Feeling stupid all the time

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I'm a long-time boards reader but this is my first time posting. I'm 20 years old and while waiting to go back to full-time education, I've gotten myself a part-time job in a shop. I've been working there for a good while now and on the whole, it's a great place to work. Everyone is extremely friendly, the work is not difficult by anyone's standards and the hours suit me perfectly. However, every single day I go to work, I spend the majority of the day doing incredibly stupid things and feeling like an idiot. Of course, they are simple things but I feel like everything I try to do just goes wrong ie. making mistakes with prices, dropping things, giving wrong information to customers..everything! I try so so hard to do things right but every time I mess it up.

Now let me say that I am an intelligent person. In terms of education, I am used to excelling in every single thing I put my mind to. I am sensible, responsible and a serious perfectionist. But I am almost completely lacking in common sense to the point where I feel like I am not smart enough to work in a shop. I have a history of anxiety problems and this only worsens matters as I come home every evening having panic attacks and spend the entire night worrying about work the next day. I can't relax or enjoy my job because I know it's only a matter of time before I mess up again. I feel as though everyone in there thinks I'm stupid and a complete waste of an employee. This is not just in my head - I do say and do something wrong/stupid at least once a day.

I guess I'm just not used to feeling like this - I'm used to being the one who's good at everything. I just think that this sort of work doesn't suit me, but I know how lucky I am to have such a flexibly and easy-going job and it really does have to last me for at least six more months.

I don't really know what I'm asking here - I guess I'm hoping that someone else has felt this way at some point and might share their experiences with me.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

I'd imagine your getting yourself a little worked up over it and therefore making more mistakes than you normally would. i find if i make a mistake and don't let it go, as in just forget about it i continue making stupid mistakes!
It sounds like your a bit a nervous and paranoid, i'd say just relax, who cares if you make a mistake. It is only a shop! there isn't going to be any major repercussions i'm sure, its not life or death. I honestly have been in similar situations and the minute i stop stressing is the minute i stop making stupid mistakes

tenchi-fan

It sounds like you're over conscientious. In college you might have had weeks to write a paper, you'd research it well, tweak it, make sure there were no typos and hand it up and get a mark out of 100. Real life just isn't like that!

The thing is .. so what if you do make one or two mistakes every day? People might not even notice, and if they do ... just say "sorry!"

Wouldn't it be worse if you were doing things wrong and didn't even realise? Or if your mistakes were pointed out to you and you still couldn't recognise what you did wrong? Or you made the same mistake the whole time without learning from it? That's the definition of stupid!

As it is, you have a part-time job in a shop where you don't even intend to stay long-term... my advice is just RELAX !!! Take the p***. Have a laugh. Try and enjoy it.

My biggest shock was starting in a callcentre job a few years back because it was quite unlike any job I had before .. You need to answer queries while you're on the call and at the beginning you just learn as you're going along. some calls were disasters with plenty of wrong info been given out - you'd realise just how bad when they were played back to you by your manager. After a year (& between 15,000-20,000 calls) you learn to take things with a pinch of salt.

Edit: PS at the beginning I was messing up a lot - not by giving out wrong info. But by being so particular my after-call time (the amount of seconds it takes before you take your next call) was through the roof & it really affected my stats. I wasn't dossing after calls.. at the beginning I was spending too much time looking up whether I answered the customer correctly but try explaining that to a manager.

I think the reason for this is I was over-qualified and over-conscientious.. it was a life skill learning to just sound confident and go with my gut instinct.

Other people I worked with weren't clever at all and got the same thanks as I did. e.g. One guy put a customer on hold , turned around and asked me "where is moscow?"... I just said "really?? it's in russia, where did you think it was"... and he got back to the customer "yes, your phone will work in moscow!"

Set your standards a bit lower

unclecessna

The above poster gave some great advice right there.

I used to be a bit of a perfectionist myself. The problem with being a perfectionist is when you are working with a cash register in a shop when you screw up instead of just simply saying to yourself - ''oh, I screwed up!.....well, let's see how I can fix this.'' - you end up coming down way too hard on yourself for having screwed up in the first place and focus on having actually screwed up more than on looking for a solution to the error. It becomes a vicious circle.

The best thing to do is break the circle by telling yourself that accidents will inevitably happen and anticipate them so when they actually do happen you will already be looking for the solution instead of worrying over the spilt milk!

LegacyUser

Hi OP

26yr old male here. I have to say to myself at times "stop expecting so much". That goes for myself as I can beat myself up psychologically over the silliest of things. And it also goes for others too - eg. I could feel agrieved by something a friend does / doesn't do even if that person is normally a great friend. Being a perfectionist, Im nearly always expecting too much from myself/others and it does lead to all sorts of anxieties.

I think the advice from the above two posters is really good. You also seem like a decent person and you deserve to give youreslf a break!

As one of the posters said, in school or in college, you can get 100% in an exam and can always strive for perfection in exams (that's a great thing) but when it comes to being human and your day to day activities, you deserve to cut yourself some slack and realise that NOBODY is perfect and we are all entitled to slip up every now and again.

Have a look at this song by Marina and the Diamonds - "I Am Not A Robot" - the lyrics are really good.

Hopefully it all works out!

LegacyUser

hey op,

you need to address some underlying issues which are causing you your problems.....namely, your anxiety, self-esteem and perfectionism....they usually go hand in hand.

your anxiety is causing you to do stupid things as you can't think clearly and rationally when you're in an anxious state. your perfectionism can actually be a bad trait to have as you probably feel you have to do everything 'perfect' to prove to yourself and others that you are a worthy human being. if you don't, you see yourself as an utter failure.

i suffered from anxiety myself and i used to 'zone-out' when people were talking to me, make illogical responses to questions, etc when i was in work and felt on the spot. i've since learnt to control my anxiety and these old habits are fading away.

i would advise you to read up on cognitive behavioural therapy.....it's very effective in reducing anxiety and increasing self-esteem. essentially, it encourages individuals to change their thinking processes and perceptions into more rational and healthy ones.

there are plenty of self-help books on cbt available in bookshops and on-line which would help you enormously. they will teach you how to identify your current negative thoughts and change them into more positive thoughts which over time will turn your negative feelings into positive feelings.

tenchi-fan

i might just add... that's what 18 years of full-time education does to people!

My teachers were bad enough and my dad was even worse (he always had to be right and criticise, which meant I was always wrong).

i think you need to shake off that mindset.

LegacyUser

Ah OP, I've been there

Working as a barman and maybe I'd give a Diet Coke instead of a Coke. No problem and can be fixed instantly but I'd spend the rest of my shift calling myself stupid and questioning myself. Could serve 99 out 100 customers correctly but the one I mess up would shatter my confidence.

I'd say you may be like myself and be demanding perfection of yourself and judging yourself against your teammates every second you're in work. If your teammate does something, you're not happy unless you do it better.

You will perform far, far better at your job if you can relax and be confident in yourself. Once you get flustered, anxious and nervous, you're only going to make more mistakes.

There are self help products around, some excellent videos on youtube to get you started.

Hank_Jones

Personally, I would say to get more exercise and enough hours sleep.

These things will help you to relax.

WindSock

Ahh the old performance anxiety. I've been there before. Worked in many differrent jobs at the counter and I found by far the one I messed up in the most was the local newsagents. I think it just takes a bit of getting used to to relax and get comfortable in your role. Of course it is hard when you are behind the counter like a monkey trying to get things right, especially when the lad you fancied when you were younger walks in and there is a large queue mounting and you've magically forgotten how to open the till and then you have to use your brain to make a simple sum and it goes blank
I wouldn't worry about it too much OP. It doesn't mean you are stupid. Sure how often do you even notice or care when you go into a shop and the assistant messes up a little?