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Should i tell the parents?

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  • 02-05-2010 5:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I know someone who works as a childminder. To everyone she seems nice and she can easily fool them.

    She is in her late 20s and has a fierce temper. That would be ok if she doesn't take it out on the kids. When growing up as teenagers, i used to visit her while she was babysitting kids. She used to scream at them. Used to terrify me. I dont know what they ever did wrong, they were only being kids. Over the years, it was always the same thing with different kids. I visited her 2/3 years ago minding other kids and she was still screaming at them. She used always come home and say it was the parents fault for spoiling them. Going back about 10 years, she took her temper out on the cat and kicked him in his mouth.

    I thought she might have changed but but a couple of months ago, she took her temper out again on the cat. About a month ago, she got herself into a mood and thumped me several times over the head. I was bleeding from the head and felt sick afterwards and she said i deserved it.

    I don't know what is wrong. She must be troubled and i advised her to get help but she isn't. In my honest opinion, i don't think she isn't in any state to be minding kids, it just takes a couple of seconds to do some damage. She can hurt animals and a grown adult. A child has no chance. Should i tell the parents of the kids she is minding about her fierce temper?


Comments

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    #2
    Pete67
    Registered Users Posts: 1,257 ✭✭✭Pete67


    Yes, I'm a parent and I'd want to know.


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    #3
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Are you related to this woman? Why do you have an ongoing relationship with her & visit her if you dislike her so much?

    Give her a wide berth and report her for assaulting you for starters...I'm not sure I'd go behind her back and bad mouth her to parents and make sure she lost her job, especially with a history of violence towards you. I think you'd be better off making sure the gardai know what she's done to you already before going anywhere near parents.

    Then cut this person out your life!

    Best of luck


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    #4
    Darthhoob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭Darthhoob


    as much as i would like to know, i dont think you should go round telling the parents...as they will no doubt take their kids straight out of there and she might not be doing anything to them at all, if you saw evidence of her hurting or shouting at the kids she minds whilst you are there...fair enough..but you haven't seen her do it. yeah she kicked the cat...which is horrid, but doesn't mean she is kicking the kids also...i know if it was my son i'd notice anything like that going on? but then i dont know till it happens...which i hope it wont.

    by all means report her to her employer! and any organisation like OFSTED (dunno if you have them in Ireland?) who will look into it...IF she is harming the kids then yes she absolutely deserves to lose her job and more...but dont do it on 'heresay'

    also agree with the poster who says report her to the Gardai for hitting you...that is assault and you shouldn't put up with that.


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    #5
    PhysiologyRocks
    Registered Users Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭PhysiologyRocks


    Yes, report her. Whatever about whether or not parents would want to know (and I assume they would), it's just not fair on the children.

    It'll terrify them, and teach them that aggression is okay.


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    #6
    sunshiner
    Registered Users Posts: 438 ✭✭sunshiner


    nanny cams are good invention these days. dunno if an anonymous letter would help,at least they could quiz their kids then to see if theyre ok.

    i would want to know


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    #7
    slowmoe
    Registered Users Posts: 561 ✭✭✭slowmoe


    i think you should definitely report her to the gardai. at least then she might be in a better position to be persuaded into therapy if she has go accept her temper caused her to commit a crime. she can't hide behind the you deserved it line if the gardai are talking to her.

    i would make it clear to the gardai that she is a childminder and you have concerns for the kids. they could be a better position to advise you on what to do here regarding telling the parents, they might even inform them themselves???

    I think any parent would want to know if they were leaving their children in the care of someone with such aggression. if your kids were being minded by her wouldnt you want to know?


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Your post seems a little odd. It seems strange that you should even have to ask what to do in that situation.

    Someone left you bleeding and you are wondering about whether to report it or not?

    Thats a bit weird.


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    #9
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,320 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I don't think you should wait until she hurts one of the children to warn the parents.


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    #10
    MrsA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭MrsA


    As a mother I would be very upset if someone thought my children might be in danger and decided not to tell me.


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    #11
    Sir Ophiuchus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,035 ✭✭✭Sir Ophiuchus


    I'm somewhat worried that you were assaulted by this person, haven't reported it, continue to associate with her, and don't challenge her assertion that "you deserve it". That's the hallmark of an abuser. Are you in a relationship or ongoing friendship with this person?

    Leave her. Don't tell her you're doing so. Charge her with assault. Don't just tell the parents "She has a bad temper", tell them "She's been charged with assault". They'll cop pretty quickly this is not the sort of person they want babysitting their children.


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    #12
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    How do you know this person and why do you still have contact with them and how come you were visiting her while she was babysitting? How would you be in a position to know the parents to tell them. Does she work for anybody?

    Tell social welfare and the guards immediately.


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    #13
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    shoulditell wrote: »
    I know someone who works as a childminder. To everyone she seems nice and she can easily fool them.

    She is in her late 20s and has a fierce temper. That would be ok if she doesn't take it out on the kids. When growing up as teenagers, i used to visit her while she was babysitting kids. She used to scream at them. Used to terrify me. I dont know what they ever did wrong, they were only being kids. Over the years, it was always the same thing with different kids. I visited her 2/3 years ago minding other kids and she was still screaming at them. She used always come home and say it was the parents fault for spoiling them. Going back about 10 years, she took her temper out on the cat and kicked him in his mouth.

    I thought she might have changed but but a couple of months ago, she took her temper out again on the cat. About a month ago, she got herself into a mood and thumped me several times over the head. I was bleeding from the head and felt sick afterwards and she said i deserved it.

    I don't know what is wrong. She must be troubled and i advised her to get help but she isn't. In my honest opinion, i don't think she isn't in any state to be minding kids, it just takes a couple of seconds to do some damage. She can hurt animals and a grown adult. A child has no chance. Should i tell the parents of the kids she is minding about her fierce temper?

    To paraphsase a famous quote "all that is required for evil to succeed is for good men to stand by and do nothing"

    report this person, how will you feel if she injures a child? or even worse?


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    #14
    John Lynch Ph.D
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭John Lynch Ph.D


    krudler wrote: »
    To paraphsase a famous quote "all that is required for evil to succeed is for good men to stand by and do nothing"

    Jesus how melodramatic, I dont think that quote is really apt for a screamy nanny.

    OP mind your own business, you've no evidence this woman beats kids only your suspicions. It is her living and you want to ruin it because you don't like her??

    I had plenty of teachers who shouted, and most kids are too spoilt these days.


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    #15
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users Posts: 17,873 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    John Lynch Ph.D wrote: »
    Jesus how melodramatic, I dont think that quote is really apt for a screamy nanny.

    OP mind your own business, you've no evidence this woman beats kids only your suspicions. It is her living and you want to ruin it because you don't like her??

    I had plenty of teachers who shouted, and most kids are too spoilt these days.

    If she has no qualms about walloping her supposed friend over the head in a fit of rage, what's stopping her doing it to the kids, and then blaming that on someone else?


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    #16
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    John Lynch Ph.D wrote: »
    Jesus how melodramatic, I dont think that quote is really apt for a screamy nanny.

    OP mind your own business, you've no evidence this woman beats kids only your suspicions. It is her living and you want to ruin it because you don't like her??

    I had plenty of teachers who shouted, and most kids are too spoilt these days.

    you honestly think someone who has zero qualms about battering a grown woman wont do the same to kids?


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    #17
    MrsA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭MrsA


    John Lynch Ph.D wrote: »
    Jesus how melodramatic, I dont think that quote is really apt for a screamy nanny.

    OP mind your own business, you've no evidence this woman beats kids only your suspicions. It is her living and you want to ruin it because you don't like her??

    I had plenty of teachers who shouted, and most kids are too spoilt these days.

    Look how nicely rounded you turned out. Your lack of empathy says more than your words.


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    #18
    John Lynch Ph.D
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭John Lynch Ph.D


    To work with children you need Garda clearance which I assume this woman has, therefore in the eyes of the law and state she is not a danger.

    Every busy body aul one who throws wild accusations around cant affect someones professional life, you know innocent before proven guilty in a court of law.

    OP is not an authority and if you do report your baseless accusations to the parents she works for I sincerely hope she sues you for defamation of character.

    If you have concerns report it to the Guards and mind your own business.


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    #19
    Exclamation Marc
    Registered Users Posts: 11,705 ✭✭✭✭Exclamation Marc


    John Lynch Ph.D wrote: »
    Every busy body aul one who throws wild accusations around cant affect someones professional life, you know innocent before proven guilty in a court of law.

    OP is not an authority and if you do report your baseless accusations to the parents she works for I sincerely hope she sues you for defamation of character.

    If you have concerns report it to the Guards and mind your own business.

    Hardly baseless accusations and wild accusations if she actually has been beating the OP, thats more "first-hand evidence".

    I think the best thing to do is to report it to the Gardaí and tell them your concerns if it is bothering you this much. Telling the parents themselves, if you have no current relationship with them, is beyond what you should do, as it will then be a case of "he says - she says" and since they've no idea who you are and have no evidence of her behaviour at the moment, you'll just come off badly and you'll end up in a very awkward and tricky spot.

    I understand your concern comes from a good place, but if you pursue it in the wrong way, it could backfire horribly on you. Report what happened to the Gardaí so it's on file, and if anything, God forbid, happens to the kids, it will be on file that a complaint was made about the girl in question. Although the parents (in a perfect world) should know, its not your place to become directly involved with them.

    EDIT: And also, you can't keep warning parents, as even if you told them and they fired her, she'd probably/possibly get another babysitting job and you'd be in the same spot. So if you feel like her behaviour is worth complaining of, then stick to the Gardaí only.


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