Need some advice re sensitive situation...

Smallbit

OK guys, I have a rather sensitive situation with himself and I could really do with advice on this.

Not to put too fine a point on it, he's not very well endowed, BUT, and I stress this, he's very good in bed. I truly have no complaints as I've never been that concerned about pen1s size.

We had a conversation recently where I reluctantly admitted to him, when he asked, that he's the smallest I've been with. I didn't say it like that but let's say he was able to infer from my answers to several of his questions that he's the smaller of the select group. I haven't exactly had a huge range of experience, but I'm 45, so I've seen a few...

Anyway, it's now like the issue has become the elephant in the room, and he seems a little deflated if you'll pardon the pun, even though I've tried not to make it an issue. OK, he's shorter than average but actually thicker than average in my estimation and that's the more important dimension for me!

However, no matter what I say to him, I'm pretty sure the only thing in his head is "uh oh, I'm shorter than all the other guys she's slept with"

How do I help him get past this?! What do I say that will really boost his ego? Are there magic words, or secret phrases that will convince him that I think he's the best lover I've ever had?

shellyboo

Smallbit wrote: »

How do I help him get past this?! What do I say that will really boost his ego? Are there magic words, or secret phrases that will convince him that I think he's the best lover I've ever had?

"You're the best lover I've ever had" should do the trick. Huge, massive, MAJOR mistake letting him know he's the smallest you've been with, but it's done now. I'd just keep reassuring him and making sure he knows how much he pleasures you.

zxcvbnm1

ya - a big mistake letting him know that.

For guys, that's something you dont wanna hear AT ALL !

Saying that - i'm sure he'll get over it in time.

seenitall

shellyboo wrote: »

"You're the best lover I've ever had" should do the trick. Huge, massive, MAJOR mistake letting him know he's the smallest you've been with, but it's done now. I'd just keep reassuring him and making sure he knows how much he pleasures you.

So, telling the truth after being specifically asked for it by your OH, is a major mistake in your view? I don't think so. In fact I think it is the only respectful thing to do when someone asks you for an honest answer.

If a man is confident enough to ask you how big/small he is in your experience, he should be confident enough to deal with the answer. It is not OP's fault if he can't do that. He shouldn't have asked her then (he should have had a pretty good idea of what answer was on the way anyway, unless he's led a very sheltered existence in this day and age).

Otherwise, I agree with the "magic words" you advise, shellyboo. I hope they are true too! It shouldn't have come to using the magic words in the first place. The guy is insecure, not your fault, OP.

King Mallie

No wonder that the poor guys confidents is knocked.

Have loads s.x with him and that will help build his confidence and keep telling him that he is great he is at it. Few days and he will be right as rain.

Best of luck:cool:

gavney1

Yeah, you made a huge (pardon the pun) mistake saying that, no matter what.

But you obviously realize it was a stupid thing to do. No point dwelling on your mistake. Need to explain to him that you think he's the best lover ever.

Unfortunately, there's NO quick fix for this. Personally, I don't think you can undo this - he's never going to believe you if you say something like "but it's not that small", damage is done. So, just focus on what you like about him

LegacyUser

seenitall wrote: »

So, telling the truth after being specifically asked for it by your OH, is a major mistake in your view? I don't think so. In fact I think it is the only respectful thing to do when someone asks you for an honest answer.

If a man is confident enough to ask you how big/small he is in your experience, he should be confident enough to deal with the answer. It is not OP's fault if he can't do that. He shouldn't have asked her then (he should have had a pretty good idea of what answer was on the way anyway, unless he's led a very sheltered existence in this day and age).

Otherwise, I agree with the "magic words" you advise, shellyboo. I hope they are true too! It shouldn't have come to using the magic words in the first place. The guy is insecure, not your fault, OP.

Does my bum look big in this?

Do I look fat?

Do you like my boobs?

Etc

You try to answer in the negative, what does it do other than hurt feelings?

White lies hurt no one, especially the ones that really hurt if the answer is not what the person wants to hear.

We all have out little (pun not intended) insecurities, it's no harm if our partner fibs to make us feel better about ourselves

seenitall

Ohcomeon wrote: »

Does my bum look big in this?

Do I look fat?

Do you like my boobs?

Etc

You try to answer in the negative, what does it do other than hurt feelings?

White lies hurt no one, especially the ones that really hurt if the answer is not what the person wants to hear.

We all have out little (pun not intended) insecurities, it's no harm if our partner fibs to make us feel better about ourselves

OK dok,

agree to disagree?

Men's responses on this forum have already opened my eyes to the apparent general need for white lies in the relationship... and they call women the sensitive sex, lol!

Just for the record, no, there wouldn't be any hurt feelings on my part if my OH answered in the negative to me posing him any of your three questions (ok, maybe the boobs one wouldn't go down too well, but it is not really comparable as OP was just stating a fact, not a like/dislike for a part of his body, and it wouldn't be a major problem anyway).

What can I say... perhaps I am a freak of human nature?
I like to call it confidence.