Break?

LegacyUser

Been seeing the oh for 7 months now, lately we've been rowing about trivial things. A couple of days ago, he asked if we could have a break in contact, not a break up. Not heard from him since, and kinda worried sick. I know he needs space to think, but my head is spinning. Would like some input or advice. Do these breaks work or is it just a lead up to a complete break up?

InTheTrees

I'm no expert..

But I take it these last few days without contact have been the longest periods without contact in a long time?

Its hard to know what he wants but he made the effort to say it was a break not a break up so thats positive but I dont think you'd be out of line in wanting some clarification.

TitoPuente

Sorry to sound negative but when someone calls a break with me it's always a massive red flag which suggests "Run - it ain't working"

If you're worried about his wellbeing for some reason then try and get in touch with him for peace of mind. If it's just that he wanted to "take a break" in relationship terms, then I suggest you protect yourself and move on. Either that or go to the trouble of finding out what's going on with the guy. But I'd recommend the former.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, once we were over the first week or so of dating, we've pretty much been in some sort of contact everyday. I am trying to look at the positives, I can see how some time apart to think is better than continued arguments and an eventual break up. Guess I just don't like having to wait and see when he'll call. I don't want to force his hand by calling him, he asked for space and I'm giving it. Just afraid that I'm sitting here missing him while he's planning to dump me!

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

He's asked for a break in contact but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask for a time-frame in which a decision will be reached, you can't put your life on hold while he makes up his mind.

To be honest, though, a man who would rather leave their partner hanging and ignore them for a period of time rather than speak to them about their issues and work through problems face to face doesn't really fill me with confidence regarding his commitment to the relationship. Sorry.

Best of luck, hope things work out.

Faith

Worried-break wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, once we were over the first week or so of dating, we've pretty much been in some sort of contact everyday. I am trying to look at the positives, I can see how some time apart to think is better than continued arguments and an eventual break up. Guess I just don't like having to wait and see when he'll call. I don't want to force his hand by calling him, he asked for space and I'm giving it. Just afraid that I'm sitting here missing him while he's planning to dump me!

God, it's like reading a post by me 2 months ago, except we'd been going out for 18 months. We had lots of little arguments over weeks, culminating in a big one where he announced he wasn't happy. He asked for space, not even a break, but dropped out of contact for nearly 5 days, until I insisted he tell me what was going on. He said he wanted to work on things, but he never got back into it. We broke up a couple of weeks later.

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hey OP,

He's asked for a break in contact but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask for a time-frame in which a decision will be reached, you can't put your life on hold while he makes up his mind.

To be honest, though, a man who would rather leave their partner hanging and ignore them for a period of time rather than speak to them about their issues and work through problems face to face doesn't really fill me with confidence regarding his commitment to the relationship. Sorry.

Best of luck, hope things work out.

I have to agree with Ickle Magoo here. My ex's disregard for my feelings, ignoring me for days, was a huge red flag. I wish I'd just finished things there and then, rather than prolonging the pain.

It's obviously up to you, OP, but in my experience, these things don't work out that often. How do you feel about him? 7 months isn't that long, you could still walk away without too much hurt. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to force his hand though. I ended up sending my ex a text, telling him I had to know what was going on in his head. He owes you an update, at least.

John Mason

he wants to break up with you but hasnt got the balls to tell you.

op, move on and forget about him - dont even attempt to contact him even if it is just to find out what the situation is, you are just playing into his hands.


onwards and upwards

Sephiroth_dude

In my experience yes they lead to break ups but thats just my personal experience,just give him the space he wants and wait till he contacts you,dont contact him.

Sephiroth_dude

irishbird wrote: »

he wants to break up with you but hasnt got the balls to tell you.

op, move on and forget about him - dont even attempt to contact him even if it is just to find out what the situation is, you are just playing into his hands.


onwards and upwards

Actually thats good advice right there.

InTheTrees

irishbird wrote: »

he wants to break up with you but hasnt got the balls to tell you.

Well...

Yes. Its a male strategy to avoid the hours of emotional havoc that can come from announcing a breakup. Remember the male of the species isnt good at dealing with emotional issues and will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid confrontation.

But it could also be true...

Tail Wagger

Worried-break wrote: »

Been seeing the oh for 7 months now, lately we've been rowing about trivial things. A couple of days ago, he asked if we could have a break in contact, not a break up. Not heard from him since, and kinda worried sick. I know he needs space to think, but my head is spinning. Would like some input or advice. Do these breaks work or is it just a lead up to a complete break up?

Well 25 years ago in June coming the woman I was living with told me to go on holidays for a couple of weeks, I followed her advice, the best thing I ever done and I'm still enjoying them. I wouldn't know her now if I met her on the street?

magneticimpulse

Yep break usually means an easy way of saying he is breaking up with you.

Im not sure what other people think. But just tell him, look this isnt working for you and dump him!

Most likely he will be not impressed that you "dumped" him. But just ignore it, if he tries to talk you back...he would prob just want to have the chance to dump you.

Even if you never contact him again, just forget him. If someone loves you and enjoys your company, they wont let you hang around for days on end being sad. They would love you to much to do that...he obvisously doesnt love you. He is just playing the field and on the eye out for a new girlfriend. He might even try to be "friends with benefits" if that doesnt work out during "his" break from you, but again ignore this completely if he tries to get back with you.

whatsamsn

"Lets take a break" is a cheap way of building up to a break-up.

Its 99.9% followed up by sentences such as "i was thinking, we're not right for each other" ... or the ever popular "I realised certain things, we sould see other people"

No matter what sentence you hear. Its all BS. It is a poor persons attempt to end it - but not come out and say it.

It is a classic point proven to reading a person and not just listening to what they say. (actions speak louder than words and all that)

gingelion

InTheTrees wrote: »

Well...

Yes. Its a male strategy to avoid the hours of emotional havoc that can come from announcing a breakup. Remember the male of the species isnt good at dealing with emotional issues and will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid confrontation.

But it could also be true...

This annoyed me. You know women pull this **** too!! Not trying to start an argument, just been on the end of some crap like this recently and she's the emotionally retarded one, not me.

OP, sounds bad but I dont think you should be demanding any sort of timeframe. Try to get on with your own life and forget about him. He might get back to ya eventually, (it'll probably be too late though) but if there's some problem that needs to be worked out I dont think putting a time-limit on it will help.

Or just break up with him first.

Wibbs

I agree with irishbird. Move on. Now if it is one of those rare occasions where it is an actual break then you moving on won't impact that negatively. Instinctively you may think it will, but in my humble and experience it won't. The only times Ive seen a break not become a breakup the one on the receiving end basically said "ok yep, maybe a good idea" and started to move on. And as gingelion wrote its not gender specific. Women use this line too as much as men.