should i tell him?

longneck

long time ago i got pregnant.did'nt tell the then boyfriend,scared,too young etc.broke up with him and subsequently lost the baby at 5 months.i never told anyone and coped through an awful time alone.thing is,we are now in touch again and i feel i am being dishonest in some way because i have this secret.he believes i just broke up with him out of the blue and caused him an awful lot of pain.what does anyone think?

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

I think if you find it cathartic then you should tell him. It may help him to understand why the relationship ended the way it did and I agree, knowing you were pregnant with his child and chatting to him without mentioning it must be an enormous elephant in the room for you.

If you decide to tell him, I think you should do it face to face and pick a private location where he (and you!) can get upset without feeling self concious.

Best of luck.

quicklickpaddy

I'd say definitely tell him. Can I ask why you broke up with him in the first place?

longneck

broke up with him because i found i was pregnant and went into sheer panic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quicklickpaddy

longneck wrote: »

broke up with him because i found i was pregnant and went into sheer panic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pfff... That's pretty heavy... I think you should definitely tell him but tbh... If I was him I'm not sure how well I'd take it. If it had been born would you have told him?

longneck

of course i would have told him.just was'nt thinking straight at the time it all happened.then it was too late,we lost touch.

quicklickpaddy

Well if it's getting to you then I think you should tell him. Hopefully he'll take it well

Good Luck!

Tail Wagger

longneck wrote: »

long time ago i got pregnant.did'nt tell the then boyfriend,scared,too young etc.broke up with him and subsequently lost the baby at 5 months.i never told anyone and coped through an awful time alone.thing is,we are now in touch again and i feel i am being dishonest in some way because i have this secret.he believes i just broke up with him out of the blue and caused him an awful lot of pain.what does anyone think?

If it's a long time ago, how long was it... I'd be very careful about bringing up the past like that, you could have a bit of a backlash. It could have been the makeing of you both as a couple, now it could be a breaking of a friendship, so have a good long think first?

quicklickpaddy

Tail Wagger wrote: »

If it's a long time ago, how long was it... I'd be very careful about bringing up the past like that, you could have a bit of a backlash. It could have been the makeing of you both as a couple, now it could be a breaking of a friendship, so have a good long think first?

If you were him you'd want to know though right?

Tail Wagger

quicklickpaddy wrote: »

If you were him you'd want to know though right?

Don't know the full story, what worry's me is the long time ago, is that 10/15 years ago. Lot's of things happen over that period of time, other relationships kid's break up's etc. Suddenly you meet up with an old flame who dumped you " a long time ago" and then you give him the news.. I don't think so?

Giggernaut

If you know he's still smarting from the break up,tell him. I mean its a no win situation but at least its closure for you and an explanation for him.

Considering it happened a while ago make sure you take into consideration his current situation dont go being all selfish;people move on. If it weighs heavy on your mind seek alternative ways to exercise your guilt..ie counselling.

However dont expect flowers and a hug this guy will be hurt. I can only go by how I would feel if I was told the same news.

Des Carter

I think it depends on yoyr current relationship. you have said that you've gotten back in touch but how close are ye now?
have ye just had a few conversations?
Is there still chemistry?
Are ye both still single and if so are either one of ye considering the possibility of getting back together?

if its just a few brief conversations I really wounldnt advise bringing it up but if ye have gotten close again and/or have re-established a connection I think you definitely need to tell him.

Wibbs

If its that long ago why bring up the past? OK it might give you "closure", but it may very well negatively impact on him by doing so. Let sleeping dogs lie. If you didnt tell him then I dont see what telling him now would accomplish TBH