Libido issues

LegacyUser

I’m worried about sex. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and getting married next year. I am totally in love with him and still think he’s absolutely gorgeous. We're very lucky with our relationship. But I just can’t be bothered with sex a lot of the time which really is bothering me. He’s very generous in bed, and knows what he is doing, but it’s like I always feel too tired to even bother. Then when we do have sex, I feel under so much pressure in my own head to climax and enjoy it that I freak myself out. Sometimes it’s amazing and I love it, but often it’s as if I am dead from the neck down and nothing he does does anything for me. I’m tired and a little stressed, but this is stressing me out even more. He thinks I'm gorgeous but I really don't think I am at the moment. Not happy with my body. I’m not depressed before anyone asks, I’m actually really happy in all other aspects of my life but there are some stressors. But that’s always going to be the case so I need to be able to cope with that and still be sexual. I’m scared that if I don’t sort this out, he’ll get bored and look somewhere else for it. It’s not fair on him at all. I want more than anything to give him everything he needs sexually, and I want it for myself too, but my body and mind aren’t cooperating at the moment. Please help.

MagicSean

Have you seen a GP? Could be a hoemone or vitamin deficiency. If you are taking the pill it could be related to that also. If there's a self confidence issue you have to talk to him about it. Because he probably thinks that the bedroom problems means you find something wrong with him.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Sometimes the more sex you have, the more you want it & sometimes not having sex and not getting horny can be as habitual as sexual release can...so perhaps instead of accepting you just can't be bothered and you aren't going to enjoy it and so crossing sex off the list, throw yourself into it and try to do it as often as possible and see if that helps? Masturbate if you don't already and start finding out what really does it for you, what gets you in the mood, is it romance, porn, massage, etc, etc. Forget orgasm for a minute, that depends as much on what's going on between your ears as what is happening between your legs. Enjoy the intimacy with a man you love and who enjoys your body, take the pressure off and see if it starts to be fun for fun's sake?

Definitely make an appointment with your gp to double check there is no underlying issues and tell your partner what's going on and that you want to work things out because he could certainly see a rejection of sex &/or intimacy as a rejection of him. It might also help to talk to a counsellor and try to get to the bottom of your self esteem issues.

Best of luck!

oldfecker

talk about it, or the relationship WILL suffer, especially if he has a higher sex drive...

Yddil

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hey OP,

Sometimes the more sex you have, the more you want it & sometimes not having sex and not getting horny can be as habitual as sexual release can...so perhaps instead of accepting you just can't be bothered and you aren't going to enjoy it and so crossing sex off the list, throw yourself into it and try to do it as often as possible and see if that helps? Masturbate if you don't already and start finding out what really does it for you, what gets you in the mood, is it romance, porn, massage, etc, etc. Forget orgasm for a minute, that depends as much on what's going on between your ears as what is happening between your legs. Enjoy the intimacy with a man you love and who enjoys your body, take the pressure off and see if it starts to be fun for fun's sake?

I have to agree with the above statement, I went through a phase like this, me & my OH weren't even together as long, and I felt like I just wasn't ever in the mood. It grew really bad & again, I felt like I was letting him down more than anything.
However, I read a magazine article that basically said that sometimes you just have to force yourself to get in the mood. That sounds awful and really unpleasant (as well as being easier said than done), but it did work, after a while I started forgetting about my jiggly bits and felt sexy again!

I hope you get on ok, and try to enjoy it!!!

G-Money

Definitely talk to him and let him know what's going on. I'm assuming you still want to be with him and you haven't gone off him so if you do talk to him, just re-assure him of that. While it might be a bit frustrating for both of you, if he's patient and stuff, I'm sure he will give you as much time as you need.

I think people's libido's can fluctuate, I know mine can. I'm not in a relationship at the moment but even if I was, I know there's times I'm just not that bothered about it.

I guess you could perhaps speak to some sort of professional but if it's just a certain situation in your life that's stressing you at the moment, if you can maybe get that sorted first, perhaps everything else will fall into place?

All the best anyway.

LegacyUser

I am a great believer in talking to my partner about this sort of thing. By talking, you are including him in the issue, and together you are more likely to find a solution and strengthen your relationship.