Unapproachable?? Does anyone go on dates?

Lilly77

I am in my early 30's and reasonable looking, not ugly but not drop dead gorgeous either. My problem is I never ever get chatted up or approached on nites out. I probably do come across a bit shy, I dont know what it is when I'm out, its like I lose a chip in my brain and just cant talk to men. I work with a large group of men and have no problem flirting and having the craic with them. A couple of them have commented that they cant understand that I'm single - so what the hell is it? All my friends are all very pretty and they dont really get asked out on dates either.... Does anyone actually go on dates anymore!!

porschespeedst

Well, speaking as a male, my species will chat up any vaguely attractive female in a late bar or nightclub. I consider myself relatively shy, and even I will do this after a few jars. So I just wonder if your shyness is projecting itself as being disinterested or standoffish?

I assume you have been chatted up on occasion, so when you were, how did you react? If you liked the guy chatting you up, but still reacted standoffish or dis-interested, that is generally a signal to the male not to bother and to seek another target.

Lilly77

I genuinely cannot remember the last time I was even approached to be honest! I probably would half laugh it off anyways as I'd assume it was my friend they realy wanted to talk to. But aside from that anyways, does anyone actually go on dates anymore??

Ginja Ninja

I'd look more about the guy that said he can't believe you're single, maybe it's just me,but I've never said that to a woman I'd only want as a friend.

It could be somewhat the opposite,you think you come across as shy,but you're a conifdent person,maybe you come acroos as such.Irish guys aren't the bravest people,even when drunk.Maybe you intimidate them,if you're friends think it's a wonder you're single maybe people assume you're not?

G-Money

OP, why don't you approach some guys then?

There's no law that says men have to do the approaching, even though in general, that's usually what happens. I was out last night and I didn't approach any girls at all. When a guy approaches, a lot of the time he has to brace himself for any possible reaction from the girl. From being told to f*** off if he even says hello, to being made a fool of.

If a girl approaches a guy, I'd say 99.999999% of the time, even if he's not interested, he's not going to make her feel like crap about it. He'll be polite, and friendly and even if nothing happens, he won't do or say anything to make you feel like an idiot.

Guys simply don't get the same curteousy anywhere near as often. You should take advantage of it.

I know myself if I see a girl I fancy, any number of thoughts can go through my head. Stuff like "Oh she's good looking, there's no way she's single" or "There's no way she'd be interested". While some of this is negative thinking on my part and due to a lack of self esteem, some of it is born out of reality and past experiences.

So I say, next time, grab the bull by the horns and if you see a guy, make a move towards him. Even if he's not interested, you can almost guarantee he'll be friendly and stuff. Like I say, guys often don't get the same treatment in return so you might as well use it to your advantage.

Good luck.

Lilly77

grandmaster wrote: »

OP, why don't you approach some guys then?

There's no law that says men have to do the approaching, even though in general, that's usually what happens. I was out last night and I didn't approach any girls at all. When a guy approaches, a lot of the time he has to brace himself for any possible reaction from the girl. From being told to f*** off if he even says hello, to being made a fool of.

If a girl approaches a guy, I'd say 99.999999% of the time, even if he's not interested, he's not going to make her feel like crap about it. He'll be polite, and friendly and even if nothing happens, he won't do or say anything to make you feel like an idiot.

Guys simply don't get the same curteousy anywhere near as often. You should take advantage of it.

I know myself if I see a girl I fancy, any number of thoughts can go through my head. Stuff like "Oh she's good looking, there's no way she's single" or "There's no way she'd be interested". While some of this is negative thinking on my part and due to a lack of self esteem, some of it is born out of reality and past experiences.

So I say, next time, grab the bull by the horns and if you see a guy, make a move towards him. Even if he's not interested, you can almost guarantee he'll be friendly and stuff. Like I say, guys often don't get the same treatment in return so you might as well use it to your advantage.

Good luck.

You're right actually, girls can be very harsh to lads when they try to chat them up. I'd probably never leave the house again if I got some of the response I've seen dished out to these lads!!

Lilly77

Ginja Ninja wrote: »

I'd look more about the guy that said he can't believe you're single, maybe it's just me,but I've never said that to a woman I'd only want as a friend.

It could be somewhat the opposite,you think you come across as shy,but you're a conifdent persn,maybe you come acroos as such.Irish guys aren't the bravest people,even when drunk.Maybe you intimidate them,if you're friends think it's a wonder you're single maybe people assume you're not?

I dont think men are put off if they think a girl is already attached... they see it as more of a challenge!!

Hank_Jones

I think that if you are going out, you should go out with just a few female friends.
This way it is easier for men to approach you as they won't be particularly daunted by a small group of women.
Personally, I have no problem with approaching and talking to a woman somewhere,
but I usually like that place to be somewhat quiet,
so that we can talk about something and I'm not shouting over some crappy music blaring out of speakers.

kjl

The problem lilly is that although you are probably a very nice girl, most Irish girls can be awful incredibly rude when you approach them. I am a tall good looking guy, I don't drink and am always polite when I approach girls. If I'm not being molested by girls I am being told in some loud and ignorant way to f off.

You sound like a nice girl, but you have to give some indications that you are interested in someone, otherwise guys are not going to make the effort, and you can thank you fellow sisters for that. Why don't you start the conversation with people you are interested in. You have all the power in this situation, I believe its called pussy power

I know you are a bit shy, but trust me if you go out and talk to guys, you will get a lot more dates, don't expect the guy to come up to you all the time.

kjl

Lilly77 wrote: »

I dont think men are put off if they think a girl is already attached... they see it as more of a challenge!!

Wrong, most guys back off.

G-Money

kjl wrote: »

Wrong, most guys back off.

Agreed. When I find out a girl has a bf or something, it's like she becomes a man in my eyes, I instantly lose interest.

seenitall

kjl wrote: »

The problem lilly is that although you are probably a very nice girl, most Irish girls can be awful incredibly rude when you approach them. I am a tall good looking guy, I don't drink and am always polite when I approach girls. If I'm not being molested by girls I am beingtold in some loud and ignorant way to f off.
You sound like a nice girl, but you have to give some indications that you are interested in someone, otherwise guys are not going to make the effort, and you can thank you fellow sisters for that. Why don't you start the conversation with people you are interested in. You have all the power in this situation, I believe its called pussy power

I know you are a bit shy, but trust me if you go out and talk to guys, you will get a lot more dates, don't expect the guy to come up to you all the time.

I hope I am not going to come across as disrespectful to a molestation survivor, but out of curiosity could you please elaborate on this? Cos all I can picture in my head now is a tall good-looking guy being surrounded and fondled inappropriately by a gaggle of girls. I have to admit, the image seems a bit... incogruous. Sorry if I shouldn't be bringing this up!

Soul Stretcher

The Irish (of which I'm one) seem to me to be clueless about how to interact with the opposite sex when they are single.

I really think all us singletons should be given a provisional Dating License, be sent to a Dating School and have to pass a Dating Test before we're let out on our own.

A conversation I had with a college friend about 10 years ago (who went on to win the Rose of Tralee - so yes she's a cutie) about HER experience. She spent most of the first 15 years of her life in a Mediterranean country and moved to Ireland as a teenager. She said as a 15 yr old she (and her friends) went on several dates with teenage boys - meaning dinner and chat - almost on a weekly basis - so much so that a date was no "biggie" - just a chance to chat and get to know someone. There was no pressure on the Date to lead on to "something" more.

She comes to Ireland. The Dating stops. Alcohol starts. The only time most men show her any interest in a romantic/sexual way is when they are off their heads drunk. She is actually a lovely person and I never saw her be hurtful or rude to anyone but of course she never found a Prince Charming at 02:30hrs in an Irish Niteclub.

She did go out with a nice quiet Irish guy who wasn't a big drinker. He was a lot more sensible that most lads his age at the time who drank in part to cover up their insecurity/nervousness around women (like me!). I don't actually know how they got together - who asked who out.

Point is: In many European cultures and in America, there is a well established ritual of the Date.

In Ireland, it seems that drunken one-night-stands are the goal. It seems we don't have the balls or character to sit down across from an attractive stranger in the cold light of day and just, you know, chat without piling pressure on ourselves to give each other multiple orgasms in 3 hours time.

Oh... sorry if I'm rambling... I just think we're blindfolded or uneducated or unmannerly when it comes to the whole courtship thing.

Table Top Joe

Have to agree with a lot of the above comments,theres a lot blame to go around! as a guy i can honestly say Irish women are the hardest women ive known to try and talk to,in Australia a woman would think nothing of approaching a guy,and when i did approach girls in Oz there were always nice and friendly,even if they werent interested they were never rude

I worked with loads of girls at one point and they would always say(well some of them!),"how are you single?..."your a good looking guy,girls would be delighted if you asked them out" and all that.....


Anyway,a work night out came up and off we went,i was with about 5 girls,over the course of the night they were all approached at least once,only one of them treated the guys with class,the others made me cringe,they treated the poor bastards like s*** on their shoes,the exact same ones who told me i should have more confidence with women!!


I know,i know,a lot of guys out there are drunken dopes,but please take it as a compliment if a guy tries to talk to you,it aint bloody easy!

kjl

seenitall wrote: »

I hope I am not going to come across as disrespectful to a molestation survivor, but out of curiosity could you please elaborate on this? Cos all I can picture in my head now is a tall good-looking guy being surrounded and fondled inappropriately by a gaggle of girls. I have to admit, the image seems a bit... incongruous. Sorry if I shouldn't be bringing this up!

lol, Sorry I meant I will walk out on the dance floor or around the bar and my bum will be pinched. It happens about 1 in 2 times I go out.