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How will I cope with this one

  • 29-04-2010 6:53pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Firstly I love my husband very much and before people start retelling me my vows I know I married in sickness and in health. My husband isn't really the most healthy person ever, he wasn't when I married him and I felt that these illnesses we've had to face didn't define who we were. However more and more they are taking over our lives as we knew them and I don't know how to cope with it.

    He currently has 2 immune related diseases and is on the verge of a diagnosis with a third one. The second diagnosis was probably the hardest on me (and I think him) as it came out of nowhere. Our world quite literally fell apart after that for a while and it took a year and a half of agressive treatment to get him healthy again (in relative terms as he will live with this disease and the first for the rest of his life).

    This last one wasn't so out of the blue as I had told him to go to the doctor about something he had that was bothering me and he did but little did I expect that I would be looking at yet another lifestyle shift and the possibility of more hospital visits and treatments.

    The results will be in tomorrow and I'm so so scared I won't be able to cope. I'm tired of having to be the strong one and I hope that somehow I will be able to snap myself out of this fear and get on with making him better again. This last one may answer the fact that I'm not getting pregnant and now my dream of being a mother is slipping away. I'm tired and scared and just want to curl up and hide away from this. How do I face tomorrow morning when the waiting is over and we know?


Comments

  • #2
    XarcherX
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 87 ✭✭XarcherX


    You don't sound like "Thebadwife" at all. you sound like an amazingly strong person, you've supported him through so much. You have to let it all out once in a while or you'd go batty... go easy on yourself.
    all i can say is i hope you get the results you want tomorrow & i hope things get better for you both.
    x


  • #3
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    I know this is very hard for you and it must be killing him inside too knowing that he cant be the strong one in the relationship. As a husband I'm sure he feels he should be looking after you and not the other way round. Is there anyone you can talk to?

    My sister has cancer and her husband was a very manly man, as in he never talked to anyone about it. Then his mother and brother got cancer and you could see it had taken his toll on him. So one day i pulled him aside and just told him to talk and tell me how he was coping. He told me everything and thanked me after as he said it was a load off his chest.

    I think it would be a great help to you if you had someone you could talk to about all this and go to them when you're feeling very low. Is there anyone you can think of? Or even a counselor? Anyone, you just need to get it all out.

    Hope things work out for you tomorrow x


  • #4
    dan_d
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,819 ✭✭✭dan_d


    OH OP I feel so sorry for you. I kind of know how you feel, though not as bad. My boyfriend had an operation on his back last year, and it took almost a year to get him almost back to full health.Last week, I was under massive pressure in work, and one morning he got out of bed and I heard a shout - he hurt the other side of his back..and I just wanted to burst into tears.All I could think was I'm not able for this - is this what the rest of my life is going to be like, waiting for the next time his back goes- we've just about got back to normal - we're only 27.And then I felt horrible for thinking like that, because I love him, and I don't want anybody else. Its so,so hard being the strong person, trying to keep things going, both him and you and your lives.
    You have to talk to someone for starters.You can't do all of this on your own. You're not a bad person, you're only human. And you have every right to feel overwhelmed by it. And please, please - I think you need to accept the fact that you might not be able to make him better. You have to help him to live with it, you don't have to solve it.
    It's okay to cry every now and then too you know.It's a form of pressure relief, in small doses. And keep talking to him, and people around you. Maybe you should visit your GP about the pregnancy thing. Tell them everything.
    Hopefully things will improve for you OP. Don't feel bad, it's okay to get overwhelmed. Just don't be afraid to ask for help.


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