Man not enjoying sex that much?

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if this is to do with sex drive, predominantly having sex after having a few, or something else. I've had two big relationships in my life and outside of that have slept with about 10 or 11 other women. 22 years old btw.

For a while, but more recently (in the last 9 months or so) I've found it hard sometimes to enjoy sex. Two occasions of actually losing the ability to (if you know what I mean) that have happened while drunk, two more that happened during the night when I was half asleep. I faked an orgasm on the last two. Just to be able to turn over and go asleep. Sounds funny but there you go. I was with a girl for three months out of this period, and once with her I just stopped because I knew it was going to take ages (if at all) for me to finish, this was in the morning. She wasn't happy about it at all. They have all felt the same; that I wasn't getting much enjoyment/feeling out of it and knew nothing was going to happen or finish from my part.

Most of these have been the second or third time having sex in the same night or whatever, apart from twice where I'd be fairly sure it was not happening due to how drunk I was.

Now these are the few times it's happened out of a few hundred times having sex so it's not blighting me or anything, just something I've thought about a bit recently.

Is it common for men to go through this? I've maybe kind of felt myself go through peaks and troughs with my sex drive too, when it happened with the girl mentioned above for three months, a few weeks later I couldn't have been more attracted or want to had sex with her more. I've noticed these ups and downs in general too - kind of related to the more I drink the less energy I have for it that night or the next day etc.

I've just never heard of it, men are supposed to always want sex etc. but for me, always enjoy it the first time, but the second or third time it might not happen, and the problem seems to be getting aroused enough from sex. I don't enjoy it really - when these cases happen - and just look for it to be over so I can be glad I did finish and not have the embarrassment of not doing so. The first time is always great and never any worries there though..hopefully this won't change in the future. This is what kind of worries me; is it going to keep happening and increase in regularity until I can't have sex at all

Guys and girls with experience, anything to worry about or is this something that happens everyone but we don't talk about?

Frei

It is very normal for guys to go through phases like this, it just isn't talked about very much. Men are "supposed" to want sex all the time and be ready at the drop of a hat. Which is not true for a lot of people. Just like the stereotype of women not liking sex as much as men, women who have a high sex drive are seen as "nymphomaniacs". All these stereotypes end up making people feel like they are not normal, when in reality everyone is different. Everyone goes through times when they don't feel like having sex, there is nothing wrong with that. Just like women, men's sex drives can be affected by mood, diet or general health. The fact that you are worrying about this, thinking that something is wrong with you is probably making you anxious and adding to the problem. I know that even mild depression can sometimes lead to having a lack of interest in sex or making it harder to become aroused.

MagicSean

Could be a problem with your testosterone levels. Could also be a lack of vitamins in your diet. Go to your GP and get a full blood test. You should get the results in a few days. Might need nothing more than a Vitamin B shot.

miec

I've just never heard of it, men are supposed to always want sex

Hi Op

There are two myths that I would like to see destroyed:
1) Men want sex all the time at the drop of a hat and they always enjoy it.
2) Women are not as sexual as men.

These two bloody myths cause more harm, confusion and pure mind fnck than anything else. When I was reading your post I thought to myself what is his worry, he has a normal to high sex drive. Having had a number of men in the past I can tell you that most if not all men lose interest either half way or just at the beginning. It is caused by nerves, anxiety, drink, stress of tiredness.

Women need to realise that men are not sexual robots and neither are we.

I would urge you strongly not to have sex when you don't feel like it. It is fairer and more honest to say I feel tired or I don't feel like having sex. You are forcing your body into a situation it doesn't want. Would you expect a girl to have sex with you when she doesn't want to. This may also explain why the women get funny with you, it may be that they sense you don't feel like having sex, and if they demand you have sex, then say the above in a friendly way.

There are plenty of men who have very low sex drives, some who only want sex once a week, once a fortnight or longer for a variety of reasons, but you are not in that category but if you find yourself in that situation then get it looked at (diet, low testerone, stress levels, diet, etc).

G-Money

I'm a guy and sometimes my sex drive/hornyness is greater than others. It's true that the myth is that men want sex all the time and are ready to go at the drop of a hat. I think some women believe that theory and then can be annoyed when the guy isn't in the mood for whatever reason.

I don't worry about it too much. If one partner isn't in the mood for sex, the other shouldn't be putting the pressure on and making them feel bad about it.

Auldloon

OP I am quiet a bit older than you and take it from me there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your responses will be different depending on loads of things eg mood, tiredness, stress, situation, partner, etc, etc.

Overheal

Is it common for men to go through this?

Well, afaik, its uncommon to have as many sexual partners as you have had (lucky). A Healthy demographic at our age are still virgins, even. Perhaps you've grown bored of sex on a subconsious level?

On a side note, have you been tested?

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

Well, afaik, its uncommon to have as many sexual partners as you have had (lucky). A Healthy demographic at our age are still virgins, even. Perhaps you've grown bored of sex on a subconsious level?

On a side note, have you been tested?

Cheers for the replies.

I haven't been tested, but nothing untoward has happened. Condoms every time.

You make an interesting point about being bored of sex on a subconscious level. Bored of sex with someone I'm in love with or really attracted to? God no, not at all. Bored of sex with people I'm not that interested in having sex with, especially felt a few times after we've had sex? Perhaps. Or maybe my standards are too high!

The feedback has made me feel better. As I said it's not blighting me, but on my mind enough that I wanted to see about it.

cafecolour

It's happened to me several times - often when I'm not that into the person I'm sleeping with. Ie if I'm out for the night, have the opportunity to pull, and think 'they aren't bad, why not' instead of 'yeah, I really want this.' I've just started becoming pickier.

And yes, I definitely go through peaks and troughs as well. It might be in the same week, in mind be across 2 months.

Ickle Magoo

ceiling wrote: »

Most of these have been the second or third time having sex in the same night or whatever, apart from twice where I'd be fairly sure it was not happening due to how drunk I was.

So after having sex twice or three times, you didn't really want it again and the other times you were too drunk? I don't think that is at all unusual. It's nice to have a bit of a break between bouts, not to mention get some sleep. Why not just have sex the once and go again in the morning when you are recovered and less drunk?