mixture of things going wrong at same time

LegacyUser

Stuck in a rut, really and truly. Broke up with my ex over a year ago and am over him, but have been so busy being strong over the last year, I think it's getting too much. I've been the strong one for my family but I can't keep it up any longer. I'm worried about my father who is isn't very well, we lost our mother a few years ago to cancer, and he has practically given up on life. He is wallowing in self pity and no matter what we all do to help him he just won't help himself at all and it's starting to get hard to even go home at the weekends. All these years and he isn't helping himself. He is old fashioned and really proud man and I haven't been able to tell him that I gave up my old job to study for a new career, so he just thinks that I am studying part time, but working full time. This means I've had to lie to cousins and neighbours etc. so that he doesn't hear from someone else that I amn't working. It's horrible to have to do this, and after a year, it's coming to a head for me. And I won't be ready to get a job in this area for another 12 months, and I just can't go through another 12 months of this.

Am I better off getting out of the country for the next year and coming back when I'm ready to work full time again? I have brothers and sisters so he would have company, and I could come home every few months? The stress of it all is starting to really affect me, it's unhealthy stress, and I'm retreating into myself more and more for security and safety. I can't even relax. I have trust issues due to the break up as my ex had not been the person I had thought, and I'm over him, but the trust issues linger in a big way. I'm 28 and I need to start worrying about meeting someone new and deciding where I'll settle down, etc but it's just not working out... I don't want to end up alone, and i'm happy for my sister, but she has it all sussed out- and she is younger than me.

What should I do with all of this going on?

LegacyUser

My heart goes out to you op.
This is all so tough sounding. I am one year older than you and although I still have both my parents I have empathise with you on the whole siblings having it sussed out thing.

If you are studying , would going away affect that negatively ? Or would you be able to continue your studies from abroad?

re. Your Dad, It can be so heartbreaking to see someone you love feeling so down. so so so heartbreaking. Maybe be honest with him? Bridge the gap and come clean to him. Tell him that your not really working, and if he gets angry let him. At the end of the day you are in control of your own life.

Dont know if this was helpful, but M H G O T Y.

x

LegacyUser

Thanks for your message Crindle- I will be able to keep up with my study if I do go abroad, that part would be okay, and I'm strongly considering it. I know telling my father would be good for me, or seems like it would, but he is so judgmental and I couldn't handle him over next year- he wouldn't say much but he would be critical and silent over it all and generally worried, etc. etc. that it would still rub off negatively on me if you know what I mean- so either way I look I'm trapped