guys advice

ktk

I need a man's advice and have a feeling it isn't going to be what I want to hear but here goes:

Ex and I split and continued to have sex on a regular enough basis and we were in contact my phone etc. It came to a head a few weeks ago when we had a chat about what was going on and he said as much as he loved being with me he didn't think we were compatable and we called it a day again. Then the text started up again just friendly ones nothing else. Last weekend he was at a wedding and phoned me late, he was really drunk but a bit tipsy and I was out also and we chatted for about 15 minutes. Then he called me again later but I missed the call.

Next day he texted to see if he could come over and join me in bed, I told him I was up and about and he asked me if he could come down and I told him as tempting as it was it might not be a good idea. In the end he came down and we had a lovely few hours together.

Then we met each other out that night and when his friend told him he was leaving and getting a taxi home he said to wait for him and his friend said for him to stay in the bar with me, in the end he did and came home with me again .

Is he just using me for sex or what sometimes I think he misses me and is to stubborn to say, he can be quiet stubborn but at the same time extremely caring. I don't know what is going on in his head as we have fantastic sex a great time in each other's company can talk about anything so i just need a guys opinion but guessing it is going to be he is using me.

Thanks.

wireless101

ktk wrote: »

I need a man's advice and have a feeling it isn't going to be what I want to hear but here goes:

Ex and I split and continued to have sex on a regular enough basis and we were in contact my phone etc. It came to a head a few weeks ago when we had a chat about what was going on and he said as much as he loved being with me he didn't think we were compatable and we called it a day again. Then the text started up again just friendly ones nothing else. Last weekend he was at a wedding and phoned me late, he was really drunk but a bit tipsy and I was out also and we chatted for about 15 minutes. Then he called me again later but I missed the call.

Next day he texted to see if he could come over and join me in bed, I told him I was up and about and he asked me if he could come down and I told him as tempting as it was it might not be a good idea. In the end he came down and we had a lovely few hours together.

Then we met each other out that night and when his friend told him he was leaving and getting a taxi home he said to wait for him and his friend said for him to stay in the bar with me, in the end he did and came home with me again .

Is he just using me for sex or what sometimes I think he misses me and is to stubborn to say, he can be quiet stubborn but at the same time extremely caring. I don't know what is going on in his head as we have fantastic sex a great time in each other's company can talk about anything so i just need a guys opinion but guessing it is going to be he is using me.

Thanks.

Yes.

MrGoodDeal

Yes, and you don't seem to mind at all. You are giving him all the right signals. he can have a s**g pretty much when he wants. i'd say he just feels lonely and has not found someone else as easily as he might have thought at the start. I can accept though that there is a friendly relationship between both of you. but, yes sounds like you are using each other.

redfacedbear

The answer is almost certainly not that he wants to be with you but won't/can't accept it for whatever reason.

It could be that you are a convenient booty call, that he hasn't fully left the relationship in his head yet, that you'll do until something better comes along etc. What he has clearly said though is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you - if you are only going along with this in the hope that it will develop into more I reckon you will be sorely disappointed.

Having said that I think the phrase 'using me for sex' is unwarranted - to me it implies a level of duplicity or underhandedness on his part that from my reading of it is not there.

Snowie

I think your booth criminal of using each other.

I would say that maybe you booth are having touble braking the habbits of what once a reletionship and now is not!

Gang of Gin

Yeah, this one looks dead on the water. I suggest you move on, because he will in time too. I knew a few couples who were playing this same charade for a while. It ends up very messy. Although some people may see it through and get back together, but it stinks of settling. I don't see why you should do that. Or him.

ktk

I know I am giving him all the right signals but because I still love him and have found it really hard to move on, I have tried and then we end up talking and I everything that I missed comes back, I guess he knows all the right buttons to press and I allow him.

I guess I just thought that maybe he felt the same as I do but on seeing all you guys answer that he is more or less using me for sex and I am allowing him.

GavRedKing

Sounds like both of you are getting what ye want out of it at the moment. It seems like there is still feelings between ye but until it comes out and is said, neither of ye know where ye stand.

If ye are both ok with the casual fling side of it, carry on but if it is upsetting either of ye id advise call in end to it, I went through a similar friendship, not so much sex situation with my ex and it went well for a few weeks after we broke up but it was just to complicated to meet up and see each other.

We still occiasionally txt and talk when we see one and other out and about but I would recommend if you feel like you are being used, say it to him and try work out what ye both want.

ktk

thanks gavredking, we did have a chat a few weeks ago but now wondering should we talk again or do we just leave it and see what happens? We did chat about stuff in the future and I am going to a wedding in a few weeks and he said that he would have come with me as my date if I wanted, I have already RSVP and am not bringing him.

I do feel like I am being used but at the same time have no one to blame but myself as I let him come over when he wants.

GavRedKing

ktk wrote: »

thanks gavredking, we did have a chat a few weeks ago but now wondering should we talk again or do we just leave it and see what happens? We did chat about stuff in the future and I am going to a wedding in a few weeks and he said that he would have come with me as my date if I wanted, I have already RSVP and am not bringing him.

I do feel like I am being used but at the same time have no one to blame but myself as I let him come over when he wants.

The hardest thing to do is to cut ties, if ye are both comfortable with being friends then ye should continue to be and see how it plays out, if you let him know this and he respects you he wont be looking for quick and easy sex and shouldnt pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with.

I have become friends with my ex, and we both understand its only a friendship thing because we know each other so well that it would be silly to just go our seperate ways, as long as both parties know what is happening and what could potentially happen in the future then ye should enjoy yer time together no matter what it may involve doing OP.

ktk

when we were just "friends" it was great, nice to be able to chat to him etc. as we know lots of the same people so its nice being able to talk. But then when we slept together again I guess it just brought back feelings.

I am going to leave it a few days I think and maybe at the weekend say something or maybe not, will think about it as my feelings for him haven't changed and thats the scary part.

thanks, good to get guys advice rather than girls.

Gang of Gin

ktk wrote: »

when we were just "friends" it was great, nice to be able to chat to him etc. as we know lots of the same people so its nice being able to talk. But then when we slept together again I guess it just brought back feelings.

I am going to leave it a few days I think and maybe at the weekend say something or maybe not, will think about it as my feelings for him haven't changed and thats the scary part.

thanks, good to get guys advice rather than girls.

Oh, and just to add, the boozing thing, always a recipe for disaster. That wedding (should he go) could see things back to square 1 (well square 2, anyway). You'll definitely know how he feels if he's not keen or somewhat distant during the week.

ktk

OK I know when he phoned me he was drunk but when he called to my house he wasn't and then again that night we both were. No I am not asking him to the wedding with me, have already sent back my reply.

ktk

as a matter of curiousity is there anyway to try to win back his heart - we didn't have a fall out when we split which I guess is why it is easy for us to be in contact and still sleep together.

I know I said he feels we aren't compatable but he told me that he felt that we should have wanted to be together all the time whereas we both enjoyed doing stuff seperately and then meeting up.

Maybe there is no way but I can't stop thinking of him and all the great times we had together.

Novella

ktk wrote: »

as a matter of curiousity is there anyway to try to win back his heart - we didn't have a fall out when we split which I guess is why it is easy for us to be in contact and still sleep together.

I know I said he feels we aren't compatable but he told me that he felt that we should have wanted to be together all the time whereas we both enjoyed doing stuff seperately and then meeting up.

Maybe there is no way but I can't stop thinking of him and all the great times we had together.

You are letting him have his cake and eat it now. He gets all the bonuses of a relationship without having to make any commitment.

He said he feels like you aren't compatible but he's perfectly happy to sleep with you. Does that not say it all for you? Imo, it is just about sex for him now. "he told me that he felt that we should have wanted to be together all the time whereas we both enjoyed doing stuff seperately and then meeting up." - BS. All couples enjoy doing things separately. That just sounds like an excuse.

Any way to win back his heart? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. He was with you, he isn't now. If he wanted you, he'd still be with you. It would be better for you to move on. I know it's not easy but it'd be so much easier to do it now than go on sleeping with him and hoping he'll realise he still loves you or something. The likelihood is it will not happen.

Tefral

ktk wrote: »

as a matter of curiousity is there anyway to try to win back his heart.

My advice is to stop staying in contact with him. That way either two things will happen.

1. Hes not getting sex and then realises its more than just sex, begins to miss you and the long and short of it ye get back together.

2. All contact is lost, you move on eventually and then you live happliy ever after because you realise you can do better and arent being used.

mcbobbyb

I agree. You have to stop givin him easy sex if you want him back. If he still loves you he should want to spend time with you. Otherwise move on. Hes not worth it.

ktk

I guess I'm not worth it - as I asked him last night if we could maybe watch a movie together and he said that he didn't see the opportunity (?) and the said that he knows its a cop out but he has a lot on this weekend, I don't doubt that as his brother is getting married next week and I know that he'll be doing stuff at home. Now a movie would be a night thing. Anyway texted him and said that for the sanity of my head and my heart I couldn't do this anymore. So now I am going to try my hardest not to contact him and realise that as the movie says "he's just not that into you".

Thanks for the the advice - good to get a male view.