Depression/insecurity broke up relationship

bedrock#1

Hi, (sorry for the length)

My girlfriend (call her Meg) of nearly 5 yrs broke up with me on paddy's day and the reason was she couldn't handle my depression and insecurity issues anymore. I've been prone to depression since i was about 14 due serious family issues. My dad is a convicted pedophile (though he denies it I always have doubts) my mother was an alcoholic for many years and has been dry for about 4/5 years now. I was constantly harassed and bullied as a kid but finally started making good friends when i started secondary school. The all the sh1t hit the fan with my dad...

I had a child in my previous relationship which ended because of the same problems i'm having now. My friends deserted me because i could never go out or do anything because of the obvious responsibilities and lack of money children bring. I was constantly afraid that I could be the same as my dad this destroyed me.

5 months after i broke up with the mother of my child i met Meg and we were the best thing ever. But slowly my insecurities and self doubts crept back into my life and our relationship was a struggle for the last 3 years. I've always been too chicken-sh1t to get help and made endless promises to sort myself out. Meg finally snapped because my insecurities lead me to be a control freak, jealous and manipulative.

We broke up because of my problems last august and she took me back in October. Things were great for a while but because i never actually sought help they didn't go away. I have started seeing a counselor and have finally faced my problems. i know having a **** life is no excuse for making another person miserable especially when i love her so much. My son tells me he misses her all the time and i feel i've let him down as well. it's driving me insane.

I asked her would she be able to ever take me back and she says she doesn't know.... she is really hurt. I know making promises to change won't cut it, i'm finally DOING something about it. i want to show her with my actions. i told her i'd disappear from her life for a while and asked could i contact her in a few months and she said to email her first so she'd "be prepared"

Has anyone here ever had depression ruin a relationship? Did it ever work out for you in the end? i'm clutching at anything right now. My college work is going down the drain. I can't sleep. Losing weight.

Sorry for the length of this rant but i'm looking for advice where ever i can find it...

Thanks

LegacyUser

hi OP.

I know what you mean. Iv also had relationships go under for similar reasons.

I would suggest that for now you put the relationship to the back of your mind and work on yourself. Spend time with friends and do things you enjoy. Throw yourself into college and get on top of things there.

Keep on going to the counselling. It really works....and if you find its not try a different counsellor. If you have other passions in your life enjoy them and if you dont find some...take care of your child. In short work on yourself and dont worry too much about "meg"

when your not feeling good and fulfilled in yourself relationships arent the best idea....we use them to fill up holes in ourselves temporarily. And then down the road when uv got things together and are fulfilled in yourself you can look at patching things up with meg. But you may well find you wont even need to and that she will see the change in you and how confident you are and will want to be with you... Good luck OP

bedrock#1

thanks for the reply

loads have looked but not many have touched this post...

that's basically what i intend to do, i suppose i'm looking for that chink of light to hold onto. She is one in a million, one in 3 billion... Never met a more amazing woman in any capacity. Sure she has her flaws but they are squashed by everything else about her. It's boll*x that i let things slide this far. it makes you feel weak as a human being, a sap shall we say. And no woman wants a sap....

thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot

Ickle Magoo

Stop beating yourself up! What else can you do? You are getting the help you need and you trying to face your insecurities and help your depression. It may or may not get Meg back - I hope things works out - but even if they doesn't, getting help and getting better is going to be worth it in the long run for your own personal happiness and self-worth.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

bedrock#1 wrote: »

thanks for the reply

loads have looked but not many have touched this post...

that's basically what i intend to do, i suppose i'm looking for that chink of light to hold onto. She is one in a million, one in 3 billion... Never met a more amazing woman in any capacity. Sure she has her flaws but they are squashed by everything else about her. It's boll*x that i let things slide this far. it makes you feel weak as a human being, a sap shall we say. And no woman wants a sap....

thanks for the encouragement, it means a lot

OP perhaps you might find that chink of light in your son?
I know what you mean, sometimes you need something to hold on to, to give hope, could you resolve to improve yourself for your son?

I know its difficult when you care deeply for someone, but i really wouldnt be focusing on any relationship right now. Your not a sap as you say but it is true that a girl will prefer a guy who is confident in himself rather than crippled with self doubt. The best way to be that strong guy is to focus on yourself for yourself and forgot about your relationship with meg for now.

bedrock#1

i need to be hard on myself. This is just my side of the story. She suffered greatly because of me, i became violent one particular night and i fu*king despise myself for it. It's not something you can forgive, ever. But she managed to... see what i mean about her being one in 3 billion???? I can't figure it out she loved me that much...