I really think I have a bad father!

baddad

Hi! I am a 18 year old guy!
Now I'm posting this here and I don't mean to be complanning but it's how I feel,
I love my mother and I really hate my father. I suppose we never really got on. My Dad is 61 and my mam is 48 so there is quite a big age differnce.
They met in 1980 and my mam was training to be a solicitor and he was working on a building site. The went out for about a year and my mam fell pregnent. So they got married my father made my mam quite collage because he believed that a woman shouldn't work and the father should proivide for her.
Well my mam's father died in 1985 and sge inherited a small small farm from him and my father quit his job because he wanted to farm the land. They got the council to build a small 3 bed bungalow on the farm, I was born in 1992. Ok.
This is where my problem is. My father made my mam quite collage. He then gave up the farm in 1999 and he has being on the dole ever scence. He wouldn't let my mam ever get a job and he wouldn't work either. Even during the celti tiger years when everybody was working he was just sponging off the state. He get's abou 260 euro a week and he has a few greyhoubds and he spends about 60 on them and about 60 paying off bills and loans. so that leavs us with about 140 a week for food etc. He then could go into lidl/aldi in thursday and spend between 25 and 50 euro on tools. Some weeks my mam is only let with about 100 euro for food.
Our house is a total reck because my father has filled the utility room and master bed room with rubish he has got out of skips and crap out of lidl that he thought that would have being useful. He also has most of the living room taken up and hall. I lnow that I am ranting now but this is how I feel.My brother moved out in 06 and I have only seen him a few times scence. I suppose he got sick of it to.
I have no idea how my mother put's up with him but neither if them believes in divorce. I know she is un happy she only got a washing machine in 2005 and that's because my brother bought it for herand pit it in. My dad believed that a woman should do all the washing by hand he wouldn't let her use it for ages.
I have never had a friend over at my house because of the state it's in and some people in school know what it looks like and they call me junk house boy.
I also have one more issue in my life I know I'm gay and I don't want to be. I feel that this has being caused by the way I look at the relationship between my father and mother. My father hates gay guy's and he told me that they should all be shot.
Now I am just sick pfmy life I have hard;y any friends I hate everything about me and I want to die. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would truely reck my mother.
Now this is not a troll!
Any advice?

Ickle Magoo

Hey there,

Set out a time line that lets you leave home asap and every time you get annoyed or depressed then have a look at it and think of all the wonderful things in your future you have to look forward to.

It must be very difficult having a father like that but I think you have to give some of the responsibility for the current set up to your mother too. She agreed to marry your dad, she dropped out of college, she hasn't gotten a job or told your father he has to. She has chosen to do these things or facilitated your fathers behaviour, which is just as bad.

As for being gay, again, once you have left home and are free to live your own life then you might find it easier to tell your family and cope with any negative reaction they might have. Suffice to say anyone who thinks gays should be shot is an ignorant biggot and you should know the issue is his, not yours.

Head up and think of the future, all the best.

bronte

I'm just going to echo the previous poster and advise you to make plans to move out as soon as is possible. You're living in a horrible environment and I'm not surprised you feel miserable.
Your dad does sound very domineering op, but you must realise that your mum has a certain amount to answer for too. She was training to be a solicitor, I'm sure she's a smart woman, and yet she's somehow been broken down by your father's demands.
I feel for her, but her children are suffering because of what she deems acceptable behaviour from her husband.
As for his attitude towards gay people, ignore it and get on with your life.
Make the break for yourself...you won't know yourself when you are free from all of this.

kittykrazy

I always hated it when people said that being a child was the best time of my life! Kids are so cruel to each other and there's a pressure to conform and stand out. It's very confusing.

Is there any way you could make your situation work for you? Part-time job? Maybe try and sort out some of the house yourself? Is there a chance your mother would leave your dad? It doesn't sound like she has much of a life.

Do make a time line to move out and hold on to that if how you feel about home can't change but also look at what you want to do and can you achieve it. I spent my teenage years counting down the days to the end of the leaving cert but once I got there I didn't have a plan and sort of fell apart.

There are some gay helplines- http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/ and the phone no is 01-8721055 open monday-friday 7pm-9pm. Be glad that you worked out your sexual orientation now - so many people live in denial. You've achieved more than the name-callers have already!

baddad

Thanks!
Well at the moment I am still in 5th year and have hardly any money. I have applied for a few jobs in the town that I live near and all I can do is wait and see if anything comes up. I would love to get out of this jump but I can't afford to. I am doing my best to save up money!
I spend nearly every hour thinking of how ****e my life is I just hate myself so much!

bronte

You should not be hating yourself Op.
None of this crap is your fault.
The way to stop yourself focusing on what is wrong in your life is to make a plan to change it and stick to it. Fair play to you, you're already doing that.

Take it easy on yourself.