Got a drunken txt

LegacyUser

went for a coffee with a guy much younger than me met on net.

and i clearly expressed that i did not want any relationship with a guy younger than me before we met. i'm looking for friendship really.

met the guy, tbh, he's quite good looking and if he's around the same age as me, i would probably fall for me. but, he's far far too young and also he has just out from a relationship. i would not accept that age gap anyway.

we had some small talks and that's it. to my surprise, once i left he txted complimenting me saying i'm gorgeous and hot. i told him he looks great but stated clearlyand the last txt i got is a drunken txt from him simply saying this is a drunken txt.

was he testing me see whether i would go for something casual with him that night?

the reason i ask 'cos im from other place and culture where things are different. i am curious abt guys' thoughts. also, to be honest, i want to be friends with him and thinking to txt him asking how he is. but if he has someone agenda behind him, maybe it's better for me to stay away from him.

any thoughts? thanks in advance anyway.

Smallbit

So you met a much younger guy for coffee, with whom you had no intention of hooking up, and the initial contact was via the internet?

What exactly was your intention? Did you actually want to find a much younger male platonic friend?

In any case, you're sending confusing signals. The guy clearly thought it was cougar time, and you wasted his time!

Kiera

Did he say he wants a relstionship with you or is he fine with just being friends?

seamus

DTTTTTDTT wrote: »

i want to be friends with him and thinking to txt him asking how he is. but if he has someone agenda behind him, maybe it's better for me to stay away from him.

He's male, he's single and he finds you attractive.

Therefore, there will always be an agenda. If you start texting him, then he will assume that there is some form of door open for him and he will almost always be focussing on the endgame of getting you into bed.

Now, he may eventually get the idea that in fact it's never going to happen, but considering the circumstances under which you've met, you'll probably have to work to get him into the "friend zone", as there is probably an assumption on his part that you were initially looking to hook up.

From your comment about culture, I'm suspecting that you're foreign and just looking to make some friends here. While the internet can be used for that, you're unlikely to make any young male friends in that way, as the majority are there to score.
As a female, the best way of making male friends is through work, college or your other female friends. That way there's no pretext or assumptions on anyone's part.
The best way of making female friends is again through work, college or clubs.

TL;DR: Yes, you can be "just friends" with him, but even if you tell him this, he's going to assume for a long time that you're playing some form of game and you'll be fighting his advances for months.

gavney1

Hey OP,

He obviously doesn't want just friendship. So, don't let him get that impression

To re-iterate what SmallBit said, when you meet someone on the net of the opposite sex and meet them for a coffee, that's called a "date" in most people's books. He probably thought that he still had a chance, even though you said you weren't interested

He's either hoping that you'll go out with him or that you'll at least be up for a one night stand - and I get the impression you want neither

Remember - actions speak louder than words - you told him that you didn't want to have any relationship with him - but yet you went for coffee with him?!!!! Very mixed signals.

It's possible for men and women to have platonic relationships but not when one finds the other "gorgeous and hot"

Miss Fluff

You're being a pr1ck tease. If you're not interested in him, why did you engage him in the first place? As an ego boost? For the attention? Don't meet someone off a dating website who finds you attractive and then tell them you have no intention of dating them.....red rag to a bull imo.

LegacyUser

hi, all, tks for the comments.

i did not meet him on dating web site, it's just a usual forum, say, like, boards.ie.

i am looking for friendship as i am a foreigner here, hope you understand i am not having any ego boost or being a p__k tease something like that.

and he msged me over a thread i started (over something not directly related to my thread) and we swapped number. over the msg on net or txts BEFORE we met, i drew the line clearly that i had no intentions to take anything further and that i agreed to meet because i like meeting people (and jokingly asked him to introduce guys around my age). and he said he got wt i mean and he has no intentions too.

if u r a foreigner in a new place with just yourself, u would be more eagered to meet new people and building new relationship. good if something nice comes out of it, also good if not but friendship.

is it really a DATE?! it's not a date from my point of view 'cos i made it clearly first of all and also it's too casual. we arranged the actual time and place to meet just 30 minutes before we really met. a date is to dress up a little bit for something a little bit nicer than a cup of coffee. this is just a way of meeting people.

but as i said, maybe i dont know the Irish culture and this is a date for Irish lads even under the circumstances that i mentioned above, although he said he knows what i meant.

he did txt after we met that let's be friends. but then got the drunken txt. i dont know whether guys would send drunken txt to friends or would the drunken txt a sign for me to be cautious if i dont want anything, either sexually or romantically, from him.

so, no, no friendship with this lad, right?

gavney1

DTTTTTDTT wrote: »

hi, all, tks for the comments.

i did not meet him on dating web site, it's just a usual forum, say, like, boards.ie.

i am looking for friendship as i am a foreigner here, hope you understand i am not having any ego boost or being a p__k tease something like that.

and he msged me over a thread i started (over something not directly related to my thread) and we swapped number. over the msg on net or txts BEFORE we met, i drew the line clearly that i had no intentions to take anything further and that i agreed to meet because i like meeting people (and jokingly asked him to introduce guys around my age). and he said he got wt i mean and he has no intentions too.

if u r a foreigner in a new place with just yourself, u would be more eagered to meet new people and building new relationship. good if something nice comes out of it, also good if not but friendship.

is it really a DATE?! it's not a date from my point of view 'cos i made it clearly first of all and also it's too casual. we arranged the actual time and place to meet just 30 minutes before we really met. a date is to dress up a little bit for something a little bit nicer than a cup of coffee. this is just a way of meeting people.

but as i said, maybe i dont know the Irish culture and this is a date for Irish lads even under the circumstances that i mentioned above, although he said he knows what i meant.

he did txt after we met that let's be friends. but then got the drunken txt. i dont know whether guys would send drunken txt to friends or would the drunken txt a sign for me to be cautious if i dont want anything, either sexually or romantically, from him.

so, no, no friendship with this lad, right?

Ok, fair enough. Maybe you were naive more than being a p__k tease

But, yes, you have to understand that it's probably a bad idea to see this guy anymore. Sure, you've told him that you only want to be friends, and he's "agreed" to this. But, when he sends you messages telling you you're hot, he obviously still wants more. So, he's saying one thing, but secretly hoping you'll change your mind.

Yes, I really do think that he would interpret it as a date (as would I and every single one of my male friends). Guys generally don't want to meet up with random women who they find "hot" just to be friends.

I know friends who have been in similar situations. Boy meets girl. Girl says she only wants to be friends, boy agrees. But boy secretly hopes to persuade girl to like him. It's a common occurrence

LegacyUser

Heh. I'm only recovering having being played with by a girl much older than me. Lead me on then say the age gap is too big. Watch what you're playing at, it hurts believe it or not.