Boyfriend's unhealthy obsession

LegacyUser

I'll keep this short but i think my boyfriend has an unhealthy obsession with porn, while i've always never cared if he looked at it, over the last few months i fear he has become increasly dependent on it.

He hasn't touched me in months and when i try to initiate it i get brushed off,the sad fact is i have been replaced by these porn stars and i am at a loss as to know what to do about it?

Taltos

help me 24 wrote: »

He hasn't touched me in months and when i try to initiate it i get brushed off,the sad fact is i have been replaced by these porn stars and i am at a loss as to know what to do about it?

I think only one thing will get through to him.
Sit him down and clearly explain why you are ending it with him.
If he prefers to spend his time with porn instead of with you - then why are you still there - go find a guy who puts you first - ahead of everything else.

Miss Fluff

help me 24 wrote: »

He hasn't touched me in months and when i try to initiate it i get brushed off

Dump him and let him **** to his heart's content. Having an interest in porn is pefectly natural and normal but it should merely enhance your sex life rather than kill it stone dead. Move on girl....

Des Carter

I don't buy it. no guy would choose porn over actual sex over a period of a few months. sounds like there is a bigger problem.
Any other problems in the relationship?
could he be meeting other women online and meeting up with them etc?
Cause even if he was addicted to porn I cant see why he wouldnt have sex.

force majeure

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Dump him and let him **** to his heart's content. Having an interest in porn is pefectly natural and normal but it should merely enhance your sex life rather than kill it stone dead. Move on girl....

As advice goes.......

LegacyUser

Des Carter wrote: »

I don't buy it. no guy would choose porn over actual sex over a period of a few months. sounds like there is a bigger problem.
Any other problems in the relationship?
could he be meeting other women online and meeting up with them etc?
Cause even if he was addicted to porn I cant see why he wouldnt have sex.

Well we don't have any major problems except this one. I very much doubt he is seeing other women as he is at home all day as he has no job. Thanks to everyone for the advice.

delly

help me 24 wrote: »

Well we don't have any major problems except this one. I very much doubt he is seeing other women as he is at home all day as he has no job. Thanks to everyone for the advice.

Was his job loss recent, as in the last few months? This could be an underlying reason if so.

LegacyUser

delly wrote: »

Was his job loss recent, as in the last few months? This could be an underlying reason if so.

No he is out of work for over a year now.

Taltos

OP

you really then have a few choices - but most involve talking to him.

1. Just accept this behaviour... (not my choice)
2. Walk
3. Talk to him and help him recognize this addiction is changing how you feel and he has a real risk of losing you.

He might be suffering from depression - or just sheer boredom - but why not get off his ass and do something else? Job, volunteer, anything...

Personally I would go for 3 - but would make it clear that the end of the rope is quickly slipping thru your fingers...

Peggypeg

Des Carter wrote: »

I don't buy it. no guy would choose porn over actual sex over a period of a few months. sounds like there is a bigger problem.... Cause even if he was addicted to porn I cant see why he wouldnt have sex.

Actually you're very wrong there. An addiction to porn can result in Penile Dysfunction, it's because you get so used to extreme pornographic images that ordinary sex won't even give you a boner.

Hey OP,

If you love him try and get him to go to Sex Addicts Anonymous. To be honest with you I would just walk away from this. Sex addiction is as serious and distructive as alcohol or drug addiction. He will need to want to get better and only he can do it and it'll take alot of work. As it seems that he doesn't even realise he has a problem it sounds like a huge uphill battle, unless you're head over heels and he's worth it I would just walk away from it. Have a look on google, there is tonnes of information on this.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

The best of luck.

Jake LeMotta

Peggypeg wrote: »

Actually you're very wrong there. An addiction to porn can result in Penile Dysfunction, it's because you get so used to extreme pornographic images that ordinary sex won't even give you a boner.

Hey OP,

If you love him try and get him to go to Sex Addicts Anonymous. To be honest with you I would just walk away from this. Sex addiction is as serious and distructive as alcohol or drug addiction. He will need to want to get better and only he can do it and it'll take alot of work. As it seems that he doesn't even realise he has a problem it sounds like a huge uphill battle, unless you're head over heels and he's worth it I would just walk away from it. Have a look on google, there is tonnes of information on this.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

The best of luck.

Just happened across this thread.
I actually heard about that as well.

It manifests itself when the male looses sight of what reality and what's fantasy. (Probably being sat about the house all day on the computer doesn't help this situation)
I remember seeing a program on telly about it.

There was an anonymous character featured that described exactly your situation. How he would fail to become aroused by situations that didn't mimic the extreme nature of what he was watching.
What he actually tried to do was get his partner to replicate them type of scenarios with him as this was the only way at the time he could become aroused.

Just my tupence worth but getting out and about and perhaps a bit of therapy might be enough to alleviate the situation.

Stimulating the motivation to do this however may be problematic.

If he gets lonely - well, they say pain is a great motivator, that might act as the metaphorical "kick up the arse"...

shellyboo

PeggyPeg, he's not having sex so I don't see how he has a sex addiction. I really don't like how any "bad" male sexual behaviour is classed as sex addiction nowadays, it's ridiculous.

OP, a couple of questions. Has his porn consumption increased recently or is it just that he doesn't want sex, but still watches porn?

How do you know he's watching more porn now than before?

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to have sex with you?

Peggypeg

shellyboo wrote: »

PeggyPeg, he's not having sex so I don't see how he has a sex addiction. I really don't like how any "bad" male sexual behaviour is classed as sex addiction nowadays, it's ridiculous.

Shellyboo, Maybe read up on it? According to the experts, this is a type of sex addiction. You might find that ridiculous but that's hardly helpful or insightful.

OP,
I would honestly read up on this and research it if I were you. There are some very good books on the subject.

As you can see from the posts above everyone is going to have different opinions on this, which is completely useless to you. They're just opinions, the people here are not trained in this area, the advice you get here will be useless at best, at worst it'll be damaging.

I really hope you get some reliable advice or do some decent research on this because to be honest if you don't I really don't think you'll have any idea how big a problem this can be and what you're letting yourself in for.

Best of luck.

WesternNight

help me 24 wrote: »

No he is out of work for over a year now.

How does he feel about that? Is it getting him down? If someone wants to have a job and is unable to get one it can do terrible things to self-esteem and general feelings of wellbeing. Is it possible that has something to do with it?

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

PeggyPeg, he's not having sex so I don't see how he has a sex addiction. I really don't like how any "bad" male sexual behaviour is classed as sex addiction nowadays, it's ridiculous.

OP, a couple of questions. Has his porn consumption increased recently or is it just that he doesn't want sex, but still watches porn?

How do you know he's watching more porn now than before?

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to have sex with you?

Yes it has increased over the last few months especially,he doesnt seem to want sex with me but he still watches porn.
I know because he openly watches it when i'm in the room as i've said before i never minded him watching it.He could watch it for hours on end which he never did before.

When i asked why he doesn't want to have sex with me he just says he's not in the mood and makes light of the issue as if i'm some sort of mad woman.