Why is she doing this?

kildarelad

I got dumped by my girlfriend a year ago this June.Ever since then she keeps coming to the town i live in and going out to the same pub and club i frequent in.She meets a different fella every night and if she sees me and my friends sitting in the corner she will bring the fella near us and start meeting him again.I ignore this and pretend it doesnt bother me but deep down it really does ive often gone home early on nights out and did so again last weekend.I dont get it cos she finished it with me and is travelling nearly 40 miles from where she lives to go out where i live.Im considering not going out anymore on nights out and have no interest in women anymore after this experience havent went out with anybody since.Anybody know what her game is ?

TitoPuente

kildarelad wrote: »

Anybody know what her game is ?

She's an idiot who's so insecure that she'll travel for miles on a Saturday night just to try and make you jealous. Seriously mate, you're better off without her. Go out and enjoy yourself and ignore her. And remember - there are plently of well adjusted women out there so don't give up. Consider yourself lucky you dodged this emotional basketcase's bullet!

Colonel_McCoy

I agree you dodged a bullet, the last time I have seen a girl act like this was an under 16 teenage disco! She is a pity!

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Wow, thats strange behavior. But as the others said, you've dodged a bullet.
I also think that if she's doing this right in front of you that she's trying to make you jealous. So maybe if you want her to get lost for good tell her that you fell nothing for her and to stop playing around.

bronte

What an idiot! If it were me I'd go up to her, congratulate her on her new relationship and just be super pleasant.
She'll get bored when she sees she's not getting any reaction from you.
40 miles? That's kind of pathetic really!
Please don't let it put you off other women, they aren't all like her, I promise!

krudler

kildarelad wrote: »

I got dumped by my girlfriend a year ago this June.Ever since then she keeps coming to the town i live in and going out to the same pub and club i frequent in.She meets a different fella every night and if she sees me and my friends sitting in the corner she will bring the fella near us and start meeting him again.I ignore this and pretend it doesnt bother me but deep down it really does ive often gone home early on nights out and did so again last weekend.I dont get it cos she finished it with me and is travelling nearly 40 miles from where she lives to go out where i live.Im considering not going out anymore on nights out and have no interest in women anymore after this experience havent went out with anybody since.Anybody know what her game is ?

Shes a bitch, plain and simple. Thats crazy behaviour to travel that far to rub it in your face. Is there any other pubs you can start going to?

LegacyUser

kildarelad wrote: »

I got dumped by my girlfriend a year ago this June.Ever since then she keeps coming to the town i live in and going out to the same pub and club i frequent in.She meets a different fella every night and if she sees me and my friends sitting in the corner she will bring the fella near us and start meeting him again.I ignore this and pretend it doesnt bother me but deep down it really does ive often gone home early on nights out and did so again last weekend.I dont get it cos she finished it with me and is travelling nearly 40 miles from where she lives to go out where i live.Im considering not going out anymore on nights out and have no interest in women anymore after this experience havent went out with anybody since.Anybody know what her game is ?

Maybe that is her regular pub/club. I'll assume she doesn't go there on her own and is with all her friends, I don't think they would all go there because of you.
She's single, she can meet different people if she want's. How big are theses clubs, maybe the only seats available happen to be near you.

You are in the same club/pub as her each week, You notice her movements each week, you track what lads she is with. You are the one who has the problem with her that is affecting your life. Are you sure what you posted is not all in your head. And she is getting on living her life and doesn't even notice you around, despite what you think.

Unique User Name

Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here but is there no other pub you could go to with your friends? At least that way you wouldn't have to see the bit**!

krudler

dfgdfgdfgd wrote: »

Maybe that is her regular pub/club. I'll assume she doesn't go there on her own and is with all her friends, I don't think they would all go there because of you.
She's single, she can meet different people if she want's. How big are theses clubs, maybe the only seats available happen to be near you.

You are in the same club/pub as her each week, You notice her movements each week, you track what lads she is with. You are the one who has the problem with her that is affecting your life. Are you sure what you posted is not all in your head. And she is getting on living her life and doesn't even notice you around, despite what you think.

did you even read the op's post? who goes to a nightclub in another town 40 miles away every week? its a bit hard to not "track who she's with" when she's turning up every week with a different guy and sits near him and starts making out with him, thats not "not noticing" thats rubbing it in his face.

sam34

she's doing it because you;re reacting to it (by going home early) and thats whats giving her a kick

shes there thinking "he's not over me yet, he cant bear to see me with someone else" etc

stop doing that

dont let her ruin your night out

if shes at the table next to yours, do what you'd do if those at teh next table were strangers - ie ignore them

she'll soon get tired if shes not getting a response

kildarelad

Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here but is there no other pub you could go to with your friends? At least that way you wouldn't have to see the bit**!

Thanks for the advice the problem i have that i cant go somewhere else is its the place all my friends go out at the weekends and its very hard to get them to go anywhere else

Maybe that is her regular pub/club. I'll assume she doesn't go there on her own and is with all her friends, I don't think they would all go there because of you.
She's single, she can meet different people if she want's. How big are theses clubs, maybe the only seats available happen to be near you.

You are in the same club/pub as her each week, You notice her movements each week, you track what lads she is with. You are the one who has the problem with her that is affecting your life. Are you sure what you posted is not all in your head. And she is getting on living her life and doesn't even notice you around, despite what you think.

She drags one friend along who has told me that she has got on to her before about her behaviour

Unique User Name

Ah I understand it can be tough to get lads to go anywhere other than the local I wouldn't miss a night out because of her. As sam34 said if you ignore her she'll soon get sick of not getting a reaction and move on. Best of luck

LegacyUser

Wow op...reading this is crazy..because word for word the exact same thing is happening to me. Well apart from she travels 30 miles instead of 40 miles and mine was since xmas 08.

At first I thought it was me just being paranoid, that she went to all the places that I went and sat/stood as near to me as possible. After a month or two I mentioned it to a few mates and they told me I was being paranoid. However, over the following 3-4 months all my friends observed this behaviour and agreed that this girl was pretty much stalking me on nights out!! The funniest part in all this (as with your own situation) is that SHE DUMPED ME!! I blank her every night but over xmas 09 i was hammered and walked up to her and had a real go at her. Nothing changed since that until I started seeing a new girl this year. Same happened for 2/3 nites but now has completely stopped and I havent seen her in two whole months. Maybe she's dead? Wishful thinking!! Nah that's terrible..but she really has made my life hell. Hope all works out for you OP as it has for me..finally!

Exclamation Marc

Your situation really sucks and I really feel for you. There are people out there who just feel the need to make other people's lives miserable.

As others said, you have dodged a bullet with someone so callous but that doesn't make it any easier.

If your mates refuse to move pub, the best you can do is try to ignore her if you can. If it's getting to the stage where you're considering not going to the pub, you could do one of two things.

1. Maybe give the pub a miss for a couple of weeks, and ask your mates the next day if she bothered coming over, as my guess would be that if she thinks you don't bother going there anymore, she won't go.

2. And if thats the case/Or even if you don't want to miss a night out, maybe have a word with her. It's a long shot, but if you're only other resort is to not go out, tell her how you don't appreciate her doing what she's doing, everyone knows she's just acting like a cúnt to hurt you, and that you'd prefer if she'd stay away well away from you.

I know its a bit extreme and a long shot, but you're looking for advice, not reassurance that she's a horrible person, so one of those two seem to me to be your only options.

flay

Hey i could have wrote this a year ago, i had a girlfriend who dumped me then wouldnt give me the space i needed to heal, the scary thing is kildare lad if your really from kildare she lived in johnstown!

The only way i could get rid of her was to be really blunt with her which to be honest i regretted as in the end i realized she must have really low self esteem to do what she did week after week, that and coming from a small town leaves not much else to do!

kildarelad

Wow op...reading this is crazy..because word for word the exact same thing is happening to me. Well apart from she travels 30 miles instead of 40 miles and mine was since xmas 08.

At first I thought it was me just being paranoid, that she went to all the places that I went and sat/stood as near to me as possible. After a month or two I mentioned it to a few mates and they told me I was being paranoid. However, over the following 3-4 months all my friends observed this behaviour and agreed that this girl was pretty much stalking me on nights out!! The funniest part in all this (as with your own situation) is that SHE DUMPED ME!! I blank her every night but over xmas 09 i was hammered and walked up to her and had a real go at her. Nothing changed since that until I started seeing a new girl this year. Same happened for 2/3 nites but now has completely stopped and I havent seen her in two whole months. Maybe she's dead? Wishful thinking!! Nah that's terrible..but she really has made my life hell. Hope all works out for you OP as it has for me..finally!

Thanks for the advice hopefully it works out for me in the end cos its really getting me down

kildarelad

Hey i could have wrote this a year ago, i had a girlfriend who dumped me then wouldnt give me the space i needed to heal, the scary thing is kildare lad if your really from kildare she lived in johnstown!

The only way i could get rid of her was to be really blunt with her which to be honest i regretted as in the end i realized she must have really low self esteem to do what she did week after week, that and coming from a small town leaves not much else to do!

Im from KIldare shes from Dublin sounds like shes your exs long lost sister or something lol

LegacyUser

kildarelad wrote: »

Thanks for the advice hopefully it works out for me in the end cos its really getting me down

What ever about her problems.
You have a problem and you need to ask yourself why this is bothering you so much.
Just because an ex is in the same nightclub, you feel the need to leave, not healthy.

Beetlebum

dfgdfgdfgd wrote: »

What ever about her problems.
You have a problem and you need to ask yourself why this is bothering you so much.
Just because an ex is in the same nightclub, you feel the need to leave, not healthy.

Sigh....grow up and stop trying to stir a reaction. There is nothing unhelathy about the OP not wanting to be near his ex while she is shoving other men in his face. What she is doing is beyond unhealthy, travelling for 40 miles just to make the OP jealous is creepy and unhinged in my book!

OP just try your very best to appear happy and unprovoked on nights out if she's there. I know that won't be easy but she'll get bored of thsi little game eventually if you play it right and don't give her a reaction.

If anything I'd feel pity for her. It really is quite pathetic that she's going to these lenghts (literally) and would suggest to me that she's not over you.

LegacyUser

Beetlebum wrote: »

There is nothing unhelathy about the OP not wanting to be near his ex while she is shoving other men in his face.

It's his ex, they broke up nearly a year ago. He said this is getting him down and he can't go out at the weekends. That is extremely unhealthy.

Lots of people travel each weekend to go out, I have a friend who comes 100miles up to Dublin every weekend to hang out with us. OP should be out having fun with his mates and checking out other woman not his ex. Every weekend I go out there would be lots of girls in the pub/clubs that I have been with before. I have the same local (Myos) for nearly 15 years and everyone has been with someone in one of the groups at some stage in their life.

The Recliner

Beetlebum wrote: »

Sigh....grow up and stop trying to stir a reaction.

Careful now

Getting a bit too close to the line where you are attacking the poster not the post

Beetlebum

The Recliner wrote: »

Careful now

Getting a bit too close to the line where you are attacking the poster not the post

Heh....careful now makes me laugh everytime:)

LegacyUser

play her at her own game and have a little sexy dance/snog with a willing female! you mite get a number out of it!

kildarelad

play her at her own game and have a little sexy dance/snog with a willing female! you mite get a number out of it!

Since the break up and all of this **** i seem to have no interest in any girls at all

Tail Wagger

The best response to a woman like that is , no response. From what I can read in between the lines she dumped you, maybe you haven't gotten over her yet? there's nothing wrong with that!, however, she's entitled to go to these places, her money is as good as yours.

Why don't you just turn up with another girl, you don't have to fall in love with someone to bring them out. I'm sure there's some nice girl in your Town that would love to go to the local club with you. Maybe your ex thinks your still burning a torch for her, tbh it sounds like she's right to me. It's up to you to prove her wrong and then you'll be surprised how you'll stop noticing her after a couple of nights..... then she'll just vanish after a couple of night, because she'll see your getting on with your life. for gods sake don't crack up in front of her, or you'll never hear the end of it... What ever you do good luck!

ShagNastii

witvswit wrote: »

play her at her own game and have a little sexy dance/snog with a willing female! you mite get a number out of it!

Don't do this. Don't be as pathetic as her. I think the boards faithful have given you the correct answer, she is a plank and what she is doing is quite sad.

Wagon

kildarelad wrote: »

Since the break up and all of this **** i seem to have no interest in any girls at all

They aren't all like that, your ex is just a dopey jealous bítch. Look on the bright side, you know what to avoid next time. I mean those qualities in your ex when you were going out that would be warning signs to her behavour. Keep that in mind the next time you go down the local. The lads probably miss you anyway.

Loopie

Hi kildarelad,
Just gonna throw in my 2c here... from what I gather from your post, the only time this girl sees you is when you're out having a laugh with your friends. So to her, you've moved or are moving on (whether you feel that is a different matter, but on the outside, you look like you're having a life).

She on the other hand hasn't, and I believe that this is eating her up. Her self-esteem is in the gutter and feels that to keep some kind of control, she needs you to feel as bad as her. This is not your problem, and certainly not up to you to fix.

I completely agree with Beetlbum - she's the one with the problem here. There's nothing anyone can say on this forum that will miraculously make this better for you but you hopefully you'll begin to recognise it for what it is - childish, immature behaviour!

Imagine - if she put half as much effort in getting on with her life as she is in seeing how you're getting on with yours, she'd probably feel a lot better about herself.

I hope the above isn't patronising, it's certainly not meant in that way.
Hope it works out for you!

Loopie

kildarelad

Hi kildarelad,
Just gonna throw in my 2c here... from what I gather from your post, the only time this girl sees you is when you're out having a laugh with your friends. So to her, you've moved or are moving on (whether you feel that is a different matter, but on the outside, you look like you're having a life).

She on the other hand hasn't, and I believe that this is eating her up. Her self-esteem is in the gutter and feels that to keep some kind of control, she needs you to feel as bad as her. This is not your problem, and certainly not up to you to fix.

I completely agree with Beetlbum - she's the one with the problem here. There's nothing anyone can say on this forum that will miraculously make this better for you but you hopefully you'll begin to recognise it for what it is - childish, immature behaviour!

Imagine - if she put half as much effort in getting on with her life as she is in seeing how you're getting on with yours, she'd probably feel a lot better about herself.

I hope the above isn't patronising, it's certainly not meant in that way.
Hope it works out for you!

Loopie

Thanks Loopie that makes alot of sense and is good sound advice thanks again