Alcoholic family member

previous user

Hi, I'm pretty much new to this and I was wondering if this was the right forum to post in.
I just wanted advice on this topic.

There is a member of my family living in our house and he is slowly drinking himself to death and to be honest I don't think he will survive to see 2011.
This person has been abusive sometimes when engaged in conversation, sometimes because of drink, and because of this he has been completley ignored, its a really depressing atmosphere in the house now.
Whats the right way to deal with an alcoholic family member?
Is intervening the right course of action to take (I don't want to see him drink himself to death)? or should I just let him take responsibility? (he's been drinking all his life really it just seems that now he's more consistant in his drinking).

I would appreciate any advice from people who've experienced this in their family or professional people who've dealt with this in they're job
thank you.

Handsome Bob

It's a horrible position for everyone involved. For one, alcoholics don't care about how destructive they are being to the household; it takes a toll on everyone's health. Secondly, I find alcoholics to be the most selfish people you can meet as they take advantage of the position they are in. For instance, if someone's son is an alcoholic he knows that he won't be thrown out of the house because of how much love their parents have for them. The parents fear that if they threw him out he'd be dead within a week. So the alcoholic, in this untouchable position, continues to be so destructive and not caring about how much he affects those around him.

There really is nothing you can do unfortunately OP, the alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom before he can pick himself up. It is a cliche but you really can't help him until he helps himself.

You could do little things to speed the process up. For instance if he always finds himself broke early in the week don't give him any money. Hopefully having no money even for the train to work might be, literally, a sobering thought. Another method could be to be confrontational every time he's sober, there's no point giving him abuse when he's drunk. Often in families with alcoholics no-one says anything because they just want to forget about the alcoholic's actions the previous night. If you confront him when sober, not just you but everyone, it might embarass him into taking action.

Good luck, I really feel for you OP because I know your plight.

previous user

LZ5by5 wrote: »

It's a horrible position for everyone involved. For one, alcoholics don't care about how destructive they are being to the household; it takes a toll on everyone's health. Secondly, I find alcoholics to be the most selfish people you can meet as they take advantage of the position they are in. For instance, if someone's son is an alcoholic he knows that he won't be thrown out of the house because of how much love their parents have for them. The parents fear that if they threw him out he'd be dead within a week. So the alcoholic, in this untouchable position, continues to be so destructive and not caring about how much he affects those around him.

There really is nothing you can do unfortunately OP, the alcoholic needs to hit rock bottom before he can pick himself up. It is a cliche but you really can't help him until he helps himself.

You could do little things to speed the process up. For instance if he always finds himself broke early in the week don't give him any money. Hopefully having no money even for the train to work might be, literally, a sobering thought. Another method could be to be confrontational every time he's sober, there's no point giving him abuse when he's drunk. Often in families with alcoholics no-one says anything because they just want to forget about the alcoholic's actions the previous night. If you confront him when sober, not just you but everyone, it might embarass him into taking action.

Good luck, I really feel for you OP because I know your plight.

Thanks for your advice I really appreciate your support LZ5by5. It's actually my dad who's the alcoholic, we haven't talked in a year now, the last time we talked we had a row over some trivial thing and since then i've just had enough, I just want to get on with my life, I know that sounds selfish, but like you suggested I guess I have to let him hit rock bottom. it's just very wearying, I guess i'm gonna have to move out soon. I need a more healthy atmosphere to live my life.

Marty McFly

Hi op im sorry to hear about your troubles sounds like youve had it fairly rough of late cant be easy.

Myself I havent to much experience dealing with alcoholic but maybe you could contact alcoholic anonymous for some advice on how best to deal with it.

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/contactus/default.asp?itemId=2


Hope it all works out in the end for you.

previous user

thanks for that, i'll have a look at that link.

Dr Galen

I'm thinking this is much more suited to Personal Issues tbh.

Cheers

DrG

username123

Hi Op.

My father was a very aggressive abusive alcoholic and he lived long past what I ever thought he could the way he was drinking. I dont think I ever saw him sober for the last 4 or 5 years of his life, and he didnt even die from drink, he died in an accident - its unbelievable how much abuse the body can take, he had been in and out of hospital dozens of times from various alcohol related situations, one day I got a call from A&E that he'd been found on a roadside and he was in a terrible state, the doctor wanted to know his age - they thought he was late 70s, he was early 50s at the time - but his body wasted away to nothing from a diet of pure alcohol. He was terribly abusive and aggressive in the house as well and it was a very depressing place. Alcoholism is a nasty insiduous disease that affects all around it, you are suffering the effects of someone elses drinking and it makes you sick as well.

Anyway, you cant help your family member directly, but you can help yourself. You can go to Alanon - I was very mentally and physically sick by the time I went and it helped me get back to being healthy and gave me the tools to deal with my fathers alcoholism, and taught me the right things to do, what not to do and how to deal with it. Please contact your local Alanon group and go to a meeting - it really helps I promise.

Good luck.

previous user

username123 wrote: »

Hi Op.

My father was a very aggressive abusive alcoholic and he lived long past what I ever thought he could the way he was drinking. I dont think I ever saw him sober for the last 4 or 5 years of his life, and he didnt even die from drink, he died in an accident - its unbelievable how much abuse the body can take, he had been in and out of hospital dozens of times from various alcohol related situations, one day I got a call from A&E that he'd been found on a roadside and he was in a terrible state, the doctor wanted to know his age - they thought he was late 70s, he was early 50s at the time - but his body wasted away to nothing from a diet of pure alcohol. He was terribly abusive and aggressive in the house as well and it was a very depressing place. Alcoholism is a nasty insiduous disease that affects all around it, you are suffering the effects of someone elses drinking and it makes you sick as well.

Anyway, you cant help your family member directly, but you can help yourself. You can go to Alanon - I was very mentally and physically sick by the time I went and it helped me get back to being healthy and gave me the tools to deal with my fathers alcoholism, and taught me the right things to do, what not to do and how to deal with it. Please contact your local Alanon group and go to a meeting - it really helps I promise.

Good luck.

I'll have a look into that thanks

CDfm

In one way its your Dads right to do what he wants to do.

If it doesnt suit you -you can move out.

As you dont talk to your Dad it is arguable whether or not this would influence him.

You don't say what he does or whether or not he wants to quit but has not been able too.

LIke any habit the person needs to want to do something about it.

If he does want help the first port of call should be your GP.