I'm desperate, I need help!!!

LiliAne

Hi all,

Well, few weeks ago, a girl moved in to our apartment. She loved it from the first sight, because it's big, nice, high standard and clean.

The problem is that the girl doesn't care about her hygiene. I have noticed, that for over a month she didn't had soap in a bathroom, I thought that she probably was using mine, thats ok, but NO! Can you imagine? We share the same kitchen! I'm disgusted to touch anything! Once I had a chat about that with her, I ask about the soap, she said: 'Oh, yes, I have it in my room, I just didn't want to make the bathroom crowde.' WTF? Then she snick out to the shop and bought the f..ing soap and placed in the bathroom. I mentioned that when she is washing a dishes, they are still oily. And she vomits a lot, when I say a lot it means almost every evening. Don't forget that she doesn't wash her hands! Once even she vomited into the bin, just when I opened I just fly away! I just want to scream! After our chat, I thought she will change her behavior, but she didn't. I think she is suffering from bulimia, few days ago I discovered a plastic bag in a bin with her vomits. Dear good it is sick.

How should I took to her? how can I talk to her in the way that could bring some results?

Beg you, help me!

tenchi-fan

first of all.. I think you're making a big deal out of the no soap thing! She probably uses water to wash her hands. I don't know how many people I've noticed who don't even wash their hands after using the toilet. well, guys anyway.

the bulimia thing probably isn't any of your business. but getting sick into a bin and not changing it is gross. You should definitely confront her on that.

And about not washing the dishes properly.. well that would be annoying! But I've lived with much worse people who not only didn't wash them properly.. they wouldn't bother washing up at all.

You should probably ask her to move out because she obviously disgusts you! But don't expect your next housemate to be any better.

LiliAne

Of course her bulimia is not my problem, I just wanted to stress that its another reason to feel disgust. My room is near bathroom, I hear if she is washing hands or not even with just a water. The answer is no.

I will not ask her to move out, I have to admit that I am a pussy, I was raised to be nice for people, I just can not go and say, hey just f..k out from here.

Is it normal that she is using my thing without permission even? It would be nice if she could as: 'can i use you mixer', but she go straight to my cupboard. Yesterday I saw that she opened my milk even. I will develop some mental disease.

And she seems to be a nice person despite all that.

tenchi-fan

I don't think you can get her to change.

my advice.
wait 2 days until this thread gets a few more replies.
print it out
and pin it to your fridge.

Or you could just be straight with her and say everything to her face.

LiliAne

Printing this topic out would be cruel, but might work.
You see, if she suffers from bulimia, it means that she has some mental problems too, maybe not mental but suffer from lack of confidence, self-acceptance etc. she is a 'big girl', and I don't want to add anything more that could put her down...

username123

OP - you sound fairly intolerant. The vomiting in the bin business I can understand your point of view on, but the rest of it actually sounds like youre stalking the girl in what is now her own home. Unless you are in the bathroom with her you dont know if she is washing her hands or not. The soap thing just sounds odd that you would even notice it. If youre worried about touching things that she touches in the kitchen because she doesnt wash her hands then I suggest you never touch a doorknob or money ever again because you havent a clue of the personal hygiene of anyone who ever touched them before you. Humans are built to withstand a certain level of bacteria. Otherwise we'd all be dropping dead from just paying for something in a shop.

Sticking a note about hand washing on the bathroom door just sounds anally retentative and plain rude - if she is an adult you have no business telling her that she needs to wash her own hands. You may have higher standards of personal hygiene and thats fine, but unless she is actively smelly and disturbing you with her body odour then its not really your business.

Oily dishes - yes, point out they have not been washed properly - fine.

Using your mixer - whats the big deal? If its used, cleaned and put back, I dont see the problem.

When you live with other people you have to have some tolerance, different people are different.

The only thing I would be seriously be concerned with is the vomiting into a bin - the rest of it sounds mild.

tenchi-fan

username123 wrote: »

The only thing I would be seriously be concerned with is the vomiting into a bin - the rest of it sounds mild.

Agreed. I probably wouldn't even notice the soap thing. And I lived with a lot of disgusting people over the years (people can present themselves so well when they're showing you about!)

Op if you can afford to you should rent by yourself. You sound like a difficult person - I'm not trying to be offensive but you just come across as very particular.

LiliAne

username123 wrote: »

OP - you sound fairly intolerant. The vomiting in the bin business I can understand your point of view on, but the rest of it actually sounds like youre stalking the girl in what is now her own home. Unless you are in the bathroom with her you dont know if she is washing her hands or not. The soap thing just sounds odd that you would even notice it. If youre worried about touching things that she touches in the kitchen because she doesnt wash her hands then I suggest you never touch a doorknob or money ever again because you havent a clue of the personal hygiene of anyone who ever touched them before you. Humans are built to withstand a certain level of bacteria. Otherwise we'd all be dropping dead from just paying for something in a shop.

Sticking a note about hand washing on the bathroom door just sounds anally retentative and plain rude - if she is an adult you have no business telling her that she needs to wash her own hands. You may have higher standards of personal hygiene and thats fine, but unless she is actively smelly and disturbing you with her body odour then its not really your business.

Oily dishes - yes, point out they have not been washed properly - fine.

Using your mixer - whats the big deal? If its used, cleaned and put back, I dont see the problem.

When you live with other people you have to have some tolerance, different people are different.

The only thing I would be seriously be concerned with is the vomiting into a bin - the rest of it sounds mild.

Dear God, are u serious?
I didn't mention that since she moved in there is constant stink in the hall way. I dont know why! It just stinks like a s..t. Is this normal?

And yes I am pissed off that she doesnt ask if she can use my thing! It's just not polite! I wouldn't mind if she would ask before. You said: " If its used, cleaned and put back, I dont see the problem." - well she put it back not clean, I said she has problem with proper washing.

And maybe you didn't read carefully but I said that she doesn't wash her hands at all. It's not a private thing as long she lives with other people!

LiliAne

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Op if you can afford to you should rent by yourself. You sound like a difficult person - I'm not trying to be offensive but you just come across as very particular.

So.. you saying that if someone cares about hygiene is automatically a difficult person? For me, someone who does not understand how hygiene is important is difficult and badly educated.

Ickle Magoo

Do you have any say over who is in the flat, OP? If so, you give her a months notice to move out & if you don't, hand in your own notice and get flat hunting.

Some flatmates are horrendous, some have become life long friends, when it doesn't work out you just have to move or ask them to.

username123

Well Op if its that much of a big deal for you then you should definitely ask her to move out. I mean, its not that youre coming across as a nasty person or anything, you just sound like you could be hard to live with if other people dont conform to your standards. If its causing you so much distress then definitely ask her to leave. No point in having your head wrecked over someone you live with. You wont be able to change her, you probably wont be able to become more tolerant - so its best for you both if she goes.

Ive lived with plenty of different types of people - Ive never once noticed anyones soap, hand washing activities or minded if they used my stuff. If I did, and it bothered me as much as its clearly bothering you then I would have left or asked them to leave.

gandalf

Welcome to the joys of sharing a home with strangers. All of us who have shared Houses or Apartments have shared with people who have had "hygiene issues". Apart from the leaving vomit in the bin there is not much you can do. I certainly would nip that in the bud with her. You cannot make anyone wash their hands as really that is something thats personal to them. Just don't accept a sandwich from them

dellas1979

Well, I too would be grossed out by what you have described.

Not washing hands - including only using water (no soap) just does not cut it and is disgusting. Dirt,faeces,oil,grime,sweat..............vomit - are ye serious? ye think she is over-reacting?

Lets see some dirty ****er smear their manky hands all over your houses.

OP, Im afraid either you pluck up the courage to either ask her to move out or point out the hygiene problem OR youve to move yourself (that is if you dont own the place).

calex71

Well I'm a walker and my house mates over the years have yet to contract any illness

The puking in the bin though would be in instant red card though, get rid.

6th

Mod Note: OP is currently serving a 7 day ban. Please bare in mind if awaiting a responce.

xzanti

Call me OCD but I'd be of the same frame of mind as the OP, Jesus vomiting in the bins? I have every sympathy for people with eating disorders but that just sounds lazy not to mention fcuking disgusting, what goes on in the bathroom is the persons business but you don't take it out into the communal areas.. and as for noticing her personal hygiene habits, I think it's natural to do so when somebody blatantly stinks, of course you're going to start investigating, she lives in the same house as her..

My sympathy OP


(whenever you get unbanned and all that)

The Recliner

Thread locked because the OP keeps re-regging to get around a ban