Cheating

LegacyUser

I know I'm going to get SLATED for this, but here we go...

I got talking to this guy recently on a night out. We had seen each other before but never talked. We ended up kissing for a bit but I kind of got freaked out and avoided him for the rest of the night, also never gave him my number or anything when he asked. I don't know..something felt weird there.

The next day I was kicking myself for it, even my friend didn't understand why that happened. But since we have some friends in common I decided to ask for his number, but never told the person my real motives. That's when I find out he has a girlfriend! At first I was appaled but then it felt exciting, a challenge...I don't know. So I texted him anyway, and have met with him a few times since.

I haven't told any one about this. We decided to keep it between the two of us. And I know I'm not the one with the relationship, but as exciting as it may feel sometimes, I know what I'm doing is still wrong! I just seem to have very mixed feelings at the momment about the whole situation. Sometimes I think I'm only doing it for the thrill I get, as I am not interested in the guy other than physically...And that's not like me at all. If I told any of my friends they'll probably laugh thinking I'm taking the piss.

Has any one here been on a similar situation before??? I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, as I already know It's wrong and will probably get a lot of grief...
Suppose just had to get my thoughts out..I don't know..

Please don't be too ruthless here, even though I deserve it!

seenitall

Well, if you already know that what you are doing is wrong, and you seem clear enough on your motivations as well (a challenge, a thrill...), I'd say you are well on your way to getting over the whole thing and moving on anyway. Just try to do it ASAP, and use it as a "growth experience".

Or maybe I am being naive??

Anyway, it is his girlfriend I feel the most for (you knew that was coming, didn't you? ). For her sake, I have to say I would hope the two of you will be discovered.

G-Money

End it and go after someone single rather than going after someone who's not available and potentially wrecking their relationship.

LegacyUser

OP,

Unless you know how it feels to have your heart broken by someone cheating on you, then you won't know how awful what you're doing is. I'm not going to preach at you, because at the end of the day, he's even more at fault seeing as he's the one who's seeing two people. But all I know is that having been at the receiving end of infidelity (and it was only a kiss, nothing more, but it still hurts so so much)- I would NEVER do that to another girl. It's just such a horrible feeling that I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to go through it.

Having said that, I know that if you like someone, it's hard to walk away. You just have to weigh up whether your excitement is more important than that other girl's dignity.

seenitall

grandmaster wrote: »

End it and go after someone single rather than going after someone who's not available and potentially wrecking their relationship.

That relationship sounds to me like it is pretty wrecked already.

It's just that the poor girlfriend hasn't a clue about it - yet.

Once a cheater...

Lilly77

I've posted a similar opinion in another thread.. but what is it with people lately in chasing after people who are attached. I get slated by my friends about being black and white on this issue. For me its just an instant no go. But I really do think I'm in the minority on this... people cheat left right and centre and to me its down to the fact women dont stick together anymore, they dont care about hurting another woman by chasing an attached man. I used to think "girl power" was all about women having loyalty but now its more about just going for what you want with no consideration for your fellow females!!

Lilly77

Lilly77 wrote: »

I've posted a similar opinion in another thread.. but what is it with people lately in chasing after people who are attached. I get slated by my friends about being black and white on this issue. For me its just an instant no go. But I really do think I'm in the minority on this... people cheat left right and centre and to me its down to the fact women dont stick together anymore, they dont care about hurting another woman by chasing an attached man. I used to think "girl power" was all about women having loyalty but now its more about just going for what you want with no consideration for your fellow females!!

+1

I'm sick of people going 'oh but she wasn't the one who cheated'. Going after someone who is attached shows some pretty crappy morals. People who do it are NOT nice people. I don't care if that's too black or white for some people. It shows a total lack of consideration and empathy for other women and it's unbelievably selfish, whatever happened to treating others how you would like to be treated? Saying stuff like 'the relationship is ruined anyway' is just an excuse to make these people feel better about what they're doing. That doesn't mean it's OK to be the other party. If the relationship is so bad then the cheater should have the balls to dump his girlfriend. Full stop. There is NO excuse for either cheating or helping someone else cheat. Having had my ex cheat on me for 3 months with some silly little 18 year old Swiss bint who thought the whole thing was 'so exciting', I have even less tolerance for this crap than I did before.

I've been in a position where I liked someone with a girlfriend and he was throwing himself at me. Yes, it was tempting. Yes, it would have been fun. But I felt so, so guilty just for sending a couple of semi-flirty texts, there was no way anything more would have happened. He's still with the girlfriend, they're engaged now and he's still going around playing the 'I'm not happy with the gf' card with gullible women. He cheats on her all the time. So yeah, the relationship was in trouble, but at least I can hold my head high and know that I had no part in destroying the poor girlfriend when she inevitably finds out. I couldn't live with myself.

OP, if you have any shred of human decency, end it now.

BobbyOLeary

grandmaster wrote: »

End it and go after someone single rather than going after someone who's not available and potentially wrecking their relationship.

Is it the OP's responsibility to make sure their relationship works? No. The guy should have told her that he wasn't interested. It's not the OP's fault that he liked her. That being said, if the OP knew the girlfriend then it's a much bigger mess.

I'll use a personal example. My girlfriend has had guys come up to here and try it on with her. Am I annoyed with the guys? Not at all. My GF is hot so it's bound to happen, I know I'd do the same in their position. It happens, it's just that my GF says no and this clearly didn't happen in this situation.

I know I'll get slated for this opinion but calling the single person a homewrecker is a bit off the mark imo.

BobbyOLeary

[quote=[Deleted User];65702202]OP, if you have any shred of human decency, end it now.[/QUOTE]

Ah come on now. Any shred of human decency?? Getting a bit dramatic no? You've been burned badly in the past so obviously your opinion is going to be a bit biased. I've had similar stuff happen to me though admittedly nothing as bad as you described. In all the cases I've blamed my OH and not the other guy. What loyalty does he have to me?

G-Money

BobbyOLeary wrote: »

Is it the OP's responsibility to make sure their relationship works? No. The guy should have told her that he wasn't interested. It's not the OP's fault that he liked her. That being said, if the OP knew the girlfriend then it's a much bigger mess.

I'll use a personal example. My girlfriend has had guys come up to here and try it on with her. Am I annoyed with the guys? Not at all. My GF is hot so it's bound to happen, I know I'd do the same in their position. It happens, it's just that my GF says no and this clearly didn't happen in this situation.

I know I'll get slated for this opinion but calling the single person a homewrecker is a bit off the mark imo.

She found out he had a gf after a while but kept pursuing it. Him and the OP are in the wrong.

Lilly77

BobbyOLeary wrote: »

Ah come on now. Any shred of human decency?? Getting a bit dramatic no? You've been burned badly in the past so obviously your opinion is going to be a bit biased. I've had similar stuff happen to me though admittedly nothing as bad as you described. In all the cases I've blamed my OH and not the other guy. What loyalty does he have to me?

To have a bit of common decency not to set out and hurt another person... is that too much to ask of people these days. Admittedly its the op doesnt know the girlfriend but she knows this is going to end up in someone elses heart being broken. And truth be told the op is going to end up hurt too... so if she doesnt owe it to the guys girlfriend she at least owes it to herself not to put up with this crap. The op is going to end up gettling burnt too no matter how much she may try convince herself its only a bit of fun.

Bottle_of_Smoke

MiMi00 wrote:

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, as I already know It's wrong and will probably get a lot of grief...

I would imagine you're looking to boast about the situation but know that if you do that to people you know they'll all think you're a c*nt.

You should probably have a long think about why this makes you so excited.

I'm not a psychologist but I think you love the idea that the guy is willing to sneak about for you over someone he's committed to. Makes you feel more desirable than the invisible girlfriend.

Desmond Shy Boardroom wrote:

I'm sick of people going 'oh but she wasn't the one who cheated'. Going after someone who is attached shows some pretty crappy morals. People who do it are NOT nice people. I don't care if that's too black or white for some people. It shows a total lack of consideration and empathy for other women and it's unbelievably selfish, whatever happened to treating others how you would like to be treated? Saying stuff like 'the relationship is ruined anyway' is just an excuse to make these people feel better about what they're doing. That doesn't mean it's OK to be the other party. If the relationship is so bad then the cheater should have the balls to dump his girlfriend. Full stop. There is NO excuse for either cheating or helping someone else cheat. Having had my ex cheat on me for 3 months with some silly little 18 year old Swiss bint who thought the whole thing was 'so exciting', I have even less tolerance for this crap than I did before.

You have my sympathy and I can see how this has upset you but the OP hasn't claimed to be a decent human being or have any morals so there's no real point in dragging the the thread on a tangent.

Unfortunately the hard facts are people aren't very moral and generally won't give a f*ck about a partner they've no connection to. Therefore there's no point being angry at "the other woman/man" because they haven't betrayed you, whereas your girl/boyfriend has.

Darlughda

MiMi00 wrote: »

At first I was appaled but then it felt exciting, a challenge...I don't know.

but as exciting as it may feel sometimes, I know what I'm doing is still wrong! I just seem to have very mixed feelings at the momment about the whole situation. Sometimes I think I'm only doing it for the thrill I get, as I am not interested in the guy other than physically...And that's not like me at all.

Well, as you have clearly stated OP "I know what I'm doing is still wrong!", so I don't know why other posters just have to bang on their morality drums.

Sounds to me like your wondering why this feels so good to you in an exciting challenge way, despite your own views on the ethics of the situation.

I think one of the most astounding things about people are hidden aspects of our own sexuality.
Quite often what turns someone on, or lures them in to a situation that they would never think they would find themseselves in, is the complete opposite of what they would adamantly claim is moral, 'good', ethical or 'right'.
Our outside day to day personas can be quite different to what resonates with us sexually.

BobbyOLeary

BobbyOLeary wrote: »

Ah come on now. Any shred of human decency?? Getting a bit dramatic no? You've been burned badly in the past so obviously your opinion is going to be a bit biased. I've had similar stuff happen to me though admittedly nothing as bad as you described. In all the cases I've blamed my OH and not the other guy. What loyalty does he have to me?

Not really. I always had that opinion. It's not about loyalty to a particular person. It's about not hurting others, no matter who they are. Of course the person who actually has the partner is committing the bigger crime, but the other party is far from blameless.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I would imagine you're looking to boast about the situation but know that if you do that to people you know they'll all think you're a c*nt.

+1

They might not say it but they'll think it.

You have my sympathy and I can see how this has upset you but the OP hasn't claimed to be a decent human being or have any morals so there's no real point in dragging the the thread on a tangent.

Unfortunately the hard facts are people aren't very moral and generally won't give a f*ck about a partner they've no connection to. Therefore there's no point being angry at "the other woman/man" because they haven't betrayed you, whereas your girl/boyfriend has.

I know that. It just grinds my gears watching someone post about how 'exciting' it all is when what they're doing is helping to devastate someone else. I think you're right about women loving that it's all sneaky and feeling more desirable, but it's all delusion really. The guy is having his cake and eating it, what's in it for the woman? Are some people really satisfied with someone else's scraps? I always think, if a guy is that into me, he'd leave the girlfriend and ask me out. Otherwise, she's STILL number one in his life, and I'm a bit of fun on the side, and probably not the only one. Whatever about not caring about other peoples' feelings, but that seems pretty pathetic to me, to allow yourself to be someone's bit of fun while they go home every night to their partner. Don't people feel like they deserve better?

Unique User Name

Hi OP. I'm not going to have a go at you. All I will say is something similar was done to me before and it feels pretty sh*t. Just bear in mind the other girls feelings who you're doing this to. People may well say that it's his problem but you do play a big part in this knowing he has a gf. Don't go into this with your eyes closed if you decide to pursue it. Your actions do have consequences.

whatsamsn

I think this is a great example of the "problems" we can face in this life.
Lets not sugarcoat things or give "P.C." answers.

Most people dont care if a guy/girl has a partner. Only a minority of people would see them as off-limits.

Even what this guy is doing in the relationship is down right wrong. Happens all the time sadly. Wanting other girls. It really makes you think how easy is it to trust the average person these days?

Ickle Magoo

MiMi00 wrote: »

...We decided to keep it between the two of us. And I know I'm not the one with the relationship, but as exciting as it may feel sometimes, I know what I'm doing is still wrong! I just seem to have very mixed feelings at the momment about the whole situation. Sometimes I think I'm only doing it for the thrill I get, as I am not interested in the guy other than physically...

You have no obligations to the gf whatsoever, but it's deliberately going behind her back doing something that would hurt her and possibly destroy her relationship that is giving you a kick - and that's not a very nice way to get your kicks, I think you know that.

I'm not sure what you want us to say? By all means keep going sneaking around and being this guys dirty little secret but I think you should know that the chances are he's just using you - he's having his cake and eating it. Most times when a cheater is caught, they drop the lover like a hot potato and the lover is given every label under the sun, so I think you have to be prepared for this to all blow up in your face. Is it really worth it?

Best of luck.

BobbyOLeary

grandmaster wrote: »

She found out he had a gf after a while but kept pursuing it. Him and the OP are in the wrong.

Again I really don't see her as being in the wrong that much. She doesn't have any loyalty to the girl in question.

I don't really want to repeat my point as it's clear we don't agree on a core issue here but I really think it's a bit much to vilify the poor girl over this.

seenitall

[quote=[Deleted User];65702202]+1

I'm sick of people going 'oh but she wasn't the one who cheated'. Going after someone who is attached shows some pretty crappy morals. People who do it are NOT nice people. I don't care if that's too black or white for some people. It shows a total lack of consideration and empathy for other women and it's unbelievably selfish, whatever happened to treating others how you would like to be treated? Saying stuff like 'the relationship is ruined anyway' is just an excuse to make these people feel better about what they're doing. That doesn't mean it's OK to be the other party. If the relationship is so bad then the cheater should have the balls to dump his girlfriend. Full stop. There is NO excuse for either cheating or helping someone else cheat.Having had my ex cheat on me for 3 months with some silly little 18 year old Swiss bint who thought the whole thing was 'so exciting', I have even less tolerance for this crap than I did before.

I've been in a position where I liked someone with a girlfriend and he was throwing himself at me. Yes, it was tempting. Yes, it would have been fun. But I felt so, so guilty just for sending a couple of semi-flirty texts, there was no way anything more would have happened. He's still with the girlfriend, they're engaged now and he's still going around playing the 'I'm not happy with the gf' card with gullible women. He cheats on her all the time. So yeah, the relationship was in trouble, but at least I can hold my head high and know that I had no part in destroying the poor girlfriend when she inevitably finds out. I couldn't live with myself.

OP, if you have any shred of human decency, end it now.[/QUOTE]

Izzy Wizzy, I feel that the bit in bold is aimed at an earlier post of mine, so I am going to point out that saying that the relationship seems to me like it is wrecked already, is to my mind a simple statement of fact. Nothing less and nothing more. Nothing to do with any justification of anything.

If the guy is a cheat, he has already wrecked his relationship, i.e. the basis of it, the trust. Cheats get found out, whether with affair no. 1 or with affair no. 8.

How the third party behaves is immoral and destructive. Abso-feckin-lutely. There is a responsability there to behave decently, and it has been abandoned. But as for any wrecking of relationships, it was done the second that this guy first thought: "Oh, yes, I'll have a bit of that, thank you very much," and went about realising his wish, be it in relation to the OP or some girl before her. He could have thought this in relation to his girlfriend's money, for example. And gone for it, robbed her while she wasn't looking. The implication is exactly the same, the betrayal of his gf's trust that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Would you blame money for wrecking a relationship? (Some people would, I guess, but I'm not one of them.)

I am really sorry about what happened to you, Izzy Wizzy. What a horrible experience. I find it interesting, though, how the Swiss girl is a "silly little bint", while your ex doesn't get honoured with any such flattering labels...

username123

Whatever about the morality of the situation and the fact that the OP is party to someone elses potential hurt - what about the OPs self respect and self esteem?

Do you really think so little of yourself to be happy to be playing second fiddle for this guy?

We decided to keep it between the two of us

- who decided? Im sure it was him who decided that. You tell him youre going public with your 'relationship' with him and you will get an interesting lesson in watching denial and running for the hills.

seenitall

"I have an acquantaince who has been having an affair for the past 8 years with a married man. I have rarely in my life seen such a concerted, dedicated, ruthless effort put into anything, as I have seen her put into destroying a marriage (she has lately succeeded BTW, he finally moved out of home). If she is blameless, I am Mother Theresa. Make no mistake, copping off with an attached person is the same behaviour, just on a smaller scale. But carry on justifying it all you want... moral relativism to my ears"

This is from a post of mine on a RI thread a few days ago. Just so that I make it crystal clear that I am not justifying OH behaviour in any shape or form. But wrecking a relationship (i.e. making trust between two people a hollow and void concept) was done IMO when this guy took up with his first mistress (there have been a few prior to my acquaintance).

Table Top Joe

Its the sole fault of the person doing the cheating imo,ive been with girls before behind their boyfriends back,once was before i knew she had a boyfriend and the other time i did,the oh of the latter threatened to kill me(over the phone for Christ sake)and told me it was all my fault,couldnt see how his precious girlfriend(now his wife and mother of his child)could have done anything wrong(he was stunned when i pointed out i had deleted her number and repeatedly asked her to leave me alone)a lot of people will blame anyone or anything but their partner,ive worked with a lot of women over the years and it never ceases to amaze me how many have either cheated or attempted to



So,to the op,i know very,very well how exciting it is but you could end up being really hurt and/or causing more **** than you can imagine,the girl i was seeing threatened to kill herself and even attempted to do it,it just gets very,very messy,anyone i know whos been through this(as any part of it)wishes they hadnt,best of luck with whatever you decide to do

Asphyxia

Yes I have been in a similar position to this unlike you I had no clue about the other girl, I really think you should stop this before things get really messy and both you and the girl get hurt. If you like this guy you have to sit him down and tell him you know about his girlfriend and then talk to him about coming clean to his girlfriend. I would have done this if I had known and I think the girl would appreciate it if she knew. I know all of this is really hard but I think sneaking around and letting him treat someone like this is alot worse.

goodluck.

Denimgirl

MiMi00 wrote: »

I know I'm going to get SLATED for this, but here we go...

I got talking to this guy recently on a night out. We had seen each other before but never talked. We ended up kissing for a bit but I kind of got freaked out and avoided him for the rest of the night, also never gave him my number or anything when he asked. I don't know..something felt weird there.

The next day I was kicking myself for it, even my friend didn't understand why that happened. But since we have some friends in common I decided to ask for his number, but never told the person my real motives. That's when I find out he has a girlfriend! At first I was appaled but then it felt exciting, a challenge...I don't know. So I texted him anyway, and have met with him a few times since.

I haven't told any one about this. We decided to keep it between the two of us. And I know I'm not the one with the relationship, but as exciting as it may feel sometimes, I know what I'm doing is still wrong! I just seem to have very mixed feelings at the momment about the whole situation. Sometimes I think I'm only doing it for the thrill I get, as I am not interested in the guy other than physically...And that's not like me at all. If I told any of my friends they'll probably laugh thinking I'm taking the piss.

Has any one here been on a similar situation before??? I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this, as I already know It's wrong and will probably get a lot of grief...
Suppose just had to get my thoughts out..I don't know..

Please don't be too ruthless here, even though I deserve it!

Just remember what goes around comes around! you may fall in love with a guy and be mad about him and a girl may do the same to you!! Karma!! Don't be a b*tch! be a nice decent person!

seenitall

seenitall wrote: »

Izzy Wizzy, I feel that the bit in bold is aimed at an earlier post of mine, so I am going to point out that saying that the relationship seems to me like it is wrecked already, is to my mind a simple statement of fact. Nothing less and nothing more. Nothing to do with any justification of anything.

If the guy is a cheat, he has already wrecked his relationship, i.e. the basis of it, the trust. Cheats get found out, whether with affair no. 1 or with affair no. 8.

How the third party behaves is immoral and destructive. Abso-feckin-lutely. There is a responsability there to behave decently, and it has been abandoned. But as for any wrecking of relationships, it was done the second that this guy first thought: "Oh, yes, I'll have a bit of that, thank you very much," and went about realising his wish, be it in relation to the OP or some girl before her. He could have thought this in relation to his girlfriend's money, for example. And gone for it, robbed her while she wasn't looking. The implication is exactly the same, the betrayal of his gf's trust that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Would you blame money for wrecking a relationship? (Some people would, I guess, but I'm not one of them.)

I am really sorry about what happened to you, Izzy Wizzy. What a horrible experience. I find it interesting, though, how the Swiss girl is a "silly little bint", while your ex doesn't get honoured with any such flattering labels...

Eh, wasn't aimed at you at all. Sorry. I was just saying that loads of people are of that opinion, and in my mind, it doesn't excuse helping someone to cheat. And I think 'it was already over' is a weak, weak excuse. If it was already over, then the bloke should have dumped the girlfriend. At the end of the day, if nobody was willing to be the other person, then nobody would have to go through finding out they'd been cheated on. The guy I know who keeps cheating on his gf, it's more through opportunity than anything else. I think he does love the gf, he just keeps cheating because he can, because it's so easy.

As for my ex, I've called him every name under the sun. Doesn't change the fact the girl WAS a silly little immature bimbo, and it's pretty snide of you to imply that I'm blaming her over him. Obviously he was the one with the responsibility towards me. But she's still a nasty, selfish human being. I'm focusing on that because that's what we're talking about her, the other woman.

seenitall

"Snide" is not my gig, Izzy Wizzy. I tell it like I see it, as any other of my posts on these threads attest. No need to call my remark on your train of thoughts snide.

I am not implying anything, there is no need to. It is all there in your own posts.

LegacyUser

I think you should stop seeing this guy as it will only end up hurting you and his girlfriend.

How would you feel if you were in her position? Of course she doesn't know but if she does find out, imagine the pain she will feel.

If I was in your shoes, I would stop it and maybe even consider telling his girlfriend. Best she finds out now then further down the road! You may get a thrill from it but try and get a thrill from someone who isn't taken and suppose to be committed to someone else.

I hope you choose the right thing to do!

Good Luck!

Zaph

Desmond Shy Boardroom and seenitall, knock it off the pair of you. If you want to have a go at one another then take it to PM, otherwise I'll be forced to start handing out infractions.

seenitall

Gosh that is twice in one day I have been modd'ed Feeling like a scolded schoolgirl somewhat.

Thank you, Zaph. I'll try and take it easier altogether, maybe some supplements will help!

seenitall

seenitall wrote: »

"Snide" is not my gig, Izzy Wizzy. I tell it like I see it, as any other of my posts on these threads attest. No need to call my remark on your train of thoughts snide.

I am not implying anything, there is no need to. It is all there in your own posts.

Well, as I said, I'm focusing on the other party and the consequences of their actions because this is what the thread is about. Discovering texts/e-mails from that girl made me realise that it was all just a bit of fun to her and that she had no idea of the hurt and trouble she had helped to cause. Just total naiveté and self absorption, really. Whether the OP or the boyfriend is more to blame is irrelevant as he's not here asking for advice, as is how I feel about the person who cheated on me. As I see it, the OP basically needs to consider how her actions are going to affect other people. It would be naive to think it's all a bit of harmless fun, as these things usually come out sooner or later.

OP - Moving away from the girlfriend and how she'd feel if she found out (assuming this isn't an issue for you at all), other things to consider are, what if you fell in love with him? Would you be happy seeing him for an hour here and there when he can get away from his girlfriend? What if you got pregnant? Would you be happy to basically be second best in the guy's life? Would you be prepared to gain a very bad reputation if people found out? Being stuck with a 'homewrecker' label for a very long time? Guys staying away from you and girls thinking you're a b*tch who can't be trusted and not wanting you near their boyfriends? Are you prepared for any consequences arising from the girlfriend finding out? I've known people to basically try to ruin the other woman's life, and partly succeed.

OP I think your mindset at the moment is quite immature/naive, all 'ah it's a bit of fun'. Meddling in other peoples' relationships is usually anything but and the more serious the relationship, the messier it is. I would advise REALLY thinking it through and asking yourself if you can deal with the potential consequences.

Zaph

[quote=[Deleted User];65711145]Well, as I said, I'm focusing on the other party and the consequences of their actions because this is what the thread is about. Discovering texts/e-mails from that girl made me realise that it was all just a bit of fun to her and that she had no idea of the hurt and trouble she had helped to cause. Just total naiveté and self absorption, really. Whether the OP or the boyfriend is more to blame is irrelevant as he's not here asking for advice, as is how I feel about the person who cheated on me. As I see it, the OP basically needs to consider how her actions are going to affect other people. It would be naive to think it's all a bit of harmless fun, as these things usually come out sooner or later.

OP - Moving away from the girlfriend and how she'd feel if she found out (assuming this isn't an issue for you at all), other things to consider are, what if you fell in love with him? Would you be happy seeing him for an hour here and there when he can get away from his girlfriend? What if you got pregnant? Would you be happy to basically be second best in the guy's life? Would you be prepared to gain a very bad reputation if people found out? Being stuck with a 'homewrecker' label for a very long time? Guys staying away from you and girls thinking you're a b*tch who can't be trusted and not wanting you near their boyfriends? Are you prepared for any consequences arising from the girlfriend finding out? I've known people to basically try to ruin the other woman's life, and partly succeed.

OP I think your mindset at the moment is quite immature/naive, all 'ah it's a bit of fun'. Meddling in other peoples' relationships is usually anything but and the more serious the relationship, the messier it is. I would advise REALLY thinking it through and asking yourself if you can deal with the potential consequences.[/QUOTE]

I thought my post above was pretty clear, but obviously not. Drop it or take it to PM, I don't really care which but cut it out on this thread.

.

LegacyUser

When the OP says she liked the challenge of going after a guy who already had a boyfriend, I have to say, I did laugh a little. I really don't mean to be cruel, but going after somebody who isn't single is hardly a challenge.

I'd say if you actually sat down and thought about it OP, there's nothing thrilling or exciting about it really. You may have your bit of physical fun or whatever, but I'd imagine he's feeling pretty smug about himself, having you hanging on the side, whilst his girlfriend is, presumably hanging on also, completely unaware. If it were me, firstly I'd feel horribly guilty about his girlfriend, and then secondly, I'd just feel like I had no dignity or pride in myself either. Who wants to be someone's dirty little secret bit on the side? You're basically only good for a sh*g and that's it really. Nah, doesn't sound very appealing to me.

ilovetosing

I think the OP likes the idea that even tho he has what could seem to be a really good gf who is sooo great that the fact she is carrying on with him is a big confidence boost for her and if I am to be Bold then I would say she has low self esteem! I simply dont agree with it OP. Izzy made some very good points however I do think some comments were ott due to emotions taking over from her past and at the end of the day she is a girl who knows exactly how this GF is going to feel when she eventually finds out.

THE GF is the only honest person in all of this! Pity because nobody deserves to be treated like that. Initially it was the BF's fault but upon finding out about his GF and continuing things well then they are both at fault for the whole situation!

ash23

Why does anyone even think being the bit on the side is worth it? It shows such a total lack of respect for yourself.
You're ok to be with a guy who basically wants to screw you but go home to someone else?

I've been pursued by guys with girlfriends and the thoughts of having sex with someone who will then go home, shower off and climb into bed with his unwitting partner makes me feel sick.
Probably because I've been that unwitting partner and had my b@stard ex spend the night with some stupid tart and then come home to me and act like we were one big happy family. Shudder.

I don't know. I just can't see the attraction. But I guess some people are into eating sh1t, some are into violence....... and some are into men/women with partners....

Wouldn't be my cup of tea at all.
Some dirty b@stard climbing out of my bed in the middle of the night to head home to a girl who thinks all is well with the world and who, if she finds out, might at best slag me off to the whole town and at worst, come after me with a machete.

I like to live dangerously but I prefer to get my kicks elsewhere.

OP, try skydiving or something.

LegacyUser

I've never quite understood why girls are willing to be 'the bit on the side'. As a lad I can tell you that for men 'the bit on the side' is basically just a tart to get your jollies off. Not someone you'd respect or ever plan a future with. Why would girls degrade themselves so much? Mind boggling.

LegacyUser

dkgh wrote: »

I've never quite understood why girls are willing to be 'the bit on the side'. As a lad I can tell you that for men 'the bit on the side' is basically just a tart to get your jollies off. Not someone you'd respect or ever plan a future with. Why would girls degrade themselves so much? Mind boggling.

thats utter rubbish, men don't care, if the girl is good fun to be with, attractive and fits in with their type of person then bit on the side doesnt matter a jot, theyll leave there current girl and go with the new one.

And why shouldn't they. If your not happy with what you have at home and it isn't improving or changing then you do what you have to for yourself.

You'll obviously disagree, but its fact, I've seen it hundreds of times, and no, I've never done it myself.