I need some advice re relationship

LegacyUser

Okay this is going to be a long one - so apologies in advance.

My girlfriend and I have had a bit of a rough patch recently - there's been a few issues.
We have tried to work through them - and succeeded mostly.
However, there has been talk of moving in together - and right now I am really not sure if that is what I want.

Truth be told I have posted on here a few times about my relationship - I think if I am really honest physically I have always thought there were better looking girls - but she has such a great personality and is so much fun. We generally get on really well - in some ways I feel better than a lot of couples.

Everyone loves her and she is one of the nicest people I know. Sexually things used to really great - although lately our living situation has made it a bit more difficult to enjoy ourselves in that way.

Lately I have found myself very attracted to a girl I work with - a really nice, beautiful girl.
I get the impression that she is attracted to me - but I have a girlfriend - and have made sure the girl in work knows it.

I would never cheat on my girlfriend - but, that said, in my head lately I have cheated with this girl in work many times.....

When I am around this girl I get the butterflies in my stomach, heart beating faster feeling.... I really long to be with her physically - I think part of it is the thrill of someone new and exciting

I feel really guilty and feel like I am cheating on my girlfriend for having these feelings - but am finding it increasinglly difficult to control them.

So what I am trying to figure out is:

My girlfriend - should I break up with her? Surely she deserves to be with someone who doesn't have these feelings about another woman? However, she has had a tough time of it lately in other respects and I feel this would hit her really hard. The thought of doing that to her makes me feel sick.....
Also when I think back on some of the great times we've had together - it's upsetting to think of breaking up with someone you've shared so much with.

If I stay with my girlfriend, how can I stop these feelings?? I know that most red-blooded males will look at other girls and feel some attraction to them - but I seem to do so more than most - or seem to have a lot of difficulty controlling it..... That said, no one would know I what I am going through so maybe there's lots of guys in the same boat....

This girl in work - should I pursue it? I know that relationships with someone you are working with can be fraught with difficulties. Also I think I might be the kind of guy who gets bored of relationships - I like the early flushes of excitement. I don't know if I want to be going through this in a couple of years about this other girl

Help me please - I'm going kinda crazy!!!!

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

It sounds to me like you don't know what you want.

On one hand you ask if you should end it with your girlfriend and on the other hand you're asking if you should pursue this other girl.

The answer is: We can't tell you what to do here. We don't know the ins and outs of your relationship with your girlfriend apart from you are going through a rough patch.

Most couples go through good and bad phases. One thing however, did strike me about your post: Not once did you say "I love my girlfriend." That, to me, speaks volumes in itself.

I don't think you can truly love your girlfriend if you are questioning your intentions towards this other woman. If you feel like it's cheating in your head then it probably is imo.

Personally, to me it seems like you are only with your girlfriend out of familiarity and you don't want to upset her by breaking up with her. I think if you are thinking about this other woman more than your girlfriend then she is more important to you.

Only you can answer these questions.

CR

King Mallie

Hi OP,

If you were really into your current G/F then would would not need me to tell you that she is the one the one for you.

I think that you should let her down gently and if your heart desires this other girl then go for it. Cos your already half there from what I read on your post.

Best of luck in what ever you decided. Above is just my oponion, hope it is some help.

Darlughda

Years can go by with the situation you are in right now, and as time goes by it will be harder to make a clean break. Sounds like you are great mates, and you know this is not a proper relationship.

Can you find the courage and determination to bring this to an end?

It will be very hard for her, and I don't have solutions as to how you will resist going back because of the emotional pull, but the inevitable outcome is not good. It could end up desperately messy down the line.

If you want to keep this woman in your life, but not as your girlfriend, end it now and let yourself be with other people and be firm about your decision.

Denimgirl

FeelingConfused wrote: »

Okay this is going to be a long one - so apologies in advance.

My girlfriend and I have had a bit of a rough patch recently - there's been a few issues.
We have tried to work through them - and succeeded mostly.
However, there has been talk of moving in together - and right now I am really not sure if that is what I want.

Truth be told I have posted on here a few times about my relationship - I think if I am really honest physically I have always thought there were better looking girls - but she has such a great personality and is so much fun. We generally get on really well - in some ways I feel better than a lot of couples.

Everyone loves her and she is one of the nicest people I know. Sexually things used to really great - although lately our living situation has made it a bit more difficult to enjoy ourselves in that way.

Lately I have found myself very attracted to a girl I work with - a really nice, beautiful girl.
I get the impression that she is attracted to me - but I have a girlfriend - and have made sure the girl in work knows it.

I would never cheat on my girlfriend - but, that said, in my head lately I have cheated with this girl in work many times.....

When I am around this girl I get the butterflies in my stomach, heart beating faster feeling.... I really long to be with her physically - I think part of it is the thrill of someone new and exciting

I feel really guilty and feel like I am cheating on my girlfriend for having these feelings - but am finding it increasinglly difficult to control them.

So what I am trying to figure out is:

My girlfriend - should I break up with her? Surely she deserves to be with someone who doesn't have these feelings about another woman? However, she has had a tough time of it lately in other respects and I feel this would hit her really hard. The thought of doing that to her makes me feel sick.....
Also when I think back on some of the great times we've had together - it's upsetting to think of breaking up with someone you've shared so much with.

If I stay with my girlfriend, how can I stop these feelings?? I know that most red-blooded males will look at other girls and feel some attraction to them - but I seem to do so more than most - or seem to have a lot of difficulty controlling it..... That said, no one would know I what I am going through so maybe there's lots of guys in the same boat....

This girl in work - should I pursue it? I know that relationships with someone you are working with can be fraught with difficulties. Also I think I might be the kind of guy who gets bored of relationships - I like the early flushes of excitement. I don't know if I want to be going through this in a couple of years about this other girl

Help me please - I'm going kinda crazy!!!!

I think you want someone to tell you to go ahead a break up with your girl and go for the other girl coz from your post you come acroos like this.you are s exually attracted to thos girl how do you know it's not just lust?and what if yoiu get with the new girl and she dumps you?your being very shallow when saying your girl is not that good looking.looks fade,it only starts an attraction to someone after that there has to be more than looks!personally i think you are scared to make a commitment to move in together and thats OK.let your girl know this say you want to wait a whil your not ready yet and enjoy eachother.i worked with my ex boyfriend (hence ex) I met him in work great for the first few months then after that it was hell we were together 24/7 and i had to end funnily enough he left his girl friend to ask me out! so there you go!