How Do You Let Go Of The Past?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
My girlfriend dumped me in October, yet I didn't cut contact until February, when we had a big fight. I found out she had cheated on me while we were going out together. Throughout the relationship, I felt as if I couldn't trust her, turns out I was right, and to be honest, it was a bad relationship.
I feel hurt, and angry at what we both said to each other while fighting (we haven't spoken since). I also feel hurt that she dumped me. She seems to so non-chalantly moved on, yet I was badly hurt.


How do I let go of the past and stop feeling sorry for myself?

kjl

Well there is no easy answer, truth be told time is the only answer.

But for now here are a few things you can do. Draw a line under that relationship. Thats it, no getting back, no contact, no nothing. You need closure.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Get out and start living and rediscover all the things that made you happy before she was on the scene. If you mope around and think about her, dissecting the whys and wherefores then you will stop yourself moving on. Draw a line under it, acknowledge it's good the relationship is over. Write down everything she did or said that made you feel sad or upset and every time you feel you are missing the relationship, have a read and consider yourself well rid.

Throw yourself back into friendships, hobbies, studies, whatever gets you out appreciating life, meeting new people and not thinking of your ex.

Best of luck.

rediguana25

I know it sucks but you really do need to cut off contact and start afresh. I know it's hard but what might help is starting by thinking of all the good stuff you have going on in your life..even if you don't think you have much to be happy with start with even the little things..things you're happy about yourself...start to focus your energy back on yourself and everything you like about yourself..even if you don't like admitting it..or feel silly doing it..so what- no one else will know..it's just for you...be appreciative of all these things and you'll start to feel a more positive..that and a bit of time and you'll end up finding yourself remembering that you didnt' even think of your ex at all that day...it will happen so try to keep positive:)

LegacyUser

HowToLetGo wrote: »

Hi guys,
My girlfriend dumped me in October, yet I didn't cut contact until February, when we had a big fight. I found out she had cheated on me while we were going out together. Throughout the relationship, I felt as if I couldn't trust her, turns out I was right, and to be honest, it was a bad relationship.
I feel hurt, and angry at what we both said to each other while fighting (we haven't spoken since). I also feel hurt that she dumped me. She seems to so non-chalantly moved on, yet I was badly hurt.


How do I let go of the past and stop feeling sorry for myself?

I know how you feel OP. Break-ups stink. I'm at that hurt and angry stage too and bewildered why I can't get past it. My ex was the one who decided to break us up so that dynamic has a lot to do with it.
I read lots of threads on here about break ups and so many of them say basically just suck it up and move on.
I'm not one who has drifted in and out of relationships easily.
For me, I'm having trouble with the notion that having given love and friendship and intimacy to another person, after a break-up, those strong and genuine feelings have to be ignored and overcome. Even though I have no physical contact with my ex any more, I have difficulty switching off from the feelings that were there when we were together.
And getting in to another relationship hardly seems attractive if inevitably a similar outcome will follow, if not this year, then next, or the year after. Why do we give
ourselves heart and soul to others, if only to take it away again? Should all such declarations come with small print terms and conditions?

Coping with a break-up gets a bit easier gradually over time and it helps to read fresh advice every now and then when I need a top-up.
Good luck to you, OP. Stay healthy. I hope your pain fades before too much longer and you move on to pastures new.

Kanoe

by embracing the future (and old cliche but a valid one nonetheless.)

ShagNastii

Yep I was and maybe still am in a situation like yours. Bit by bit, piece by piece you will get back to your old self. When people say get out and put time into yourself it sound so hard, but it really isn't. The only decent advice I could give is don't allow yourself clinge to the past (hint: it is the past) I feel in the last two weeks I've moved on substantally. I only gutted now knowing I didn't wasted time being with the person, I wasted time- spending all my time after the break up trying to be sorry for myself. And asking myself a million what ifs? whys? and how could shes?

If needs be, call a friend. Get all the stuff off your chest. Friends are there to listen.Then start a fresh.

As for growing trust? Your heart is broken allow it time to mend. Go with the flow. I myself am at the stage where my faith in a relationship of any kind just isn't there. I'm content that I can take a time out, not worry and as much as I hate to here the truth, deep down I know---"It'll be grand"

It sounds w*nky but put a spin on any positive thoughts. Don't miss them, give a grin and look back with a smile. These positives will give you a bit of ease. Looking back at the negative thoughts will only make you bitter, pissed off and cynical. Nobody wants to be or wants to be with a POed off, cynical bitter being.

AnonoBoy

Slowly.


It takes time. I've been there and almost drowned myself in anger at what a woman did to me. Now, I barely even think about her, she's a blip in my history, nothing more.

It takes time - surround yourself with friends, enjoy being single and try and make positive steps in your life. You'll come around.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

OP here. I just found out that my ex is in another relationship. First of all, I felt shock, and nausea, and now I just feel angry. I really and truly want to let her go. But my emotions are just tearing me to shreds.

I'm sorry if this seems dramatic or whatnot, but this has hit me like a truck. I suppose I just need to concentrate on my own life. Just an update I guess.

bellylint

Hi OP,
The timing of your events pretty much is the same as mine (thankfully though, I don't have the added sting of the cheating aspect, I am very sorry to hear that you had that happen to you). For me I have tried to realise that there is still my life to live. I am still gonna think about my ex but if I choose to do it wallowing, it will be me that has made that choice. Whenever I find myself doing so, I make a conscious effort to stop. I have tried to re-establish friendship with friends that I had neglected over the whiles, and I tried to get involved in more activities. This lead me to meeting some wonderful people and being able to dance salsa very very badly amongst other things. Overall, keeping busy with friends and activities has really taken the edge of the pain for me, and I am pretty happy these days. Know that you will more than likely still feel pain in the times to come, but having a rich/rewarding life past that will give you plenty of distraction until eventually they drown out the pain.

anyway good luck with it all and I hope things get better for you

Ickle Magoo

HowToLetGo wrote: »

Hi guys,

OP here. I just found out that my ex is in another relationship. First of all, I felt shock, and nausea, and now I just feel angry. I really and truly want to let her go. But my emotions are just tearing me to shreds.

I'm sorry if this seems dramatic or whatnot, but this has hit me like a truck. I suppose I just need to concentrate on my own life. Just an update I guess.

I know you are hurting now but you really are well rid. You deserve to have someone who is faithful and considerate and you ex is neither.

Take care of you.