how will i return to full time work?

leog

I had a fabulous baby boy that i waited years to be blessed with. He is 10 weeks old and can't stop thinking that I have to return to full time work after the summer. It doesn't seem long enough. I work in a nursery and it doesn't feel right i'll be looking after everyone elses kids and not my own. My boyf is unemployed and although i know we should be glad to have a wage coming in, and its nice that baby will be looked after by his daddy and not a stranger, i feel bitter that he'll be the one probably seeing him take his first step and hearing his first word. Have stressed this to boyf but he doesn't think i'm being fair. Also, boyf is unfortunately not blessed with energy and i know i'm going to be working and coming home to no dinners or housework done!!!! Any advice?

cats.life

can you bring your lad with you at all, i was in your shoes 6yrs ago, finished work as in 'on leave'', then had great time of with baby ,in the last week before i went back to work i got so emotional leaving him with a total stranger miles away ,couldnt find anyone closer,had to get into a routine of getting up early with baby and to get my 6yr (now 12)to school, it was not worth it cos i was only doing part time ,9-2. cut long story short i gave in my notice, i claimed my stamps for a bit, my partner helped out on the money side of things. i know how your feeling . what are your hours? you are not being silly by no means but bf will need to pull up his socks a bit,as to get a bit of dinner on for you, half the battle is you dont have to worry about baby when your back at work, you will need to get a routine going in your house for when you go back to job, you do need to get back to what you were before baby as in the work side of your life,. you are a mother now what your feeling is so normal, thats the mummy in you..

Nevyn

If you partner is not working and you are both at home then you need to get a routine where you are not doing all the house work started asap.
Get a cleaning rountine going, include him in it, set tasks on certain days and take turns so that the routine it there before you go back to work and the house should keep ticking over.

If you end up after being in work coming home to a mess and all the house work and having to cook and look after the baby when he's been there all day you wil be exhausted and it can result in huge resentment.

Deliverance

leog wrote: »

I had a fabulous baby boy that i waited years to be blessed with. He is 10 weeks old and can't stop thinking that I have to return to full time work after the summer. It doesn't seem long enough. I work in a nursery and it doesn't feel right I'll be looking after everyone else's kids and not my own. My boyf is unemployed and although i know we should be glad to have a wage coming in, and its nice that baby will be looked after by his daddy and not a stranger, i feel bitter that he'll be the one probably seeing him take his first step and hearing his first word. Have stressed this to boyf but he doesn't think i'm being fair. Also, boyf is unfortunately not blessed with energy and i know i'm going to be working and coming home to no dinners or housework done!!!! Any advice?

Big point here: Having a child is a life changing event.

Sounds like you guys need to have a serious sit down, talk about the new life changes that you both have to get used to. You guys are a family now and not just a couple. Your lives are now very different and you both need to make changes and adapt as such.

For yourself, concerns seem to be anxiety about being separated from your child. Would it be fair to say that you're nervous about returning to work as well?

If so can you talk to your employer and get some re-assurance? Maybe you can return for awhile on a kind of self probation (2 months) to see if it will work out for you and your 'new family'. This might take some pressure off you by knowing that your employer is aware and understanding of your situation. This might take some pressure off you in that respect.

In the meantime the Boyfriend should be aware of your concerns as well. I.e. housework and dinner etc. If he wants to be a stay at home Dad, then that is just something that he will have to do.

You guys really need to discuss this a lot more. But if it just descends into arguments when you try this then suggest mediation. I'm not sure where you can get this mediation but hopefully other members on here will put up some recommendations?

Also I have seen lots of advice on this forum which points to parenting courses. Again I imagine that others might come in and suggest said courses.

I hope it works out for you guys. It is a tough situation at your point I imagine that you are at a pivotal point in your relationship as it stands. It is a good sign that you are asking for advice on here for a start.

I hope the advice that is offered as such will give you guys a chance to adapt and change. My opinion overall is just that: ie you need to adapt and change sooner rather than later. If left to late then it is far to easy to end up seperated.

Best of luck OP.