getting over an ex of a year

LegacyUser

Hi, this is typical getting over an ex thread here but I am tired of feeling angry and mad over a year on. Sorry for the length in advance. This time last year I met a guy who I though was lovely. We went out for three months( I know you will say that's nothing compared to some of people on here ) and hence why getting over him is annoying me as we were not together that long.
He had just finished a 4 year relationship before he met me and we were both cautious at the start. We fell for each other, although looking back on it, maybe only me who did the falling ha and things were brilliant. Before we went on a date he had been mentioning going to Australia if an aspect of his life didnt work out. The aspect didn't work out so I knew he was going to go and this is where we broke up.
He went to Oz last September and we stayed in contact. We both agreed to be honest if we met other people and not mess with each others heads. Texts and calls were all initiated by him almost weekly. He mentioned me coming over to him a few times and I had never given a straight answer. ( Mostly because I would have been going this summer and a lot could happen between now and then ). When we were on skype or the phone he would say things that made me think he still had an interest in me like he missed me or, I should put up more pictures on facebook because he wanted to see me. I was going into this with my eyes open and I kept telling him all we can be at the moment is in contact as friends.
Contact went on until December around Christmas time and then stopped. I was gutted at this but half knew it was because he met somebody. I texted him a couple of times nothing too obsessive and heard nothing back. For over a month I was completely gutted, not because he met somebody else but because he did not have the balls to tell me,just started ignoring me. In the middle of February after a drunken upset text from me one night he told me yes he had met someone he was sorry for being a spa but did not know what to say. I texted back and said we said before he went we would be honest with each other and I was really upset and annoyed that he couldn't tell me.
Long story short, he is now home. I pass his house every day going to work and have seen him about 6 times since beginning of the month. Everytime I see him I burst out crying and get so angry at what happened. Don't think he has seen me. I am worried about bumping into him and what will I say? It seems so cruel that he was the one who hurt me but I keep seeing him.
I want to stop being upset over this, I feel physically sick when I see him in the car or in the garden. I am still gutted over the fact that he did not have one bit of decency to tell me he was with someone else. I thought he was a nce person and worst thing is when we started going out his ex was texting him and he had no probelm telling her he was with me. I saw the messages.
I think if I could stop seeing him it would be easier but I have to pass his house to go to my job. This is hurting me so much more now that back in February and I'm tired of it. I want to be interested in other guys but I'm refusing them because I keep thinking the will end up hurting me and its not worth it.
Sorry for the length of this but I felt it was needed to give ye a full picture of the story. Any advice would be so welcome as I have spent all morning crying because I saw him yesterday and Thursday.

LegacyUser

What are you talking about, he was cruel and hurt you and didn't have the decency to tell you? As far as I can see from your story, over there he initiated most of the contact with you, he invited you over and you side-stepped this because you wanted to keep your options open, he made it clear he had feelings for you but you said let's just be friends. If anything he deserved to be pissed off at you for sitting on the fence. But he didn't, he just moved on and got on with his life, and now you are upset because you lost your chance. If you are in the same position again with another guy I suggest you make a definite decision and make your feelings clear to him.

Unique User Name

Hi Op. You poor girl big hugs for you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I don't believe that time is really all that important of a fact in falling for someone so of course you could fall for someone after 3 months. Unfortunately as this guy has gotten with somebody else you need to forget about him and move on. I thought that I'd never get over my ex but I did and I had to. Just like you have to now.

I know its so cliche to tell you to join a club get a hobby etc. but doing these things you meet new people. This takes your mind of the ex. You're probably at the stage now were enough time has passed that you've idealised everything about him. In truth I'm sure he had lots of flaws. It's important to remember this. You're probably now in love with the idea of being with him and not actually in love with him. Don't refuse other guys. Take a chance. The world is full of men. Are you really sure that you won't find one even better. I really doubt that.

Stop crying. Forget him enjoy your life, smile and be happy

LegacyUser

OP here,
Unique user name - thanks for the advice, helps a lot.
myadvice - i think you are being a bit harsh. Maybe it's me not telling the full story but I told him I would love to go over to him in summer but a lot could happen between now and then and either one of us could meet somebody else because we were talking about this last November. I said all going well I would go over for six weeks during my holidays but he could meet someone in that time and so could I. Bear in mind here we were friends with a view to more, we couldn't have been more while he was a million miles away so for me to say oh ya I will book flights to see you 8 months from now was not an easy thing for me to do. He said to me the last time we talked around Christmas that my answer was good enough for him, as long as I wanted to go over he was happy.
Just setting the record straight, I think you were being harsh.

Unique User Name

Hi again Op. Very glad to help. You sound like a really good person and you deserve to be happy. It's perfectly normal to feel how you're feeling now. I've been there before myself and I know how awful it feels. Anyone who tells you otherwise has either never been in love or is a liar. Just look at these threads and you'll know how many people feel the same way. I know it will eventually pass for you though but as I say only when you take a chance with someone new and do other things to forget him. Best of luck lady not that you'll need it

LegacyUser

Saw him again today. It's like punishment for me and I did nothing wrong. I am just really angry and upset over this after three months when the contact stopped and want to get over it but I just can't.

Littlest things remind me of him, songs I hear, passing places we used to go. I'm trying to be tough with myself here saying why should I be so upset over a guy who had so little respect for me. Its not that I still love him, it's the fact I can't get over what he did. Just cant understand it and thats what hurts the most.

A person making out they care about you, saying they miss you etc and then bang they just drop you without a second thought.

Has anyone here come out of this and lived to tell the tale? It's just soul destroying when friends say get over it. Do they not think I am trying?

LegacyUser

Saw him again today and the crying craic started again. I dont know why I waste my time being upset about somebody who chose to ignore me for so long and only for I sent that drunken text would never have even given reason to stopping the contact.

I just want to be able to forget him. It's not even about feelings for him. They are gone I think. More about getting over what he did. Trying to understand it but can't. Was out last night and wasn't approached by any guy wo couldn't do anything about the whole meeting other people idea. Ahh why does it have to be so hard and soul - destroying. How come he is not seeing me all these times. He is the one who did wrong, maybe he should be the one feeling like this.

Unique User Name

Hi OP. I've come out of this and lived to tell the tale. You need to cut all contact. Not drive by his house. If he's on your facebook delete or at least hide his posts!!! Its the only way to do it I'm afraid. You will be the better for it. it's important not to think about him he's not worth your time and energy. Put it into something more worthy. I know you can do it