Girlfriend Reading messages

LegacyUser

With girlfriend today and she says she accidently went into my messages and read a message I sent to a girl I know about my ex as I wanted someone else's opinion. This girl I had not spoken to in ages and only got back in contact by accident recently but no history etc. Any girlfriend read the conversation while she was on the phone to a mate of hers while I was in the room but said nothing to me. I only spoke about stuff on mind at the time and things that were happening in my life. She has totaly flipped and went of the handle as to why I could not talk to her about what was going on in my mind/head at the time. She is convinced I want to get back with my ex and that I only went out with her on the rebound which is not true. I told her if I had anything to hide I would have deleted the message but felt there was nothing in it. I thought we were so solid but lately she has been distant and now I think she is using this as a way out of our relationship. I have supported her through problems she has and it's not been easy. Where do I go from here she has gone of with her best mate and probably will come back and collect some of her stuff and go back to her parents. I love her to bits and have and would do anything for het but she thinks I want to get back with my ex but I don't. What should I do as this is killing me and i don't want us to finish. Thanks

Chinafoot

Inthesky wrote: »

With girlfriend today and she says she accidently went into my messages and read a message I sent to a girl I know about my ex as I wanted someone else's opinion. This girl I had not spoken to in ages and only got back in contact by accident recently but no history etc.

Okay, so you sent a message to a girl you aren't close to about your ex. I can see why your girlfriend is upset tbh. Why are you talking to people you dont really know anymore about your ex girlfriend? What was the content of the message?

I bet she thought you were so solid too but then she finds out you've been talking to someone about a past relationship that you claim you have moved on from. If I were in your girlfriends position I would no doubt be questioning things too.

You need to take a look at why you felt the need to ask this girl what you did, why you are still thinking about your ex depsite being in a relationship with your girlfriend and then go from there. Time to start being honest with yourself and your girlfriend.

C_J

How did she accidently open your message folder, sent items and the message? Sorry but I don't understand how that could happen accidently.....

Chinafoot

C_J wrote: »

How did she accidently open your message folder, sent items and the message? Sorry but I don't understand how that could happen accidently.....

I don't think that her reading his message is the most important part of this issue. Yes it was wrong and she shouldn't have done it and she herself needs to look at why she felt the need to do it. Was it through lack of trust or just being nosey in general?

Either way, I think its slightly more important to look at why the OP felt the need to send the message and why he sent it to someone he isn't all that close to.

C_J

Op, were you with your ex the last time you had spoken to the other girl?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Chinafoot wrote: »

I don't think that her reading his message is the most important part of this issue. Yes it was wrong and she shouldn't have done it and she herself needs to look at why she felt the need to do it. Was it through lack of trust or just being nosey in general?

Either way, I think its slightly more important to look at why the OP felt the need to send the message and why he sent it to someone he isn't all that close to.

Maybe he felt she'd be a good person to talk to about it?

I don't think the op's girlfriend would be making a fuss if he'd sent the same text to a guy. I think he should explain to her he can have female friends.

You did read the part where it said he texted a girl about the ex-girlfriend? it wasn't his ex-girlfriend he was texting

Think its very odd he's in the dog house here. Maybe the content of the text is what's really bothereing his girlfriend

Ickle Magoo

Of course your gf shouldn't be reading your phone messages, accidentally or no - but she has and you don't want her to break things off so where to go now?

It's hard to give specific advice about what to now without more details as to why she has flipped and whether she is using it to further another agenda...what did the text say? When was it sent?

Chinafoot

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Maybe he felt she'd be a good person to talk to about it?

I don't think the op's girlfriend would be making a fuss if he'd sent the same text to a guy. I think he should explain to her he can have female friends.

I don't think the issue is who he was texting but rather why he was texting her. He has given no inidcation in his OP that her issue was with him having female friends. Not too sure where you got that from really.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

You did read the part where it said he texted a girl about the ex-girlfriend? it wasn't his ex-girlfriend he was texting

Yes I did, thanks. Did you read the part where his current girlfriend now feels that he's only with her on the rebound? If he's completely over his ex and happy in his relationship with this girl why is he texting someone to get their opinion on something to do with his ex?

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Think its very odd he's in the dog house here.

I think she's probably more hurt and confused about where she stands. An honest discussion on both their parts wouldn't go astray here.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Maybe the content of the text is what's really bothereing his girlfriend

Agreed.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Chinafoot wrote: »

I don't think the issue is who he was texting but rather why he was texting her. He has given no inidcation in his OP that her issue was with him having female friends. Not too sure where you got that from really.

As I think this wouldn't be an issue if it were a guy he was texting. I think the jealosy is coming about because he texted a girl

Yes I did, thanks. Did you read the part where his current girlfriend now feels that he's only with her on the rebound? If he's completely over his ex and happy in his relationship with this girl why is he texting someone to get their opinion on something to do with his ex?

We don't know what that something is. Could be innocuous as implied by the OP. If that's the case I don't see why the girlfriend is bothered unless she's jealous of him texting a friend who's a girl

I think she's probably more hurt and confused about where she stands. An honest discussion on both their parts wouldn't go astray here.

He hasn't done anything dishonest.

seenitall

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

He hasn't done anything dishonest.

In that bit that you quoted, it wasn't even implied that he has done anything dishonest (defensive, much?). Merely a suggestion of an honest discussion between the two people involved, which I support BTW.

LegacyUser

The message was on a social networking site and she said she thought it was her logged in. The conversation went into things that were and are happening in my life and this other girl offered me her opinion on things I was trying to get my head around. The problem is my girlfriend said I should have spoken too her about it but I just wanted another opinion. Think things are sorted now but was a long night.

Chinafoot

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

As I think this wouldn't be an issue if it were a guy he was texting. I think the jealosy is coming about because he texted a girl

Again, I disagree. She's now freaking out about her relationship with her boyfriend and she thinks he's not over his ex. That to me says she's upset about what the message contained. But it's easier to just go with the old "she's just jealous that he has a female friend" crap, isn't it?

Chinafoot

inthesky wrote: »

The message was on a social networking site and she said she thought it was her logged in. The conversation went into things that were and are happening in my life and this other girl offered me her opinion on things I was trying to get my head around. The problem is my girlfriend said I should have spoken too her about it but I just wanted another opinion. Think things are sorted now but was a long night.

Big difference between someone offering their opinion and you asking for their opinion. You appear to have done the latter which would explain why your girlfriend is upset, particularly if its about your ex girlfriend.

Anyway, glad you got it sorted.

LegacyUser

inthesky wrote: »

The message was on a social networking site and she said she thought it was her logged in. The conversation went into things that were and are happening in my life and this other girl offered me her opinion on things I was trying to get my head around. The problem is my girlfriend said I should have spoken too her about it but I just wanted another opinion. Think things are sorted now but was a long night.

good for the two of you that you got it sorted. All sorts of problems crop up in relationships, if you can talk about them though, you're already half way to sorting them out