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Excuses or does he really want to be with me?

  • 03-05-2010 11:57am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Had a brief online romance with a guy,we sleep together after first week of meeting. There were problems with him mentaining an erection. I really liked him and thought we could work past any minor glitches like that, we got on so well and seemed to be very attracted to each other otherwise. Months on, he stays over at my place alot and we seem like a couple apart from kissing or sex. He gets jealous of other male attention I get but when I approach him about the situation between us he says he isnt ready for a relationship, can't deal with a relationship and the latest one is wants to sow wild oats then would like to be with me...(He is in his 30's)I don't know how he can "sow wild oats" if he spends everynight with me in my bed!


Comments

  • #2
    slowmoe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 561 ✭✭✭slowmoe


    Headwreck-AVOID!!!!

    This guy is keeping you at a distance in case something better comes along. He is spending evry night in bed with you but not commiting to a relationship as a get out of jail free card should he do the dirty with someone else. I can't see anything coming from this and would leave him before it gets worse

    good luck


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    It is headwrecking. I really like him but this has gone on for months. He suffers from depression and I used to wish maybe that was why hes acting the way he does


  • #4
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hey OP,

    I think you have the right to know what is going on and to put your foot down and tell him that no relationship = no stay overs. You are really just friends and friends meet up for the odd coffee/chat, not stay over every night. You have the right to an intimate relationship that involves sex and it seems to me that he's being a bit of a dog in the manger - in that he doesn't really want a relationship with you but he doesn't want anyone else to either, which really isn't fair on you.

    I think you have to sit him down and ask what's going on, if he still maintains he doesn't want a relationship - it isn't all just a cover for his anxiety re performance issues - then you have to relegate him to friend status in your head, which means not letting him stay over and drawing a line under it so you can move on and meet someone with whom to have a balanced, fulfulling relationship with.

    Best of luck!


  • #5
    TitoPuente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭TitoPuente


    A lesson I've learned over the years - you're in a relationship and the other person is unwilling to commit without a reasonable explanation - then you walk away as early as possible.


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