Husbands temper and possible jail time.

LegacyUser

I don't know how to put this but I've been with my husband for about 10 years and I'm getting really bothered about his arguments over little things, he would scream at me about the place not being as he would like it, things not going his way (like running out of money etc) .. we're both in our mid to late 30s.. we've three young children and even if they are in the room he still screams/shouts.

We live in a street where neighbors all hear the yelling and its really embarrassing showing my face in public, knowing that our dirty laundry has been washed within earshot of everyone. He really doesn't hold back on the skank type of language and will even go as far as to say stuff like he's had affairs and need to get a STD test done only afterwards admitting he was winding me up, I sort of lost the plot when he told me this and lashed out at him, he got bruised on the side of his face, but called the guards and put a complaint in against me.. I'm going to get anger management counselling so I know I was wrong there but he really hurt me when he said that.

I actually think he's suffering from depression but I don't know how to get him around to seeing someone about it.. its getting to the stage where we are close to breaking point.

It started to go bad about 4 years ago when my husband admitted stealing money from his employer, things were going fine until one day the guards showed up at our door and brought him in. I didn't suspect anything as he basically covered up things by saying it was his earnings and bonuses - oh yeah and he never had a problem telling me how much of a loser I was on such low salary.

So he could get a custodial sentence in about 6 months ! Its really unreal being in such a sh*tty relationship and having to watch my kids get scared everyday I think sometimes its best if I leave so at least they can have some happiness but then I'll be as good as homeless as we bought our house at the top of the boom and I don't earn enough to pay a mortgage and rent, when he is sentenced and if he does time, it's going to be hard to manage a job/the two properties/kids/car/dogs on my own.

I really need some help here.

Unique User Name

Hi OP. Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about all that you've been through. It sounds as though you've had a really rough time of it. The relationship really doesn't sound like a healthy one and although it seems like you have to keep your husband to survive financially, I don't believe that's enough of a reason to stay married to somebody. As you said yourself its not a good relationshipo and you don't want to see your kids scared everyday until they're old enough toi move out and resent you both.

Have you looked into the type of supports available for single mothers? There's an organisation called womens aid that offer advice and supposrt to women in your situtaion http://www.womensaid.ie. Ultimately though it's up to you to be strong enough to help yourself. I'm sure you can though. Best of luck.

Taltos

Putting the custodial sentence to one side - why are you still with this jerk?

> Look at the effect it is having on your kids
> They may grow up thinking this is a normal/good relationship and mirror it... Do you really want them to have the kind of relationship he has?

Both of you need help for your anger - but right now - if I was one of your kids I know I would come to hate you both with such venom I would be counting the days until I could move out. Ask yourself is this how you want your kids to think of you?

I am not even going to touch on what your neighbours think - but how do you feel? Is this really the type of life and marriage you imagined yourself in?
Either he changes (if he wants to - and why has he not already...) or he walks - even if that means you push his abusive butt out the door...

Abuse does not have to be physical you know - and right now you are in a toxic abusive relationship...

edit: btw you striking him was low - whatever the circumstances... Abuse of any nature - from either party to me is really a sign of the end of a relationship. And whether verbal / mental or physical is just plain wrong. Maybe seek help yourself as now it has been triggered - what will stop you lashing out at someone else / your kids under the right circumstances...

Cheap Thrills!

OP get rid of him.

Think of the kids, think of yourself.