Demanding GF / lazy BF?

LegacyUser

Hi guys.. ok just need some independent advice please
As title says really just don't know if im being demanding or he's lazy.
My bf (of a year)suggested months ago goin to concert i like.. said he'd sort it.. all good
except he hsn't.. keeps saying yeah we'll go to that.. must do that etc etc
you get the picture.. my ex was complete opposite always orgainsing things for us to do.. and if he mentioned somenthing it was orgaised really soon after..

sorry for going on but question is.. i feel like why should i have to keep reminding him.. surey if he cared enough he'd do these things himself....or am i just spoilt from previous relationship.. is this just bein a typical male and should i just have to give in and organise it? small matter i know but want it sorted thanks in advance

Barracudaincork

advice pls wrote: »

my ex was complete opposite always orgainsing things for us to do.. and if he mentioned somenthing it was orgaised really soon after..

Stop comparing the two people, it didnt work out anyhow with your ex no matter how organised he was. You current partner and ex are two different people (and more than likely neither are what you percieve to be a typical male) each with their plus side and minus side.

Basically if someone not been organised is a deal breaker for you, thats your choice and you need to tell your current partner that. If its not a deal breaker and just something that pi$$es you off, then just remind yourself you too arent faultless and this is just one of his faults.

tenchi-fan

some people just aren't "do-ers"
So i wouldn't write him off just because he is useless at getting around to doing things.

On the other hand, it would be nice of him to make an effort once in a while. I know this couple... she said "its our five year anniversary, what do u want to do." Without lifting his eyes from the tv he said "whatever." She dumped him.

seamus

tenchi-fan wrote: »

some people just aren't "do-ers"

QFT

Some people do things immediately
Some people do things when they need to be done
Some people never get around to doing things

I imagine most people fall into or around the middle bracket there. Just because he hasn't done something, that's not an indicator that he doesn't care, it's an indicator that there's no urgent need right now - it's not a priority. "Priority" is in terms of when things need to be done and not who has asked for them to be done.

The question here is whether it's important to you that things get done immediately or whether you're happy that they just get done.

This isn't a case of him caring about you.

Ickle Magoo

advice pls wrote: »

sorry for going on but question is.. i feel like why should i have to keep reminding him.. surey if he cared enough he'd do these things himself....

Hey OP,

Why do you keep reminding him? Equally if you cared enough, you would trust that he would get round to it, wouldn't you?

When someone keeps on at me to do something, their nagging often has the opposite effect and I put it on the long finger just because I'm being hassled about it and not trusted to do something I said I would. Try not reminding him and see if things improve?

Best of luck

LegacyUser

My ex was definitely not a 'do-er'. It eventually doomed the relationship as he was so laid back he never got a round to doing anything he said he would. If I'm dating someone, they need to have drive and motivation to do things and not let the world pass them by. It mightn't be that he doesn't care enough, some people are just like that. Good luck OP.

ClayDavis

I don't understand why you can't just book the tickets yourself?

I mean I think either book it yourself or say something to him. Leaving it stew isn't going to help anyone.

When you are organising things do you always take care of it straight away?

S23

tenchi-fan wrote: »

some people just aren't "do-ers"
So i wouldn't write him off just because he is useless at getting around to doing things.

On the other hand, it would be nice of him to make an effort once in a while. I know this couple... she said "its our five year anniversary, what do u want to do." Without lifting his eyes from the tv he said "whatever." She dumped him.

She sounds like a right thick to be honest. If she hadn't worked out what he was like in 5 years then she can't have been the sharpest tool in the shed. Dumping someone after 5 years for answering a question in a manner that displeases you is shockingly stupid


As for the OP. I agree with some sentiments above. Stop comparing your last (failed) relationship to this one. If your ex was really that all round fabulous he wouldn't be your ex now. Don't expect your new BF to have all your exes good traits and no bad traits of his own. People are fallible. You have to take each person as they are.

I also entirely agree he may not be much of a 'doer'. However, you can still nudge him in the right direction and let him know that maybe it would be nice for him to show more follow through on stuff he says he will organise. I mean don't make plans you don't try and keep etc...

Its not a big issue in my eyes. However, if it is a big issue for you then you may just need to be blunt about it