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LegacyUser

Recently I've lost my tolerance with friends.
I've known that my friends weren't sincere people for a long time and tolerated it as if it were normal or acceptable to be selfish or greedy but actually there's no point in being friends with people who do not respect you. The last thing anyone wants is respect that has to be earned by regularly confronting your friends, so you tolerate their personality problems and try and let them know you're aware that they're ****ing you. And hope they'll see sense and grow up.

My real problem now is that friends are looking me in the eye and still walking all over me. Not only that but they really believe in this bull**** dog eat dog philosophy thats really completely unesassary imo.

So here I am with a friend conciously trying to bully me socially so that I look like his subservant as if this will raise his status or something....god knows

So now because I didn't stand up for myself for like 5 years with my friend, I'm gonna have to lose him completely. Is that how **** relationships are, that you have to train people how to treat you?

I raise this point because I've stopped talking to a lot of people for this reason, they basically end up trying to undermine my confidence.

In fact I'm at a stage now, that maybe not too far into the future, I'll have nobody to talk to and I'm a little bit afraid of that unknown situation. Still I'd prefer that than hanging around with someone who undermines my self confidence every 5 minutes.

It's kind of a **** situation to be in though. Maybe it's just a natural progression in your twenties though.

Angus Og

Yes, it's completely natural. I think many people end up that way once they get older. It's much easier to tolerate that behaviour when you're young, but when you get older, and you start to see that life is short, there's just no point in putting up with it.

Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend, more like a user. We've all been there. Best thing to do is get on with your own life, and try to be happy. You will find new friends. I know I did when I was in your position.

amybabes

Could have written the start of this post myself.

I have recently found myself feeling exactly the same. I am living in Australia almost a year now. Around Christmas time one of my best friends from home lost her job and was emailing me that she was thinking of coming over. I, of course, was delighted at the thought of having one of my lifelong friends here.

Her behaviour since she arrived has left me in an awful state, there has been a number of disputes where she has been rude to my other friends, i've had to ask her to pay me back on several occasions for loans, asked her to replace things from the fridge that she used belonging to me and our other housemate, clean up after herself....... perfectly reasonable things to ask, asked nicely after putting up with it not being done for weeks.......resulted in a huge drama where she moved out already owing 2 weeks rent and not giving a second's notice (despit being told several times that we would need about 2 weeks notice if she was moving out so that i could find someone to move in and not be out of pocket paying her rent ontop of my own)
So I'm owed already the equivalent of about 300 euros, and am now paying double rent when we are searching for someone else. I am being treated like a villian while she has bitched about me to everyone who'll listen...including everyone at home.

I text her the day after she got in a huff and moved out to ask to meet up to sort everything out, we are friends with 12 years and i didn't want there to be lasting damage even if she has behaved dreadfully to me and others i care about since she arrived. Have been blown off and 3 occasions. Have begun to accept i won't get the money back.....this is what gets to me, she stayed a week for free, i fed her, drove her around, helped her settle in...... it's all been thrown back in myself and my flatmate's face, i am embarrassed that someone else agreed to do my friend a favour and this is how we were treated.

I feel exactly the same as you OP, since i moved away, i don't have many friends still bothering to keep in touch after the year, she was probably the closest friend i had.....people change/have different priorities....i know i have, my money goes on bills and rent and responsibilities now and i work 6 days a week as opposed to when i used to be out all the time, have no responsibilities all through my late teens and early 20s......
its still no excuse for being treated badly and ultimately,as you said, being bullied.

It's good to know i'm not the only one feeling like this........ i'm torn between hurt, anger, disappointment, sadness at the way things have turned out etc.

LegacyUser

Don't lose heart, if this guy is treating you so badly then he isn't worth having around. I am in my early thirties and I can honestly say that I have only made real friends in the last 2 to 3 years. The "friends" I had in college undermined my confidence so much that it still affects me today. I used to blame myself thinking that if I was the right kind of person they would want me around which is ridiculous but there you go. The point I am trying to make is that the damage to your self esteem is not worth putting up with somebody who obviously doesn't deserve your friendship. It takes time to meet and build friendship with people but don't let that frustrate you, just give time time! And in the meantime you are a better judge of character now and have much higher standards so you will, in time have the right kind of people in your life

unclecessna

As another poster here already said - as you get older you have less time for ''waster'' friends.

I had a friend from school who I kept in touch with for years afterwards, truth is that we never actually had all that much in common really but we lived close to each other so it was convenient. He would copy everything that I was doing - say I joined the FCA, he would join later and then tell others that it was his idea in the first place and that I had copied him...now I'm sure that I just sounded childish saying that but it literally happened with everything I did so it got very annoying but by taking the ''be the bigger man'' route I would end up letting it go in the end.

He never bothered to get a job and lived off his parents and had no concept of work responsibillities and would throw a tantrum if you didn't want to go on a night out because you had to study or work the next day.

He would always moan-on about his current girl problems etc for weeks on end untill they passed but if the shoe was on the other foot he would up and leave after five minutes as he was bored.

On occasion he would meet new more like-minded friends who in some cases were real weirdos and he would always take their word over mine every time even though he had known me for years and these new people only for a few weeks.

The list could go on - basically the guy was very,very flaky and every so often I would just get pissed off with his antics and call him on them. He would then go off in a sulk but a few months later he would appologise grudgingy because the truth is I was about his only genuine friend.

Anyway I am in my mid to late 20's now and I just don't feel the need to always be the ''bigger man'' about things so recently when this guy got a new girlfriend (which always leads to a major bout of narcissism and an arrogant attitude with him) I just dropped him completely and have no intention whatsoever to see him again. If I see him in the pub or on the street I will be polite but that's about it. Life is too short and I have given too much of mine to undeserving people in some cases so why bother when I only get hassle in return.

As the saying goes - ''choose your friends carefully''