Ex wants to be friends

LegacyUser

Long story short my ex dumped me last december were togehter for a yr and a half. the reasons were because we had some bad fights and things got negative between us. i felt a break would of been better but she called it quits.

right away i realised where we went wrong and i took it upon myself to turn things around and try again. a month later we were dating again and we were seeing each other for about 2 months doing everythin a couple does but she called it "casual". i had brought up the idea of gettin back together down the line and she didnt see it happening but i kept it goin hoping things would turn around.

anyway, after i told her how i felt about her, that i loved her blah blah she ignored me for 2 weeks then sent me an email sayin she doesnt feel the same and didnt want to hurt me.

a month later we started chattin again on msn, gettin on with each other so well like always and she came to mine a week later and we had sex. it was clear between us both it was just because we both wanted it and felt good doing it together because we dont want to be with anyone else.

she is goin back to spain now for the whole summer in 2 weeks and i said i would like to give us a try again.

i said we are attracted to each other, are so happy in each others company and there is still a spark there. but she says she just wants to be friends.

i know that the first response will be let it go move on blah blah, im doing that. i just feel confused and hurt. and it sucks so much because i know if she gave us a chance it would work.

i feel like she doesnt appreciate me and doesnt realise there is something there.

LegacyUser

You answered in your last post and I would agree with your analysis going by what you have written. Initiate no contact, make her miss you instead of being there all the time.

TitoPuente

Sorry to say it but save yourself a world of hurt and just move on. My advice is just to let her know that you still have very strong feelings and that you want to move on so the best thing is for the two of you to cut off contact with her until you're fully healed. Then stick to it. There's no other way really. Once you're completely over her, then you can go back to being friends.

G-Money

Don't agree to be friends and don't let her guilt/pressure you into it either. If you agree to it, you are just prolonging your own pain whilst she gets all the benefits of having you hanging around and you get to sit and wish you were with her and feel like crap when she goes off with someone else.

If it's over, it's over. She may throw a fit when her "lets just be friends" line doesn't work but hold your ground and don't capitulate.

Let's be honest, if you's aren't together as a couple, do you really have anything to lose by saying you don't want to be friends? I don't think so. You don't want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. So you've nothing to lose, you don't want to be her friend so why accept that?

Good luck.

LegacyUser

yep movin on. she said she could end up realise she is making a mistake down the line.

anyway im goin to see her, just as friends, before she goes back. its so hard but what can you do.

Gyalist

You wanted a "break" but "she called it quits"
You see it as "dating" but she sees it as "casual".
You declare your love and she ignores you for two weeks.
How much clearer does she have to be that she doesn't want a relationship with you? She's told you already by both words and action. Her having sex with you doesn't mean that she wants a relationship. It just means that she's sexually attracted to you. The "something there" clearly isn't shared by her.

LegacyUser

I don't want to sound smart ass, but in my opinion, when someone said to me "we can be friends", I aways said " I have enough friends, thanks...." (but not enough lovers...)

TitoPuente

Confused88 wrote: »

she said she could end up realise she is making a mistake down the line.

That's a pretty common one that's used. She realises that the grass may not be greener on the other side, she may want to come back to you at some point and is giving you false hope in order to keep you hanging on in there as long as possible.

Like I said, cut off contact with her and move on. By all means go back as friends once you're completely over her but don't let her play games with you.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

You wanted a "break" but "she called it quits"
You see it as "dating" but she sees it as "casual".
You declare your love and she ignores you for two weeks.
How much clearer does she have to be that she doesn't want a relationship with you? She's told you already by both words and action. Her having sex with you doesn't mean that she wants a relationship. It just means that she's sexually attracted to you. The "something there" clearly isn't shared by her.

well she could of not let me take her out for dinner, sleep in my bed and talk about going on holidays together in the summer.

when love is gone, its gone. none of that goes on.

anyway, thanks for all the posts they are helpful. i myself am cutting off contact, she wants to see me she can.

seenitall

grandmaster wrote: »

Don't agree to be friends and don't let her guilt/pressure you into it either. If you agree to it, you are just prolonging your own pain whilst she gets all the benefits of having you hanging around and you get to sit and wish you were with her and feel like crap when she goes off with someone else.

If it's over, it's over. She may throw a fit when her "lets just be friends" line doesn't work but hold your ground and don't capitulate.

Let's be honest, if you's aren't together as a couple, do you really have anything to lose by saying you don't want to be friends? I don't think so. You don't want to be her friend, you want to be her boyfriend. So you've nothing to lose, you don't want to be her friend so why accept that?

Good luck.

Grandmaster, you seem to have a fixation with girls trying to guilt/pressure guys into friendships and throwing fits when they don't get their way. If that is a personal issue for you, I deeply sympathise, but NOTHING in this guy's post even remotely suggests that this girl would react in such an extreme way if he decides he can't be friends with her. I feel your post is very presumptious and is making projections of your own issues onto other people.

All I am reading from the post is two people who had a relationship when it suited them both, then had sex out of the relationship when it suited them both, and when, after that, one of them declared to harbour feelings for the other, she was completely above board, acting decently in saying she didn't feel the same. She has done nothing wrong.

OP, if you don't feel appreciated by her, you have your answer. You know that it is in your own interest to move on and look for someone who will want you and appreciate your offer of a loving relationship.

As to "she doesn't realise there is something there", that is because there is nothing there for her. It seems to be there only on your side. See above on how to proceed.

G-Money

seenitall wrote: »

Grandmaster, you seem to have a fixation with girls trying to guilt/pressure guys into friendships and throwing fits when they don't get their way. If that is a personal issue for you, I deeply sympathise, but NOTHING in this guy's post even remotely suggests that this girl would react in such an extreme way if he decides he can't be friends with her. I feel your post is very presumptious and is making projections of your own issues onto other people.

You'd be surprised how many girls react that way is all I'm saying.

seenitall

Or maybe you should take a closer look at what kind of girl you feel attracted to and why.