my self esteem issues

scarymoon1

Is it 'strange' to feel more confident when 'dressed down' i.e. no make up, casual clothes etc. When im like this I feel more confident than when Im going out to the pub dressed up. Maybe Im more confident when like this as I feel no one will take any notice of me, yet at the same time I crave attention and when I get it I feel shy and anxious. I feel when Im looking good, I get more attention and have to keep up been 'good' or people will get disappointed and wont like me anymore. They have this impression of me and if Im any less then I dont want that. Its usually the other way around with most people, they feel more confident when they look good. People tell me I have to just accept who I am and not care what others think, its none of my bsuiness what they think. Anyone as messed up as me who think like this???

LegacyUser

Don;t think it;s that strange at all. I always am more relaxed if I haven't made a big effort when getting ready to go out.

What motivates you to dress up - so that other people will notice you? That you have to look your best? so there's the pressure. You are trying to attain a certain level and there is possibly some stress involved in that.

If I'm going out in jeans and a t-shirt, I don't feel under any pressure. If I have a pint spilt on me, it's like " ah well". But, if I've preened myself and am wearing new clothes and want my image to be (and also my night to be) perfect, I am pressurising myself somewhat.

When you go out all dressed up you want people to notice you. You actively look at other people and therefore you are opening yourself up to possible judgment and criticism (as well as admiring looks and compliments) from others.

If I wear a suit and am looking sharp, I feel the same way - "hey, I'm looking very good today..... I wonder if any one else notices" - then I tend to look at people's faces more than I would otherwise.

So then it's down to interpretation and your self esteem issues: You can think "OMG, they're looking at me - I'm getting all embarrassed" OR before it even comes to that you can tell yourself "I look good today. It's for me. Not for others. If people notice then cool. If not then cool. I am not allowing myself to be effected by how others perceive how I look"

karen86

Yeah I can relate, I feel so relaxed and confident in jeans and a big hoodie.

When I dress up, it feels like I'm inviting people to look and judge.

Odaise Gaelach

I'd say that you feel more relaxed and comfortable in your casual clothes than you do dressing up because they're what you're wear more often than your dress-up clothes. They're more familiar to you.

When I wear a shirt or a suit, I'm wearing clothes that I normally wouldn't wear. I'd really only wear them if I was dressing up for a special occasion. By comparison my normal clothes are usually a t-shirt, jeans, and, umm... sandals and socks. They're familiar and comfortable for me and what I'd usually wear, even on a night out.

When I go out wearing my casual clothes then anyone that I meet sees me as I normally am, instead of something that I'm not. And if they like me for that, then so much the better. Sandals and socks and all. So I think you should wear your casual clothes out more. The people you meet and like you will see you more as yourself than if you dressed up.

And just as a side-note: I find girls who wear casual clothes - like jeans and a t-shirt - very attractive. They give the impression of a relaxed, comfortable and confident woman.

damienmcd

The issue of girls getting dressed up to go to the pub came up in conversation yesterday with my mates and we were all in agreement that we would rather see a girl dressed in her regular every-day clothes and feel comfortable than all tarted up in make-up and fancy clothes for no particular reason.

I am not saying that women should not get dressed up when going out, it is the choice of the individual and some feel more confident when dressed up, but if you feel more comfortable in your every-day clothes then this is what you should wear.

I personally find girls more attractive if they are in jeans and a t-shirt or top instead of being caked in make-up and orange from fake-tan. I think it's better to see the real person and not a layer of "war-paint". I also think that a girl who goes out in her regular clothes appears more confident and comfortable, which is much more attractive in my opinion.

I am more likely to be seen in a pair of jeans, hoodie and stupidly bright runners than in a shirt and fancy shoes. It's what I feel good in so I don't really care what anyone else thinks.

So to the OP, if you feel more confident in your every-day clothes, then wear them and the confidence should sort itself out, hopefully!

You're not the only one. I feel horrible and fake when dressed up. It's just not me.