Oh no, 30 and single!

LegacyUser

Hi. I'm a guy who just turned 30 in the last 2 months. I was riding to work on the bus this morning and just pondering my life and that of my friends. And then it hit me. Most of the friends I have, who are all in and around my age are paired off, engaged or married. I'm one of only 3 or 4 who are still single at this age.

Of those couples who are unmarried, most would be in relationships maybe 3 or 4 years old. So here I am, panicking a bit that I may be letting that side of my life slip by. I was in a relationship 2 years ago. But I ended it because she wasn't right for me. Staying with her would have been easy, but I would never have been happy, and that wouldn't have been fair on either her or me.

So am I being melodramatic in thinking 'well if I haven't hooked up with someone by now, it'll probably never happen'? Are girls, sorry, women attracted to men who are still single at 30, or do they figure there's something fundamentally undatable about them? I know I'm probably being ridiculous. But from the group I'm friends with, I'm beginning to think I'm the weirdo singleton who everybody wonders about!

force majeure

Why so hung up, half the population is single at any time. I'm 34 and no closer to family life than when I was 10!!!. :cool: chill and some where along the line it well happan.

gandalf

Christ relax man I nearly made it to 40 before I was "paired off". Enjoy your thirties they were the best days of my life and just when I was settling down to be a batchelor I was swept off my feet by a wonderful woman.

There are plenty of people in the same position as you. Enjoy life, socialise, develop a few hobbies and don't try too hard to get into a relationship. Don't worry you have plenty of time.

COYW

Wouldn't worry about it. There is more to life than getting "paired-off". If you do meet someone, you will probably spend half your time wishing you were single again.

ash23

Lol OP.
i know how you feel but you are seriously stressing over nothing. I was in a relationship from the ages of 19 to almost 26. Nearly 2 years single now and I'm sick of the pressure. I was loving single life until everyone else decided that I'd had long enough and it was time to get back into a relationship.
Even my daughter is at it and keeps reminding me that in less than 3 years I'll be 30.

I was letting it get to me, especially as it seems every one of my friends has gotten engaged in the last year and they're all getting married this year and next year.

But then again, all my friends are older than me. So while part of me thinks "holy crap, I'm nearly 30!" another thinks "woah there, you've at least 12 years before you're 40 and up until then (and even past that), I can still have kids which is something I want and get married.

Loads of time. So for now, I'll keep enjoying my single life, make the most of it etc. I'll be married long enough!

On the flip side, I wouldn't mind meeting someone special. But only someone special. Not just the first guy who happens to wander into my life.

I'm open to the relationship idea, I want one but I'm not desperate enough to settle. In 12 years time, I might be but I'm hoping the right guy will stumble into my path before that happens

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

On the flip side, I wouldn't mind meeting someone special. But only someone special. Not just the first guy who happens to wander into my life.

You see, this is what the rational part of my brain tells me. I was in a relationship that was perfectly safe. But safe is all it was. She was mad about me, but I wasn't mad about her. We got on fine for the most part, but it wasn't particularly exciting for me. I guess you could say there was no spark for me. So rather than just be 'meh' about the whole thing, I figured the best thing to do was to end it before things got to the point where I'd end up really hurting her by breaking up.

I guess I was just a bit freaked out that everybody seems to be all loved-up in my group of friends. In all honesty, it gets to me sometimes, but not all the time. I was just wondering if it was the general consensus that you had to be part of a couple at this age or else you're viewed as un-relationship-able, if you get me. Silly now, in retrospect.

ash23

Panic! wrote: »

I was just wondering if it was the general consensus that you had to be part of a couple at this age or else you're viewed as un-relationship-able, if you get me. Silly now, in retrospect.

Jesus, i really hope not or we're all doomed!!!

I've 6 weddings this year.

Wedding 1 : Groom was married before. They met when he was in his 40s and she was in her late 30s.
Wedding 2 : Groom was married before. They met when he was 32 and she was 28.
Wedding 3 : She has a child from a previous relationship. they met when he was 33 and she was 30.
Wedding 4: They met in school and are now in their early 30s with 4 kids.
Wedding 5: The most "normal" of them all lol. They met 3 years ago, she was 25, he was 27. Textbook.
Wedding 6: Whirlwind romance. They knew each other for years but got together over Christmas, engaged on Valentines day and are getting married in October. Both mid 30s.


There's hope for us all judging by the above! Only one is standard procedure

unhappycamper

I am 29 tomorrow and my friends are getting engaged, married, kids etc... I have the same worries from time to time as the OP.

On the other hand one of my 'happily engaged friends' said to me he would love to have his own business but instead of saving up money for his business he is saving up for a wedding and the over sized mortgage he owes on a nice apartment with his fiance. He will have his own business at some stage I have no doubt, but it will be harder to start a business and pay for his mortgage, wife and soon to be family.

Having a great relationship will also be based on my own happiness. There is no point meeting miss right if I have dreams left to follow, it will only catch up on me and become a strain on the relationship. You should be sure that you are happy in terms of your career and any other dreams you may need to follow.

On the outside one of my friends has a beautiful partner and they 'seem' very happy. He told me recently he is not really enjoying the relationship as much as he used to, so in a sense his relationship is in the danger zone. On the outside he has a 'perfect partner' but inside things are looking bleak. So people break up at 30, of course they do, then they have to grieve over the relationship and start again.

I don't care if I have to wait until I meet someone who makes me a happy camper I just don't care, whatever age. Although relationships are never a waste of time I would rather concentrate on getting my own act together.

Let life take it's course for you OP, your turn will come.

Miss Fluff

Panic! wrote: »

So am I being melodramatic in thinking 'well if I haven't hooked up with someone by now, it'll probably never happen'?

Yes, totally melodramatic. The worst thing you could do is panic-buy and hook up with the next thing in a skirt. You're only young, your 30s are THE best decade. I'm 33, am single, and yes while difficult sometimes, I am single by my own choosing because I refuse to compromise and hook up with the next semi-decent guy who shows an interest! Be open to new experiences, live your life for YOU, and when the time is right it will happen. I'm seeing one of two things with increasing regularity at the moment:

• People in long-term relationships which are both loveless and sexless and from sheer fear of the unknown and their reluctance to grab life by the balls, both parties are staying together (or even worse, getting married!!) in the hope that suddenly everything will be sunshine and lollipops!!

• Couples who are together years. Seemingly very happy and matches made in heaven suddenly falling apart at the seams.

By the same token I know lots of really truly happy couples who are madly in love with one another. And that is exactly what Miss Fluff is holding out for. You should do the same bud. To think that you're on the shelf/life is over because you have not yet met someone is bloody ridiculous. You should be out dating and carrying on and enjoying yourself because you'll be suffering from sleep deprivation and baby poo for long enough!!

[-0-]

I would rather be single and unhappy than in a relationship and unhappy. It's easier to fix your own issues, it's not so easy to fix someone else's.

AJG

• Couples who are together years. Seemingly very happy and matches made in heaven suddenly falling apart at the seams.

This happened to me recently. I'm 30 and still coming to terms with it. All I can say to the OP is you'll meet someone when you meet them. I hooked up with my ex in a spontaneous way and wouldn't have been planning on hooking up with anyone.

Its a daunting prospect to be picking up the pieces and starting from scratch at any age but such is life. You could always be worse off.

LegacyUser

Ok, so I'm getting married very shortly (at the grand old age of 33) but let me tell you that I didn't hear anything but "when are you getting engaged?" for about 3 years before we actually decided to do it. Before that it was "when are you moving in together?", and before I actually met my fiancé, it was "why are you single?". All questions which used to PISS ME OFF. People are so nosy and although I think in the main they mean no harm it is just so bloody annoying. I am fully prepared to be asked once we get married if I have any news and have my tummy tapped at which point I may have to be restrained from violence.

About 18 months ago, I finished up at a 30th party in a local pub and the girl in question's comment was "Oh THANK GOD I got married before I was 30 and on the shelf". At 31 at the time, I just stood there and gaped at her. Didn't reply but in my own head thought, "what weight is your husband these days?", "I'm happy on my shelf with a good job, a boyfriend who loves me and I love, and my own home". I guess what I am trying to say is ignore people who ask you why you're single. Good things come to those who wait and trust me, it is worth waiting a little longer if necessary to meet the right person. I find that it is people in their twenties who view their thirties as the end of life as we know it, but I have to say I have never been happier. Age is nothing but a number. Stop worrying and you'll meet someone when you least expect it. And F*** the begrudgers.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I guess I was being a little over the top. Couldn't see the forest for the trees and what have you. I feel very lucky for the life that I have, believe me. I try not to take anything for granted. Every now and then I guess I freak out, but in those moments, I guess I'll just have to cop on!

Lis21830 wrote: »

... and have my tummy tapped at which point I may have to be restrained from violence.

Yeah, I never understood how people thought this was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. It seems like a massive invasion of personal space. Seems unacceptable.

dellas1979

Yes, you are having a mini (smaller than mini) crisis - sometimes happens when you hit a certain age of what you expected your life to be and what has actually happened.

But, its like a hump, you get over it.

You make 30 sound ancient though - what in the name of God will you do when you turn 40/50/60/70?

Ive said this on here before, you are 30. You will, on average, live to be at least 75/80. That gives you a good 50 years of time. I would think that they are good odds that you will meet someone in 50 years - not just someone that you will settle for.

LegacyUser

Whatever happened to 30 and flirty!!!

Thats all I have to say..

calex71

30 wrote: »

Whatever happened to 30 and flirty!!!

Thats all I have to say..

Ha , well said!!!

I'm open to offers ladies

Seriously though OP I wouldn't get hung up on it, you'll drive yourself demented, I'm 2 months off the 30 mark and I'd be lying if I said similar thoughts hadn't crossed my mind, think of it as a "mid-mid-life crisis"

greenprincess

People will always find a way to reflect badly on your situation! I am 22 and with my boyfriend 3 years. Sure we have our problems from time to time but for the most part things are great.
But I have a lot of the girls a work say that I am throwing away my youth and it really annoys me!! Because I'm not, I go out once, but often three times a week without him. And we're off travelling in the summer.
People will ALWAYS find something wrong wit your situation!!!

[-0-]

I was engaged.. came out of that relationship in 2005 and I haven't been in a relationship since. People are asking me why I'm single. For a couple of years I was depressed after the last relationship ending and I was very anti relationships. Out of my close group of friends only one of us have parents who are not divorced/seperated.

Lately I have been thinking about getting into a relationship but I'm not going to rush it and I will let it happen naturally. I love being my own person, not having to tell people where I'm going or when I'll be home etc etc. There's lots to be said for being single! Enjoy it while you can, because if you get into a relationship too soon then you'll end up ruining it without realising it.

LegacyUser

I've just turned 26 and I'm single, people have been asking me for the last 2 years why am I STILL single, ffs gimme a break!! I'm not 46!!

muppetkiller

I'm male ,single since 2005 too and 33 now. Like everyone said it would be very easy to hook up with someone short term but I'd rather wait till the right one comes along.
Oh and for the record I'm super intelligent and hot
Mind you I had a date on Saturday night with a lady from that plentyoffish website and she was simply amazing !!! I may have found a good one
Best of Luck OP

bubbly123

Thats great news muppetkiller. Were u on that site long? Thinkin of giving it a go..

muppetkiller

I've been on it for 2 years but have had 5 dates...3 disasters and 2 good ones.
To be honest there's not a great selection on it. It's mostly drunk women out on hen nights with interests such as watching big brother , drinking and clubbing lol.
But there are some lovely people on it, it's becoming less a taboo anyway these days so I say give it a go. If you're in Dublin you'll be at a great advantage straight off. But there are lots of people in different parts of the country too.