Annoyed with friend

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice as I've recently started getting annoyed at my best friend to the point where I can no longer stand being in the same room as her and I feel terrible for it. I have known her for about 4 years but I recently realised that she is a complete attention seeker and it's really getting on my nerves. This way sound minor but it's eating me up.

The thing that is getting to me most is a situation with two guys, one of which is my friend. She was going out with guy A (my friend) for years but broke up with him a few months ago. They continued seeing each other casually though. At the same time she was seeing guy B, who happens to be guy A's best friend. This was tearing guy A up but he put up with it because he loves her. She was trying to decide which one to go out with and was seeing them both until she made the decision. Last week she rang everyone to let them know that she had just broken up with guy A and everyone started fawning over her. I have no problem with that but what did annoy me was that everyone conveniently forgot that she actually broke up with guy A nearly four months ago! She also brings it up in every conversation to turn it around to her and I have to bite my tongue not to say that they broke up ages ago.

Anyway she's been stringing these two guys along for months and even though she "broke up" with guy A last week, she's still stringing him along because I'm sure she's loving having two guys fighting over her. The thing is it's breaking guy A and guy B's hearts and I can't stand it. I think it's ignorant and childish and I have no time for it. I can't stand how she's treating the two guys, especially since one is my friend. Since she made the decision to not see guy A anymore she has spent everyday with him, meeting him for lunch, staying at his house etc. and she's stringing him along again.

So far I know this sounds like I'm just jealous but the reason it's annoying me is that a lot of her attention seeking is directed at me. If someone pays me a compliment she turns around and storms off and won't talk to me for the rest of the day. At my birthday recently she sat in a corner all night and wouldn't talk to anyone and went home really early. She was staying in my house so I had to leave MY birthday hours early. If anything goes well for me she goes into a sulk until the attention is put back on her and I can't stand it. I can't stand being in the same room as her because of it.

Does anyone have any advice?

Sanjuro

Unfortunately, OP, the only advice you're likely to get is to keep schtumm and say nothing. This is a problem that affects three people and you throwing your lot in is only going to end badly for you. The girl, and guy B need to make their own mistakes. Guy A has to learn that this girl is a selfish person and he's being strung along. I know it sucks to see two friends get sucked into a bad situation by someone who's inherently selfish, but that's a mistake for them to make and learn by.

If you interfere, they will turn on you. It's almost (although not necessarily inevitably) bound to happen. You'll become the common enemy and it'll take the focus off the mistakes that are being made. Learn to live with it. It's very easy to be objective in a situation like this, but that's because you're outside it. Leave it be. It'll come to a head naturally, and in that situation, be there for your friend... Guy B. Don't risk your friendship because you don't like how this girl is behaving. And most of all, best of luck!

up for anything

Sanjuro wrote: »

be there for your friend... Guy B.

You got confused too! Her friend is Guy A.

I hate to say it but it's time to break up with your girl friend. People grow and change over the years and although it would be lovely to think that a friendship will survive anything, there are some that don't. In my life I have only twice made a conscious decision to drop a friend completely. Both times they were very close friends but I found their personalities and attitudes beginning to grate on me and wear me out. The relief was tremendous.

As for the alphabetti spaghetti situation, stay out of it. None of them will thank you for interfering.

seenitall

Remind me again, why is this person a "friend" of yours? I'd really like to know, as she sounds like a complete nutcase, in addition to being a self-absorbed, manipulative bitch, of course.

Cutting this poison out of your life is simply a matter of dignity and self-respect (like so many things on these PI threads are), cos what she is doing certainly has nothing to do with friendship.

I hope you realise this before you get sucked too deep into any more dramas, but you will have to let the AB guys make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons, which I am sure they will, given time.

Somehow, the general tone of your post is not very indicative that you will do the healthy thing for yourself, it sounds more like venting than looking for an actual solution, maybe there is even a part of you that enjoys hanging around the sidelines being an anguished spectator to this triangle-car crash situation? Otherwise, what is stopping you from simply walking away from this nightmare of a "friend"? (I hope that I am wrong regarding this.)

Anyway, good luck with it all...

Stu

How about trying this. Why don't you actually confront your friend and tell her that you are fed up with her childish behaviour and won't put up with it. Job done. If she apologises and changes her behaviour and cops herself on then you've done her a favour and your friendship will get stronger but if she treats you with contempt after confronting her then cut her out of your life. Simple as.

Pretty_Pistol

It sounds like you need to distance yourself or even completely drop her as a friend. It doesn't sound like a healthy friendship if you are starting to feel angry towards her and if she gets pissed off whenever someone complements you. I think most people end up dropping/have been dropped as a friend at least once in their lives.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Don't bother with her. She won't change.

Monkey61

She does sound quite unpleasant.

BUT...how she is treating these guys is none of your business. They are grown men, they know about each other and it is their decision if they want to be involved with her. She is perfectly entitled to date both of them if she wants considering the fact that she is being totally honest with them by the sounds of things. More fool them if they are getting their hearts broken.

How she is treating you is what you are entitled to get pissed off about though. I really don't see how you have managed to put up with her for so long. Stop hanging out with her would be the only sensible advice really.

parker larkin

dump her

LegacyUser

OP I'm not sure if you actually want to stop being friends with this girl or if your're just a bit fed up with her at the moment?

Sure she is being a b**** at the moment but in my experience with my group of friends, over the years, we all do this at some point wether it's a single incident or a phase. It's just part of growing up (which I'm still doing at 27 btw).

The thing that has kept our friendship strong is being able to call each other on our crap without it turning into an argument. Why not talk to your friend and tell her this. Say something like " You're my friend and you know I have all the time in the world for you, but at the moment your are being a selfish little b****, you're not treating A and B very well, and I'm not going to listen to you moaning on about it anymore so lets just change the subject"

TitoPuente

Stop hanging around with this dangerous woman.

bronte

I'd consider if I wanted to continue the "friendship" tbh.
It's dreadful what she's doing to your friend, but he must learn the hard way I'm afraid.
Throwing a strop at your birthday party and having you come home early is a sackable offence though. That's so incredibly selfish.
Maybe if you take a break from her, she may realise the error of her ways.