Sensitivity

Handsome Bob

Hello my fellow gents.

To cut to the chase; I suppose I am a sensitive soul. When I hear someone insulting me it's not really a case of water off of a duck's back. What annoys me is that when I respond sensitively to a slagging, they get pissed off because I can't handle "the banter". I hate when people use this phrase, it's like their get out of jail card any time someone pulls them up on being an ass. I get the feeling that they get indignant towards, well, me being indignant is because that as a man I'm supposed to take stuff in my stride. Blokes aren't supposed to get upset over words, and when they do, you're referred to as "a pussy".

How would you describe yourself? If you're sensitive, would something that hits a raw nerve dwell on your mind for a while? How do you feel about these people who don't hold back in insulting people? If you're someone who would be like what I described above, what makes you think it's okay to slag blokes with an expectancy not to be pulled up on it?

SugarHigh

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I suppose I am a sensitive soul.

Says the guy with thor in his avi.:pac:

I'd react similar to how you would describe but that's because I don't really do well in that kind of environment anyway. It makes socialising feel like a competition or something.

Alanstrainor

LZ5by5 wrote: »

How do you feel about these people who don't hold back in insulting people?

They are what as known as assholes.
I can't stand people who take pleasure in taking the piss out of someone when they know that person wont respond. I'd be like yourself OP, i just wouldn't be the kind of person that can easily respond to shite like that.

Giselle

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Hello my fellow gents.

To cut to the chase; I suppose I am a sensitive soul. When I hear someone insulting me it's not really a case of water off of a duck's back. What annoys me is that when I respond sensitively to a slagging, they get pissed off because I can't handle "the banter". I hate when people use this phrase, it's like their get out of jail card any time someone pulls them up on being an ass. I get the feeling that they get indignant towards, well, me being indignant is because that as a man I'm supposed to take stuff in my stride. Blokes aren't supposed to get upset over words, and when they do, you're referred to as "a pussy".

How would you describe yourself? If you're sensitive, would something that hits a raw nerve dwell on your mind for a while? How do you feel about these people who don't hold back in insulting people? If you're someone who would be like what I described above, what makes you think it's okay to slag blokes with an expectancy not to be pulled up on it?

Its not just men who do that to one another. I'm quiet and sensitive, and I'm at times uncomfortably aware that I'm the subject of a slagging because I'm an easy target.

People who do that aren't having the banter, as Alanstrainor says, they're just A-holes.

DazMarz

I have a very, very short fuse when it comes to that kind of thing. I do not take slagging very lightly. I used to dish it out a bit, but I don't anymore, as I realise it's not nice.

But yes, I react like a Japanese Puffer Fish when I get slagged and become very angry and irritable. And the reaction is usually "Lighten up" or "It's only a bit of fun".

And those two phrases boil my blood more than the slagging usually!

Go away from me you fúckin toss wagons. I do not care to be slagged off by you.

I am a sensitive thing at times, but I am more than able to fend for myself if the need arises!

Snowie

I'm pretty sensitive....

I had a tough child hood Bullied a lot, from fellow class mates to teacher to people who i even deamed as friends.

In the past, mayeb 4 years ago I was finding it very difficult, to deal with people taking the piss felt like I was being bullied which had a ffects on my slef esteam, confidance, and self worth.
But the thing is, I found was that I couldnt differenticate (cant even pronounce that word properly, Never mind spell it :pac:) the difference between harmless piss taking and being bullied.

after many theripy sessions Ive learned that just because my mates are taking the piss its not personal and while at times yep it drives me mad I know they dont mean it.

But having sad that these days Im more relaxed. Working as a chef has helped me to be not so sensitive simply becaus ethe job is so heat in the moment. That some times you can get insulted, but its never ment.

CDfm

I dont have a short fuse but if someone says something that hurts then I do react.

There was a part of me that used to dwell on things but I dont now. I categorise crap into stuff that affects me personally in my life or financially. So if they dont **** em.

I have fired a few headwrecks from my life in the past few years.

Decide whats important to you and sometimes I can be an asshole and comfortable with that treat others accordingly.

Herbal Deity

Tbh, if a guy uses the phrase "the banter", he's probably an idiot or an asshole.

While it's sometimes used to mean harmless, playful slagging, more often than not it's used as a justification for severely insulting people.

Thing is, I just don't hang around with assholes, so it's not really an issue for me...

D'Agger

Oh good god I'm an asshole!

There's always a limit to abuse people can take - myself and my friends regularly slag each other off, it's knowing where the cut off point is that's key.

imo, between close friends it's grand once it's cyclical and not just directed at one person constantly - it's when people you don't know too well start getting in on the act that I find it unacceptable - those people are the real assholes imo

Will

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Hello my fellow gents.

To cut to the chase; I suppose I am a sensitive soul. When I hear someone insulting me it's not really a case of water off of a duck's back. What annoys me is that when I respond sensitively to a slagging, they get pissed off because I can't handle "the banter". I hate when people use this phrase, it's like their get out of jail card any time someone pulls them up on being an ass. I get the feeling that they get indignant towards, well, me being indignant is because that as a man I'm supposed to take stuff in my stride. Blokes aren't supposed to get upset over words, and when they do, you're referred to as "a pussy".

How would you describe yourself? If you're sensitive, would something that hits a raw nerve dwell on your mind for a while? How do you feel about these people who don't hold back in insulting people? If you're someone who would be like what I described above, what makes you think it's okay to slag blokes with an expectancy not to be pulled up on it?

I am ridiculously sensitive, something that may hit a raw nerve will usually send me into about a week (at least) of feeling down and upset. I can take a friendly slagging, as I will dish it back at them in a friendly way i.e not malicious.

If it's a more venomous attack I don't really retaliate in any form, just fade away out of the person's life. Really have no time for anyone who's out to put you down or anyone else for that matter. I abhor confrontation.

Herbal Deity

PaulieC wrote: »

Oh good god I'm an asshole!

There's always a limit to abuse people can take - myself and my friends regularly slag each other off, it's knowing where the cut off point is that's key.

imo, between close friends it's grand once it's cyclical and not just directed at one person constantly - it's when people you don't know too well start getting in on the act that I find it unacceptable - those people are the real assholes imo

Well between close friends there's a dynamic and boundaries that're understood.

If someone doesn't like slagging, you don't slag them. In my group of 4 close friends, two guys are constantly slagging each other off brutally, but they would't slag the other two of us off, because we don't slag them and we're just not into it.

Wibbs

I'd have zero sensitivity to people who are not my friends making comments. I dont see the logic in it. They dont know me so any insult or slight inferred is entirely of my own imagining. In the past when I was upset by a strangers comment, when I thought on it, oft times they were at least partially right. If not for the particulars of their insult, but for my reaction to it, that showed up my weaknesses in that area. In the long run it was useful to me.

But yea basically if I dont know, respect and consider you a mate, it just doesnt register. If its the "banter" I find that usually an excuse for others to get the boot in. And good luck to them TBH. If on the rare occasion it hits home with me, that's my issue that I will then work on. Otherwise it shows up their own issues more forcefully than I coud if I was of a mind to.

If someone calls you, I dunno a saddo, it means somewhere in your mind you think they're right. No? Well if someone called you a martian you would think them mad and not react internally. You know you're not a martian, but you may suspect you're a saddo in that example.

Plus its down to numbers too. One person calling you something is something you can and should brush off. Ten people saying the same and maybe its time to look inward. Like if one person says you smell, you should ignore it, if ten people do, buy soap.

SugarHigh

PaulieC wrote: »

Oh good god I'm an asshole!

There's always a limit to abuse people can take - myself and my friends regularly slag each other off, it's knowing where the cut off point is that's key.

imo, between close friends it's grand once it's cyclical and not just directed at one person constantly - it's when people you don't know too well start getting in on the act that I find it unacceptable - those people are the real assholes imo

But to find that cut off point you have to either cross it or get so close to it that the other person starts getting uncomfortable. I just see it as a lazy way of getting a laugh and easy one-upmanship.

Handsome Bob

It's good to see that no-one is of the "man up" opinion. It's just annoying to see, what Giselle said is true in regard to women getting it to, but I think it's more acceptable in society for women to get upset at such comments. I mean if a woman is called fat or ugly she, rightfully, gets upset. The person who makes the comment is, rightfully, seen as the bitch.

However if you change the roles from female to male, the male is expected to either laugh it off or to come up with his own witty response. It's not even a case of getting pissed off, it could be just a simple case of looking hurt. This in turn ruins the atmosphere. That makes you the asshole who can't take a slagging, rather than the person doing the slagging.

alexlyons

SugarHigh wrote: »

But to find that cut off point you have to either cross it or get so close to it that the other person starts getting uncomfortable. I just see it as a lazy way of getting a laugh and easy one-upmanship.

unless your good a reading people. Self praise is no praise I know but I can't justify what I;m going to say without telling you I'm good at it, everyone's god at something and I can read people very well, such as body language and tiny little reactions that others don't even notice. Once you can do this, it's extremely easy to stop at the right time, but its seeing these that is the problem. Like there are 3 friends of mine, one I've known since I was able to recognise people, the other two for a good 8-10 years. We all have a bit of fun, push each other a little bit and that's it. Occasionally someone may hit a nerve and I'd very deliberately but subtly sway the conversation away and every one would get the hint and it's grand. The guys know I'm able to read them all, and rather than be uptight about it, they like to use it to our advantage so we all just have fun. Its all about knowing the limits.

Nervous Wreck

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Hello my fellow gents.

To cut to the chase; I suppose I am a sensitive soul. When I hear someone insulting me it's not really a case of water off of a duck's back. What annoys me is that when I respond sensitively to a slagging, they get pissed off because I can't handle "the banter". I hate when people use this phrase, it's like their get out of jail card any time someone pulls them up on being an ass. I get the feeling that they get indignant towards, well, me being indignant is because that as a man I'm supposed to take stuff in my stride. Blokes aren't supposed to get upset over words, and when they do, you're referred to as "a pussy".

How would you describe yourself? If you're sensitive, would something that hits a raw nerve dwell on your mind for a while? How do you feel about these people who don't hold back in insulting people? If you're someone who would be like what I described above, what makes you think it's okay to slag blokes with an expectancy not to be pulled up on it?

I'd be fairly similar yes. Sometimes I rip on my friends, and they me, but it's generally when there's only two or three of us close friends sitting around and we make light of each other's shortcomings in a comedic way. Like when talking to a friend a few years ago about how he was a prick to women and I said "Ooh, sorry, did I hurt your feeling?" Haw.

But lately, I've noticed some of the lads in work taking actual digs at me, for (seemingly) no reason whatsoever. The first time it happened, I was internally offended. For about 4 seconds. Then I broke it down. They had ripped on my clothes. I looked at myself and at them. It was saturday night and I was dressed in nice, trendy clothes about to head out and meet a few friends for a night of boozing and dancing and having 'the banter', whereas the lads who were ripping on me were spending their saturday night sitting in work, drinking themselves into oblivion with work colleagues whom they only vaguely like because they had no friends of their own. I don't mean this in a horrible way but, it's true. They work in a job that requires them to do unsociable hours so most of them don't have any real life friends because after work, they're too lazy to go out and meet their friends so they just drink in the staff bar. I know this because I was caught up in the same routine for nearly a year before I remembered that I'd much rather see my friends in my spare time. Hence the reason the lads were taking the piss. They were stuck in that routine and I'd broken free. It wasn't my shortcomings, it was their jealousy. And as such, I kept my mouth shut and didn't retaliate. I'd rather be quiet and enjoy my life than have 'the banter' and hate the way I choose to live.

SugarHigh

alexlyons wrote: »

unless your good a reading people. Self praise is no praise I know but I can't justify what I;m going to say without telling you I'm good at it, everyone's god at something and I can read people very well, such as body language and tiny little reactions that others don't even notice. Once you can do this, it's extremely easy to stop at the right time, but its seeing these that is the problem. Like there are 3 friends of mine, one I've known since I was able to recognise people, the other two for a good 8-10 years. We all have a bit of fun, push each other a little bit and that's it. Occasionally someone may hit a nerve and I'd very deliberately but subtly sway the conversation away and every one would get the hint and it's grand. The guys know I'm able to read them all, and rather than be uptight about it, they like to use it to our advantage so we all just have fun. Its all about knowing the limits.

I think it's very hard to judge your own skill of reading people.

TitoPuente

Friends can give me a bit of a slagging, within reason and as long as it doesn't get too insolent or personal. People I don't consider friends or who aren't that close to me don't get the privilege of making insulting remarks or even having a laugh at my expense. Because, in 99.9% of cases, anyone who would laugh at the expense of someone that they don't really know that well are doing it out of malice. I'll always confront someone who has a go at me with a "bit of banter" with quick and decisive verbal aggression and they always back down. That's what cowards do. Back track on their bulls**t when someone stands up to them.

PK2008

My friends and I slag each other mercilessly all the time, even my family does it, and I think its absolutely hilarious, sometimes the lads will even take the pi55 out of themsleves over something they did. If you show the tiniest hint that you're sensitive about something you're done for. It can go a bit far sometimes but generally its just really laugh out loud stuff, and is a kind of sparring match. We wouldnt slag off lads we dont know though, I mean we all know each other years so its not a problem.

I love it, I think it helps give you perspecitve aswell, kind of cathartic, like if you're taking something in your life too seriously then it brings you down to earth a bit. If my friends and I didnt slag each other I'd find it very boring. We do have actual conversations without slagging but on Friday or Saturday nights all we want to do is have a laugh and take nothing seriously.

TanG411

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I'm pretty sensitive....

I had a tough child hood Bullied a lot, from fellow class mates to teacher to people who i even deamed as friends.

In the past, mayeb 4 years ago I was finding it very difficult, to deal with people taking the piss felt like I was being bullied which had a ffects on my slef esteam, confidance, and self worth.
But the thing is, I found was that I couldnt differenticate (cant even pronounce that word properly, Never mind spell it :pac:) the difference between harmless piss taking and being bullied.

after many theripy sessions Ive learned that just because my mates are taking the piss its not personal and while at times yep it drives me mad I know they dont mean it.

But having sad that these days Im more relaxed. Working as a chef has helped me to be not so sensitive simply becaus ethe job is so heat in the moment. That some times you can get insulted, but its never ment.

This describes me down to a tee - except for the occupation.

I cannot take slagging at all. Luckily the few friends I have now don't slag each other or me.

Notorious

PK2008 wrote: »

My friends and I slag each other mercilessly all the time, even my family does it, and I think its absolutely hilarious, sometimes the lads will even take the pi55 out of themsleves over something they did... We wouldnt slag off lads we dont know though, I mean we all know each other years so its not a problem.

This is exactly how it is with my close friends. It's part and parcel of us hanging around together. We all wind each other up to no end. Generally it's obvious when somebody takes it too far - in that case we'd take a step back and move on to something else. For me, it's all part of being around 'the lads' (that includes the wimmins, btw). As PK2008 said, I'd never start ripping into someone I didn't know.

There is one of the guys who just cannot take any abuse, which is fair enough. The problem with him though, is that he'll happily dish it out but as soon as he starts to get a bit of abuse, he'll insist that it's personal. Dealing with him can be quite tiresome sometimes, as any comments that insinuate that a bit of growing up needs to be done, obviously don't go down too well.

D'Agger

SugarHigh wrote: »

But to find that cut off point you have to either cross it or get so close to it that the other person starts getting uncomfortable. I just see it as a lazy way of getting a laugh and easy one-upmanship.

Tbh It's common sense to know you shouldn't slag somebody off about certain topics - the key is not blurting out the first funny thing that comes to your head - comprehend what you're thinking and decide for yourself if it's too close to home!

I'd be part of a close knit group of friends at home, we've known each other only about 4 years but get on very, very well and from day one it's been harmless slagging, we all do it to one another - one-manupship doesn't come into it at all - you might call it lazy but then again when you're having a few pints with your friends would you be bothered putting effort into the humurous aspects of ye'r time spent together!

SugarHigh

PaulieC wrote: »

Tbh It's common sense to know you shouldn't slag somebody off about certain topics - the key is not blurting out the first funny thing that comes to your head - comprehend what you're thinking and decide for yourself if it's too close to home!

I'd be part of a close knit group of friends at home, we've known each other only about 4 years but get on very, very well and from day one it's been harmless slagging, we all do it to one another - one-manupship doesn't come into it at all - you might call it lazy but then again when you're having a few pints with your friends would you be bothered putting effort into the humurous aspects of ye'r time spent together!

Then why is it so common for people to be offended by what others say?

I think it's very hard to know what is ok and what isn't ok to slag others about because everyone is sensitive about different things and I also don't think it is as clear to see when someone is offended as you make it out to be.

D'Agger

SugarHigh wrote: »

Then why is it so common for people to be offended by what others say?

I think it's very hard to know what is ok and what isn't ok to slag others about because everyone is sensitive about different things and I also don't think it is as clear to see when someone is offended as you make it out to be.

The way things are phrased has mainly been my downfall - saying something and then immediately saying after "I didn't mean it like that", as I said earlier, I'm in a tight group of friends - if one of us goes too far and offends somebody we'll all say it to the offender - "shít form cop on!", obviously you have a point on a one to one basis imo but I'm only discussing a group dynamic and even then its my best mates, any offence is soon forgotten about

fasty

I care a bit more than I like about this sort of thing too, but these days I just deal with people who are acting like jerks in the name of banter by telling them I'm not happy about it and/or not bothering with them ever again.

Mahogany

I think banter is alright but there's banter and there's insults which are disguised as banter. I don't mind when people keep it light and keep it "on the surface" but when they go deep and they know it'll get to you, avoid these people.

A lot of the time I find it's an escape for stupid people as they don't know how to have an meaningful conversation, so they resort to slagging people off all the time because they see humour as more important then intelligence.

People like Conor McGregor aren't helping the situation either.

ancapailldorcha

Please do not bump old threads.