Girlfriend and Best Friend Argument

LegacyUser

hey,

so last night my girlfriend and her best friend we're having an argument. The argument was basically about how one of my girlfriends room mates is a bit of a bitch. Her best friend disagreed and when I was asked my opinion I said to my girlfriend "Well you have to understand that shes probably stressed due to the new baby" (the 'bitch' housemate recently had a baby) so that was that and they continued to argue and I stayed out of it.

Later my girlfriend screamed at me and started saying how I didnt back her up and how I'm two faced. I told her I honestly didn't mean to. Basically she was upset because I too have complained about this house mate and never mentioned the argument that she had just had a baby. But, I had told my girlfriend that she can be overly mean to the housemate. That night I was really trying to diffuse the argument by my comment.

Also I really didnt think my girlfriend needed backing up as it was her best friend she was arguing with and even then, it didn't seem like an argument at all (It got heated later on). Another thing was that thought had only really just occurred to me and I just put it out there. Now she says she doesn't know if I'll back her up in future over more important things and thinks we should break up.

I really cant believe it if I'm honest, I've been there for her through everything and am always going out of my way to make sure shes happy.
This morning she apologised and said she didn't mean it but do you think she did mean it?

sajama

Hi OP,

I doubt she meant it - the fact that she slept on it and came back and apologised sounds like she realised she overreacted.

She was probably just riled up from the argument with her friend and surprised that you only began cutting the roommate some slack while she was having this argument with her friend. To her it probably looked like you were taking her friends "side" or whatever. She did completely overreact in saying she wanted to break up with but looks like she came to her senses

lillywhite1

It was probably just a heat of the moment thing and she wanted to show how mad she was. It is a bit childish though?

Then again maybe if I was more cynical I might suggest that she has put the idea out there that she will break up if you behave in certain ways which she does not like even if there is nothing wrong with them as in the arguement you mention. Even if she then takes it back it is still there in your mind and she knows that.

But that may be an overcynical answer. Has she ever behaved like that before?

Bottle_of_Smoke

A lot of people continue arguments because they want to win the argument, not because they think they're right. You disagreeing with her was an attack on her wanting to win the argument. She took it as a personal insult.

Logical people like yourself don't understand this, and it pisses me off no end too, but at least it appears she came to her senses the next day. Better than nothing.

You could talk to her again, explain you can't back her up when you disagree with what she's saying, so she sees your point of view in future.

LegacyUser

Oh no no no OP never ever ever go against your gf when she calls on you to agree with her,as you obviously did before?
But when asked for you to give your two cent you let her down,In that scenario i would be angry and my OH also.
And i can see where she came from on that part of the argument of you not backing her up.
But she also next day calmed down apologised to you.I am sure she had no intention of breaking up with you,but felt a bit betrayed by your previous giving out about this housemate and then to retract it in front of someone else.
See the point?what if was you giving out about said person,and she turned around and said what you said how would you have felt?

MsHolloway

I think your gf needs a cup of cop the hell on. She apologised which is good and I would take at face value. She might have just been caught up in the heat of the moment with the fight and so on.

You're better off not getting between two people when they fight, especially best friends. A couple of days later everything will be fine between the friends but they'll remember exactly what you said during the fight, and not favourably. Next time if they having another fight over nothing, just say "I'm not getting involved in this"

Obviously for serious things people back their partners up, but not in squabbles with their friends.

greenprincess

I would accept that she means sorry. a lot of people can be quite irrational when they are upset.

niceoneted

OP be true on honest to yourself and realise that even your opinion on a matter may change. Do not just agree with a partner on what they believe in. If you have to agree with a partner on their beliefs your not being true to your self or the relationship.