confused_with_a_C wrote: »

thanks folks its great to see some other peoples un biased opinions..

with regard the her wanting me to change. She had a problem with me being lazy. working 5 12 hour shifts at a labour intensive job and taking 1 of my 2 days break was here problem.

on a saturday i would wash our cars do the weekly shop etc and on sunday my hands in the air hee i would do nothing. which i think i deserve!

Since she lost her job 2 years ago i have provided for us hence why i thought i deserved at least one days rest!!

she has came back in the mean time to get the jewelerry i bought her for xmas and the engagment ring to wear them out but again just straight out the door. At this stage i think she is just wearing the jewelery to fool people into thinking she either has money or is trying to retend everything is ok

Wow, op.. just wow!

Just more red flags really. Of course you deserve a day off, and shes got some cheek telling you otherwise. She's basically living off you and treating you like crap!

So, op what are you going to do next?

You could give her an ultimatum -either we sit down and talk things out or she moves out... but personally I would think long and hard about what exactly you're getting out of this relationship?

You know she isn't treating you right, op! If you decide to stay together and work things out it sounds like there needs to be some drastic changes on her side with regard her treatment of you!

showgirl

She is giving all women a bad name!! God she really is up herself! where does she get off coming treating you like that! its terrible that you have to put up with that! But guess what you dont! She is acting all spoilt and you are the bigger fool for keeping her - feeding her - and can you answer me where the hell is she getting the money to go out when she doesnt even have a job!

i have made a few assumptions here so correct me if I am wrong - this is your house and not hers - she has totally treated you like a pig -

GET RID! also any girl to have a fight like that with your mother isnt really worth keeping! now of course I dont know what your mum is like but I know I love my family and if they didnt like a guy I was seeing or if he was fighting with them - he would be getting the door! I would never sacrafice my family for a guy! I dont think you should either!

oh this girl needs to be put in her place - oh and by the way it wouldnt surprise me if she were having an affair!!!

Give yourself an early Christmas Present and get rid - its only 4 years but can you imagine if you stay with her what the next 20 would be like!! putting it into perspective I dont think that she will every change her habits!!

Good luck in whatever you decide but please dont be a doormat for this girl!!!

greenprincess

It sounds like she wants out of this relationship but isnt able to break it off. I'm not saying this is hurt or offend u, but it sounds like she came back for financial reason.
Also by the way, legally she is not entitled to the engagement ring, it is a term of a contract. The contract being that ye will marry, so if you do not marry the contract is void and she has to return the ring to you, legally. Your are of course free to give it to her as a gift but i dont think you should! She has treated you with so little respect

ilovetosing

I have to say these posts always get to me and they really do astonish me! OP why are you wasting time on boards? Why are you looking for advice? You know the harsh reality! Yet you don't want to look through the smoke! Im not trying to be a fcuker but you should be packing her bags for her and fcuking them out your front door. Accept that its over and move on. Not a hope in hell any man or woman should be treated like that!

Good luck.

Wagon

"Lazy" for taking a day off after working for 60 hours a week and then washing the car and cleaning the house on a saturday...and she hasn't worked in 2 years and is going out all the time...

Get rid of her. There's nothing else to say other than that. It's not a relationship and if she's like this now, imagine what it will be like if you actually get married?

And yes, she is definately cheating on you.

damienmcd

Don't let her treat you like a f*cking mug!
Force the conversation the next time you see her and don't take any excuses. She's obviously not giving you anything but grief at the moment and that's gonna have a horrible effect on your relationship if you do stay together.

Best option is to get rid. Easier said than done but she seems to be acting like someone who wants out of the relationship but doesn't have the decency to finish it.

There's always someone out there for everyone who'll respect and appreciate you!

helimachoptor

Op, i really do think she's playing away, I've experience being on both ends and it's classic. She causes fights for no reasons, is suddenly going out but if you suggest going with her you'll be told to fcuk off or suddenly the night is cancelled.

She's cheating on you, end of.

LegacyUser

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with the pain of a long term relationship gone awry. So many years of heart and emotions. I think it might be best for you to move on, as it seems like you are trying really hard to keep up the relationship, but she's not there anymore.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for all your replies. I am gonna be a single pringle come the end of the week, She returned from her night out last night and i got an ear full for not washing HER clothes SHE left thrown in front of the washing machine.

I have taken 2 much of this now so it must definatley time to call it a day. and again a huge thank you to everyone that reponded its great to get an unbiased view on things

Thank you
Confused_with_a_C

LegacyUser

just read the whole thread
and definately something is afoot!! I wont spectulate into what she is or isnt doing but what I can say is I think you making the right choice
She is just using you at the moment and isnt into the relationship, she is most definately awol

If i was you I'd hide the engagement ring when she is back (so at least you have it and can get a few quid rather then her keeping it!!!) then when she is out again I'd back her bags for her and change the lock

good luck mate, I honestly do think you doing the right thing for you
lets know how you get on and stay strong