How to encourage weight loss?

Angeles

Hi all, i'm looking for advice to help my girlfriend lose weight!
I obviously can't just say "look i think your getting to fat and want you to lose weight" or can i?
I'm in my mid 20's and she's in her late 20's, we've being going out for over a year and she was well rounded when we met, but over the last few months has become more so then before.
Its starting to bother me, like she doesn't seem to care...

Ever since we moved togeather i've giving as many subtle hints as i can, like cooking more veggy's and providing more fruit even sugesting to go out alot more for walks or exorcise with me, but its never enough, instead of losing she seems to gain.

I just don't understand it nor know what i can do about it, i love her dearly as i know she does me and am very attracted to her but i find myself wondering if its me doing something wrong?

Its also alittle harder for me to understand how difficult it might be for her as i don't actully put on weight myself "yet" as i'm lucky enough to have a really high metabolism.

Any advise would be really appreciated.

vicecreamsundae

i think this issue of people trying to get their significant others to lose weight, whether explicitly or more subtly, is really sketch and often the conclusions people come to border on emotional abuse.

my view on it would be this -her body is her body, you have no ownership over that, and for you to try to influence her to change her body to make you more attracted to her is wrong. if she has a problem with her body or weight or health, let her decide that and let her decide if and when she wants to work on it.

if you have a problem with her body or weight, either suck it up, or move on. her body does not exist to please you.

i know lots of people feel that when in a relationship it's necessary to keep in shape for your partner. i think if people are into their fitness then good for them, but if you feel you have to go to the gym three times a week just to keep your partner interested, then it's all a bit superficial.
people do change over their lifetime, people put on pounds and lose pounds. accept it.

gavney1

Well OP, everyone will react differently to this

But, I would definitely suggest saying it to her - but how you say it is crucial. I would suggest asking her if you think that YOU have a nice body - maybe she thinks you could lose some weight? Or tone up.

Or maybe she'd prefer you to dress better?

gavney1

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

if you have a problem with her body or weight, either suck it up, or move on. her body does not exist to please you.

i know lots of people feel that when in a relationship it's necessary to keep in shape for your partner. i think if people are into their fitness then good for them, but if you feel you have to go to the gym three times a week just to keep your partner interested, then it's all a bit superficial.
people do change over their lifetime, people put on pounds and lose pounds. accept it.

But physical attraction makes up a large part of a relationship.

Like, personally anytime I've been in love with a girl, I've made an extra special effort to keep myself trim and dress well. It seems like a natural reaction. It's when I'm single that I tend to let myself go a bit, as I'm not trying to look good for my partner.

I understand that it's not all that simple - some people have higher metabolisms OR some people have hectic jobs OR it's hard to keep weight off after having children etc....

But the effort in itself is attractive.

And I think it's unfair to guilt-trip someone for wanting their BF/GF to take care of themselves better. Like, if the OP loses sexual attraction for his GF, she could end up being one of the countless people who posts on this forum wondering "why has my bf/gf lost his/her sex-drive, does he not find me attractive anymore?".

The OP clearly isn't shallow - he clearly loves his GF and is wary of not hurting her feelings.

Personally if there was something my GF disliked about my appearance - e.g. she thought I was getting a bit fat/ too skinny/ didn't like my hairstyle/ clothes, I'd WANT to know as I'd want her to be as attracted to me as possible. Not everyone is like that though, admittedly

Eve_Dublin

I can't see how anything good can come of confronting your girlfriend about this issue. Too sensitive an issue for a hell of a lot of women and as the first poster said, it's her body and her choice. You either let her go or put up with it.

Miss Fluff

There was a whole other thread on this recently. If you find her less attractive/are worried about her health then yes, you should say it to her, but you have to tread VERY very carefully and be sensitive in how you approach it.

gavney1

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I can't see how anything good can come of confronting your girlfriend about this issue. Too sensitive an issue for a hell of a lot of women and as the first poster said, it's her body and her choice. You either let her go or put up with it.

He could become more attracted to her? They could have a more open and honest relationship? They could have a better sex life? She could be healthier and feel better about herself? They could both become healthier?

dsmythy

You say you're still attracted to her now so I don't see the problem? Unless you fear she will continue to gain weight and you may be worried about whether this will change?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

That is a very tricky situation. If you were the girl it would be much simpler to be honest. A guy (in my experience) doesn't really get upset when they're told they could loose a few pounds but girls, seriously, what a can of worms. Unless it's seriously threatening your relationship or her health I would say nothing, believe me if you've noticed the weight gain she has too. I know I would be really hurt if my bf told me to lose weight. I know it would be a REALLY long time before I would be able to be naked again in front of him. If I were you I'd leave it alone, really, is her weight more importanct than her confidence, self esteem and confidence in your love?

Best of luck.

Jaxxy

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

That is a very tricky situation. If you were the girl it would be much simpler to be honest. A guy (in my experience) doesn't really get upset when they're told they could loose a few pounds but girls, seriously, what a can of worms. Unless it's seriously threatening your relationship or her health I would say nothing, believe me if you've noticed the weight gain she has too. I know I would be really hurt if my bf told me to lose weight. I know it would be a REALLY long time before I would be able to be naked again in front of him. If I were you I'd leave it alone, really, is her weight more importanct than her confidence, self esteem and confidence in your love?

Best of luck.

I'd have to agree with the above, broaching this subject can be very tricky. I have to ask, is her weight negatively impacting your current relationship? From your opening post I don't get that impression. If it isn't I'd leave well enough alone if I were you.

You've been dropping a fierce amount of hints. I'm sure she's not dense, I'm sure she's picked up on this. She's declined to respond to your "subtle" encouragement. I'd take this as a sign that her answer is a no and that she has no intention of changing her lifestyle.

Now if you've noticed a change in her behaviour as well as a change in her weight then there might be some underlying emotional issues that she isn't talking to you about. Then, be all means talk to her, ask her how she's doing, if she's been happy since she has moved in, etc. But if everything has been hunky dory and your relationship has been ticking along nicely I'd just count my blessings and suck it up.

Table Top Joe

Thought this thread might wind some people up the wrong way,surprised there hasnt been a lot worse comments from women!


Is it really asking too much that your OH makes an effort for you? when a girl puts on weight and doesnt give a ****(or at least appears not to)guys think shes lost interest in them too and doesnt care what he thinks,hardly a turn on,im single but i cant imagine going out with a girl who didnt turn me on physically,im not expecting Angelina Jolie btw,just make an efffort and act as if you care

Denimgirl

Angeles wrote: »

Hi all, i'm looking for advice to help my girlfriend lose weight!
I obviously can't just say "look i think your getting to fat and want you to lose weight" or can i?
I'm in my mid 20's and she's in her late 20's, we've being going out for over a year and she was well rounded when we met, but over the last few months has become more so then before.
Its starting to bother me, like she doesn't seem to care...

Ever since we moved togeather i've giving as many subtle hints as i can, like cooking more veggy's and providing more fruit even sugesting to go out alot more for walks or exorcise with me, but its never enough, instead of losing she seems to gain.

I just don't understand it nor know what i can do about it, i love her dearly as i know she does me and am very attracted to her but i find myself wondering if its me doing something wrong?

Its also alittle harder for me to understand how difficult it might be for her as i don't actully put on weight myself "yet" as i'm lucky enough to have a really high metabolism.

Any advise would be really appreciated.

You could be subtle about this and say something like a guy in work has been told to loose weight coz he was told he'd have major health problems if he does'n lose weight you could exagerate the story a bit more!!then say we must start eating healthy and say that you think you have put on weight and say she amay ask you did she put on weight,then suggest both of you'se joining a gym or walk evey night.say you are taking it seriously

showgirl

hi Op,
Sorry to hear that - i can assume how frustrating it is for you! sometimes when we get into a comfort zone we can just let ourselves go - i can see how this has happened! you need to get her to snap out of that comfort zone. are your evenings spent by watching the television and snacking etc...if so can you make a suggestion that as the evenings are long now that ye go for walks together, do something different every evening.

is it a case that ye are eating out alot - if so perhaps ye should change that to you cooking ( something healthy) at home!

There are loads of different ways of subtely changing a routine! I think it would be far worse you saying anything to her! I know that if a guy told me that I was putting on weight I would lose it with him - its a hard pill to swallow no matter how true it may be

Why not have more sex - that'll burn up more energy than you would imagine!! if you are going out drinking at weekends you can use the excuse that you dont want food that you are horny and want to get her home as quickly as possible!!

There are so many ways to motivate your other half that the lbs should drop off her quicker than you can imagine!!

good luck with it

LegacyUser

Someone said above can your gf not make an effort for YOU?

Ultimately, she can't.

She has to make the effort for herself. Having been the women who has 'made the effort' for the boyfriend who wanted me to be skinnier, I can tell you, it doesn't last. I made the effort, lost the weight, but I was doing it for HIM, not for me.
We split soon after.
Now I am slimmer than he ever thought imaginable..but I did it all for me.
Ultimately OP, she has to do it for herself. She has to want to do it. So yes, you can encourage her etc. But unless she wants to do if for herself, you can forget about it.
And finally, god help her having such a shallow boyfriend, who judges her on her weight.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I admit there's no easy answer, you'll come across as a bastard no matter how you phrase it - but there are reasons to say something.

She will get bigger and bigger. If someone's 5lb overweight its not a big deal as its only 5lbs overweight.... Something awful happens next- The person gains another 5lbs and thinks "well im only 5lb heavier than 6 moths ago.... then I'm only 5lbs heavier than 3 months ago"

No one becomes 5 stone overweight overnight. They get fatter and fatter because they look at themselves compared to recent history.

If this happens and it gets to the stage where she's too unattractive to have sex with and your relationship gets into serious difficulty you will be blamed for not bringing it up earlier

At the start of a relationship I always make it clear I find slim women attractive. that way if the girlfriend in the future starts putting on weight I'll have something to refer back to.

Don't feel guilty about this. Overweight women simply aren't attractive to many people and one is entitled to be physically attracted to their partner.

If you want to go the subtle approach you could start training in the gym regularly/eating healthily and try and talk her into going too, mentioning the benefits of going rather the disadvantages of not going.

I think a change in zeitgeist is needed about women's weight issues, but unfortunately you'll have to tread carefully.

profitius

OP I've been in this situation.

The only thing you can do is deal with it head on. Tell her you're not happy about her weight gain. Be prepared though, I done that and my GF was on a bit of a downer for a few days. She got over it and women will respect a man who speaks his mind rather then somebody who says nothing.

At the end of the day the least they can do is make an effort to maintain their health. If they neglect their health then they're not as attractive anymore.