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Grass isn't Greener :-(

  • 02-05-2010 4:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Well,

    As the title suggests... The grass isn't greener. I last night got together with a very old flame with whom I felt I never got closure on when we broke up... we are now both married, but going through difficulties, we had been fighting these feelings for well over a year and eventually last night met up and gave in.

    It was SO NOT WORTH IT...it was not how I remembered (The rose coloured glasses are well are truely off), althought I do not regret it because now I can move on ... the sex was not good AT ALL and afterwards everything I thought about him emotionally after the sex evaporated. So for that it was worth it.

    You know the old saying, you don't realise what you have till its gone - well I was very close to that and boy I did not realise what I have.

    This is just a warning to anyone who might be thinking of meeting up with an old flame and all that. DON'T - Don't - Don't - It isn't worth it.

    I now have to live with what I did and bare this burden till the day I die .... I got what I deserve. Just thought I would try warn anyone who is thinking about it .

    Thanks all :-(


Comments

  • #2
    miss5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,319 ✭✭✭miss5


    It's a shame you had to betray your husband to find that out. I think
    every couple has problems but few people comtemplate the damage cheating does
    when they only consider themselves and cheat, I hope you both considered
    the damage it could do to your marraiges and that you show your husband
    a little more respect.


  • #3
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    The grass is seldom greener, that's why the phrase came about.

    Hope you move on and things work out, op.


  • #4
    whatsamsn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭whatsamsn


    You now face a double-edged sword OP.

    If you tell your husband you will create a storm. But at least you were honest. Shows you regretted it and are sorry.

    If you dont tell your husband - what is a relationship without honesty? And if he ever found out it would be the end of it. Anything from now on until the time the truth comes out will seem like a lie too.

    I hope to never be in your situation OP. On either side of the coin.


  • #5
    scrubber72
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,215 ✭✭✭scrubber72


    ok so you did something you regret but its not the end of your world. Yes you cheated on your husband but can you say you wouldnt of done it at a later date. Both you and your fling are having problems of your own at home so I believe it was bound to happen. Maybe not with each other but I think that a some date in the future it would of happened. I wouldnt go about the rest of your life feeling bad, it happened. What you DO have to sort out is if you wish to stay with your current partner or not. To me it seems that it wasnt just your ex you wanted to experience again but that you wanted to feel wanted again. Sort out your relationship with yourself then sort out the one with your husband.
    good luck


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,

    You are all right, that is why I wanted to let you know ...

    It is a double edged sword.. but, we live in seperate counties and are not on each others Facebook.. we do not have any social circles where we may meet and unless he tells someone I certainly won't. This is something I have to live with and I will not be telling anyone -except my counsellor.

    I have however made an appointment with a counsellor and yes I do have problems and there are problems in my marriage... we had been to counselling over anger management issues on his side and lack of emotional / physical side of things... the anger management is dealt with, the emotional side of it is being dealt with on an ongoing basis- the physical side is still not being dealt with and I'm weary...

    So I have chosen to go see a counsellor again on my own and it will be make or break, if my counsellor believes it will 'help' me or my husband by telling him about my infidelity then I will - but I will make sure to have my bags packed first because I will be out the door so fast...and I don't blame him, if he was unfaithful on me I would kick him to the curb so fast ...

    So I did know the reprecussions of my actions before I did it .. I actually do think now looking at it that my marriage must be over if I could actually do that... We are over 10 years together and I have NEVER even looked at another man ....

    Your right scrubber72 - and yes I wanted to feel wanted again...BUT, I am going to sort out my relationship with myself and then I am going to sort out my relationship with my husband..if there is a relationship left to sort out.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Am I the only one whose going to say it?

    You not only cheated, you planned to cheat on your husband of 10 years for some thrills. That is horrible behaviour and if you have any shred of decency left you will tell him and let him make that decision. You, without even thinking of your husband of 10 years feelings, saw an opportunity where he'd never find out and went off and ****ed someone else for some excitment. Theres not even words to describe how selfish that was.

    I just don't agree with people who think cheating is acceptable in some circumstances. If you have problems tell him, if he doesnt do anything after telling him, make an ultimatium. Show him how serious you are. But dont go off and **** another man on your husband of 10 years for some fun.

    I am outraged. You should tell your husband but you probably won't.


  • #8
    whatsamsn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭whatsamsn


    outrageselfish wrote: »
    Am I the only one whose going to say it?

    You not only cheated, you planned to cheat on your husband of 10 years for some thrills. That is horrible behaviour and if you have any shred of decency left you will tell him and let him make that decision. You, without even thinking of your husband of 10 years feelings, saw an opportunity where he'd never find out and went off and ****ed someone else for some excitment. Theres not even words to describe how selfish that was.

    I just don't agree with people who think cheating is acceptable in some circumstances. If you have problems tell him, if he doesnt do anything after telling him, make an ultimatium. Show him how serious you are. But dont go off and **** another man on your husband of 10 years for some fun.

    I am outraged. You should tell your husband but you probably won't.

    I agree.
    I'm not judging you op.I dont even know you. But from hearing the facts. It is bad.

    You probably should tell him.
    What if he ever cheats on you? ... you'd be mad at him.


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