teenage crush but I'm mid-20's

LegacyUser

I'm living abroad with two guys for the last 3/4 months. I have my own friends over here too, but I've started to really really like my flatmate. There is a bit of a language barrier, but he seems like a really nice guy, his girlfriend left him just before christmas out of the blue, they had been living together.....though he was hurt about it (I didn't know him till later)...he always laughs and jokes.

I'd developed a crush on him the last 2/3 months.....we help each other out with learning each others language, he invited me out wiht his friends one night, and to his brothers house for drinks, and when he's here on the weekends it's nice to hang out and watch movies together and go shopping........weekdays is the same.

thing is, I've no idea if he feels the same way.....if he had a word to show me in the dictionary, he'd keep it close enough to him so I had to lean in a bit......i've started to get a little closer to see his reaction, like maybe letting my feet touch his, or sit a little closer, but there hasn't been any response on his part/never initiates it...........I don't know if it's because his culture is to be quite touchy feely with people anyway and he doesn't notice, or it's nothing.......even one night we were coming home drunk together and I sat quite close to him, and slightly leaned against him and I thought that would let him know but he didn't do anything.........

has he just not picked up on it or does he not feel the same way? He's quite a friendly guy anyways, so him spending time with me/laughing and talking is just the way he is anyways.....

I was gutted this morning too, as he didn't come home till quite late (unusual for him) and I think I heard someone in his room What do I do? I'm too afraid to say anything to him in case he doesn't like me and I have to move out.......I'm also scared to say anything cos I don't know if I can do a relationship again, the last one really had me messed up for a year after it

LeixlipRed

Think it's just a natural situation when you live in such close quarters with someone. You just have to be really careful about what you do next. The potential for awkwardness is huge. Even if he does reciprocate it could be tricky, your other housemate might be awkward, etc,. Anyway, if you really like him and you think he feels the same, go for it, life is short!

PK2008

Ask him to translate "Would you like to go on a date?" for you.

Barracudaincork

I would go with the motto, "dont screw the crew" more often than not it doesnt end well and to be honest if he is as affectionate openly to others are you describe, id doubt he would be to shy to let it be known to you he was interested.

From what you have described I would think he thinks of you as a flatmate only, but i could be wrong, that just the impression i get from your post.

You need to decide yourself if you want to take the risk of "drama" in the house if you tell him and he isnt interested. Likewise there may be "drama" from other flatmates if you two do get together.

LegacyUser

see that's the thing - I think, like me after I broke with my ex, I just couldn't read any signals from guys, I always assumed they weren't interested......he has also mentioned more than once that he is quite shy about making a move on a girl. He and the flatmate were discussing one night that he was away on business and this girl had her arms aroudn him in the club and he didn't do anythign about it, even though he liked her.

I don't know if that's the case with me, that he likes me too, or I'm just hoping........I want him to be the one to make the move on me, cos I'm sick of chasing guys, my last relationship it was me that made the move, me that chased and it didn't work out.......I want to know that this guy likes me.

I also don't want to mess up the living arrangements...I don't really like the other flatmate but I would hate not to have this guy as a flatmate and have to move out if things went belly up. It just always seems to be that the guy I like, that is decent and would be a good partner, never seems to like me back. And teh girls he's into and his ex's have all been really beautiful....I guess I'll just wait and see what happens..

has anyone any advice on how to get over the crush so? besides moving out, as I really don't want to

LegacyUser

crush/ed wrote: »

see that's the thing - I think, like me after I broke with my ex, I just couldn't read any signals from guys, I always assumed they weren't interested......he has also mentioned more than once that he is quite shy about making a move on a girl. He and the flatmate were discussing one night that he was away on business and this girl had her arms aroudn him in the club and he didn't do anythign about it, even though he liked her.

Some guys aren't good at that as they fear rejection. Most likely because at some stage in his life a girl was all over and when he went for it she decided she wasn't interested and messed his confidence up.

Also us guys are generally bad at reading signals :P

crush/ed wrote: »

I don't know if that's the case with me, that he likes me too, or I'm just hoping........I want him to be the one to make the move on me, cos I'm sick of chasing guys, my last relationship it was me that made the move, me that chased and it didn't work out.......I want to know that this guy likes me.

I think you'll have to make the move here probably, but keep doing what you're doing at the least.

Oh and one bad experience shouldnt stop you making a move in future.

crush/ed wrote: »

I also don't want to mess up the living arrangements...I don't really like the other flatmate but I would hate not to have this guy as a flatmate and have to move out if things went belly up. It just always seems to be that the guy I like, that is decent and would be a good partner, never seems to like me back. And teh girls he's into and his ex's have all been really beautiful....I guess I'll just wait and see what happens..

I think you're probably selling yourself short there!!

crush/ed wrote: »

has anyone any advice on how to get over the crush so? besides moving out, as I really don't want to

No. You'll only properly get over if you know he's not interested and the only way to know that for sure is to ask him out, simple.

Just go for it, you won't regret it.

Barracudaincork

guy_with_advise wrote: »

Some guys aren't good at that as they fear rejection. Most likely because at some stage in his life a girl was all over and when he went for it she decided she wasn't interested and messed his confidence up.

guy_with_advise wrote: »

I think you'll have to make the move here probably, but keep doing what you're doing at the least.

Oh and one bad experience shouldnt stop you making a move in future.

What is the difference to what you think the guy might have experienced once in his past, to what the OP did experience and you are telling her it shouldnt stop her making a move. It shouldnt stop him either.

OP from what you have described he very well maybe to shy to do something, so you will more than likely have to be the move maker.

Also no matter how beautiful you are or arent, there is nothing more attractive than a confident women, so dont compare yourself to people you dont know and are just basing it on their looks! Be nicer to yourself

As for getting over him, just time and/or another man are your best options there IMO.

LighterGuy

hi op,
what country is this person from?
... i imagine you are irish living over somewhere else?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm Irish, living in Spain.

thanks for the advice guys.

guy-with-advise/barracuidaincork.......it wasn't just one bad experience, my last relationship lasted 5 years and I'm pretty sure if I hadn't chased him, it never would have started...in fact it seemed to be the theme of our relationship, he'd get cold feet and I'd convince him to stay. so I've already pretty much made my mind up that I'm not gonna do that again - if a guy doesn't want me, I'm not chasing any more, and that goes for making the first move - if he's not that pushed to make a move on me, he's probably not that interested right? and I want to know from the start that he really is, that he's not just happy to go along with things...from the past, with other guys, it seems like if u'll make a move, more often than not a guy won't turn u down even if they don't really want sex off u again/later

It wouldn't be worth messing things up in the flat if it was just a case of 'ah sure, I'm single why not' and he didn't really want me...

I know I come off a bit insecure about my looks, I guess I am a bit, and esp. as I know his taste is for very spanish women, gorgeous dark eyes/long curly wild black hair etc etc and I'm wonderin if he finds me attractive at all.

christ men! how can u tell if they're interested?? besides the nightclub scene, which is fairly easy to deal with....what can I do to maybe help him along to make a move without exposing myself too much? or what can I do/watch to find out if he does like me? he's a bit harder to read than other guys I've been with - he does look me in teh eye for a while, seems to enjoy my company, laughs with me etc and seems to enjoy chatting wiht me more than his flatmate, but that could just be to learn english...arghhhH!!!!!