Friend wants to approach shop girl - best method debate?

LegacyUser

Hi,

My housemate and I live near a Spar. Basically as we are your standard student types we are in and out of it about 2 or 3 times daily. A good looking girl has started working there about a month ago and my friend likes her and we were talking over a few beers about the best way to approach her. Basically we've discussed three separate ways to go about this and have decided to look for outside advice!

1. I go in on his behalf (he's shy) and just say my mate likes you, would you like his number? This is assuming she would know who I'm talking about from a brief description and association because we are in there regularly!

2. We go in at the same time casually and I start making fun of him in front of her about the fact he likes her. Nice and casual, lets her know he likes her, breaks the ice, third person means there's less pressure on the two. He goes back later apologizing etc. and tries to take things from there.

3. He approaches her himself when she's working and basically calls a spade a spade.

Anyone who's been in similar situations or has general advice about the whole thing would be much appreciated! This is not a general thread looking for women advice, he's going for it no matter what just wondering what's the best option consensus!

Cheers

zxcvbnm1

ok - firstly this is gonna be a long shot by any standards.

saying that, what has he got to lose other than he probably can never go to that spar shop again.

My advice would be if he asks her straight out, she will eb shocked and nearly definitely say no due to the shock.

I think if he could build up a slight rapport with her first. Nothing mad - maybe have 2 or 3 sperate copnversations with her over a few days or something.

Then maybe ask her out after that.

Saying that, he doesn't want to be spending weeks building this rapport.
Over 3 or 4 days should be plenty.

I certainly wouldn't go with you teasing him in front of her. yee will both look like kids.
and u asking on his behalf isn't great either.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

i reckon anything that happens he has to do himself, it'll only look stupid and childish otherwise

epgc3fyqirnbsx

Yeah you do need a rapport. But I'd give it a week, start now. Then come weekend you could casually ask if she's doing anything exciting. Might give you an idea what she's into or if there's a boyfriend (!).
Then can inquire how the weekend went next week. Thats a fairly decent rapport at that stage, he could then ask her if she wanted to do something or go somewhere the following weekend

unclecessna

It's simple, your friend goes into the shop when it's fairly quiet and she is there and chats with her a bit to feel out whether she looks interested or not - if she is he asks her to meet up when she is finished for a drink either then and there or during a later visit when a rapport has been established.

This will also help him to get over his shyness in the longer term whether she says yes or no so it's a good exercise for him.

In my opinion the other approaches that you mentioned would probably come off as contrived or a bit weird to the girl so I wouldn't recommend them.

On a final note over analyzing is about the worst thing you can do when it comes to approaching women so all this probably isn't helping!

Victor

First off, does she know he exists?

tman

Just get your friend to go for it... I never worked up the balls to ask out the cute shop girl (in my local spar, funnily enough) and spent years regretting it.
Will require a bit of tact, but blurting out "will you go out with me" might work if she's interested, and that's all his shyness allows.

I wouldn't consider you doing it for him to be an option unless you're both 12...

GirlatdRockShow

definitely don't do option 1 and 2

Firetrap

Definitely don't do 1, 3 or3. 1 or 2 will make you look like 12 year old schoolboys. Though your cunning plans did make me laugh I'm not sure just asking her out straight out of the blue will work well either. I remember back when I was in my early 20s, I was browsing in a bookshop minding my own business and a French guy came over and asked me out. I was mildly freaked out and muttered something about meeting my boyfriend in a few minutes :eek:

No, it would be better for your friend to get chatting to her in the shop and take it from there. He would also want to ascertain if she's already got a boyfriend before he makes a move

Overheal

make a business card and have him slide it over to her and walk away mouthing "call me"

Honestly though I would have him go make small talk with other cashiers in other stores to get comfortable with the scenario at the platonic level; then go make small talk with her. They'll hit it off from there if they both like eachother.

vicecreamsundae

i think he should go in one day buying whatever, milk and bread or whatnot, but then also buy two bars of chocolate, and after she hands him his change, just slide one of the bars back over the counter to her and grin and walk out.

that would be supercute.

actually im so doing this next time there's a cute boy working in spar...

oh yeah .. he'd still have to ask her out but i think thats the best ice breaker,after that she'lk know he likes her, so the next time he goes in and makes chitchat, if she's being cold he'll know she doesn't like him and if shes being friendly/flirty she prob does.

Zaph

OK folks, I've deleted a load of posts, sensible replies only from now on or I'll start handing out infractions. This is PI, not the playground.

waffleman

I apologise for trying to lighten the mood with some sociable helicoptering. The OP trying to arrange a date with a lady is a LIFE OR DEATH personal issue after all.

You: "you must be Jamaican"
Her: "what makes you say that?"
You: "because you're Jamaican me crazy baby!"

Putty...in...your...hands

LegacyUser

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

i think he should go in one day buying whatever, milk and bread or whatnot, but then also buy two bars of chocolate, and after she hands him his change, just slide one of the bars back over the counter to her and grin and walk out.

that would be supercute.

I think this is a brill suggestion and would definately catch my attention! Different and not too cheesy!

rannerap

i was in this situation only i was the girl:)was working in a spar and a guy used to come in occasionally,he chatted to me once or twice then he came in one day and just gave me his number,i thought it was sweet and called him,i think your friend would be much much better off just going in and giving her his number,the courage of a guy having the guts to do it is a major turn on and would be much more likely to get a result from the girl!

Zaph

waffleman wrote: »

I apologise for trying to lighten the mood with some sociable helicoptering. The OP trying to arrange a date with a lady is a LIFE OR DEATH personal issue after all.

You: "you must be Jamaican"
Her: "what makes you say that?"
You: "because you're Jamaican me crazy baby!"

Putty...in...your...hands

I post an instruction, you post that immediately after it. I really despair sometimes. Consider yourself lucky it's only a warning.

Lord Nikon

Okay, go with me on this.

Honestly, what is your friend out of 10, then what is she out of 10. Physical attraction plays an important part in this.

What's her English like? If it's not so good, ie perhaps a foreign national, a few words from him might mean nothing to her at all, and he will get a clueless look back.

Just some thoughts.

G-Money

Some of the advice here is good and I hope it works out although I agree with a previous poster in that it's probably a long shot. But at the end of the day, it's worth taking a chance. It's not like he works with her or something and has to face her if she says no. Although he might want to find another Spar if she does say no

LegacyUser

if it was me and I was the shop girl I would advise this...try and get chatting to the girl a bit each time you go into the shop and see if she's welcome to your conversations. If she is that's a good sign, she's friendly etc. Maybe ask her her name the next time and tell her yours...just keep it very casual, . Eventually I would say to her maybe we could get a coffee sometime if you like....she can say 1. sorry i have a boyfriend, 2. sure that would be nice or 3. no thanks. at least you would have tried hey? but you might want to find another spar afterwards if its a No. I'm sure she will be at least flattered by your offer. Whatever you do don't get your friend to ask on your behalf and don't start messing with your friend in front of her to get her attention, that will just come accross immature. Us girls want to know that you have the confidence to do these things yourself!

dearly123

unclecessna wrote: »

It's simple, your friend goes into the shop when it's fairly quiet and she is there and chats with her a bit to feel out whether she looks interested or not - if she is he asks her to meet up when she is finished for a drink either then and there or during a later visit when a rapport has been established.

This will also help him to get over his shyness in the longer term whether she says yes or no so it's a good exercise for him.

In my opinion the other approaches that you mentioned would probably come off as contrived or a bit weird to the girl so I wouldn't recommend them.

On a final note over analyzing is about the worst thing you can do when it comes to approaching women so all this probably isn't helping!

If they are already going out and dating... most likely, a relationship has already developed

seenitall

dearly123 wrote: »

If they are already going out and dating... most likely, a relationship has already developed

Huh?? Have I missed something on this thread?

LegacyUser

I think you should leave her alone it's her place of work, not a night club.

Hazys

bird89 wrote: »

I think you should leave her alone it's her place of work, not a night club.

If you are only allow meet people in a nightclubs thats pretty sad.

She works as in a supermarket where i dont think they'll be too strict on Employee Customer relations. Its no harm chatting with her a few times and if it goes well, asking her out. Although probably best asking her out and talking to her when your the only person in the Q and there is no supervisor behind her, just makes her and you more comfortable.

I dont think it should stop you from going back if she says no tho, it might be awkward the one or two times you first go back but you never know she may changed her mind down the line