single mum and preg again by same man

mum1983

i just dont know what do with my situation! let me explain...im a single mother to a 2 year old boy, he sees his dad regulary, however i recently lost 3 stone and went a bit off rails, was drinking heavily at weekends, however i managed to sleep with my childs dad one sat nite,the following nite i went out again and slept with another man, i know i know i was stupid and im not looking for symapathy here , i just need advice, the following day i took morning after pill and thought nothing more of it

however 3 weeks later i found out i was preg, i was guttted and felt cheated that the morning after pill didnt work, i told my ex i was preg and unsure of paternity, naturally enough he was disgusted! trying cut long story short here, however i decided i wanted get a paternity test done, i travelled to sheffield and got a prenatal dna test, swabs were taken from my baby by amniocesses and i recently got results that my ex is father again, i am now 8 months pregnant, rite wha im trying say is what is goin to happen with my loan parents? will i be cut off because iv two kids same dad? im thinking of showing them the proof of results that my ex is def the dad but worried they wont believe me, my ex is def not involved with me as he said he would never trust me, so i am going be single mum again! but will social welfare cut me off cause iv two kids with same dad? please dont lecture me, nothing can make me feel any worse than i already do

Penny Dreadful

mum1983 wrote: »

i just dont know what do with my situation! let me explain...im a single mother to a 2 year old boy, he sees his dad regulary, however i recently lost 3 stone and went a bit off rails, was drinking heavily at weekends, however i managed to sleep with my childs dad one sat nite,the following nite i went out again and slept with another man, i know i know i was stupid and im not looking for symapathy here , i just need advice, the following day i took morning after pill and thought nothing more of it

however 3 weeks later i found out i was preg, i was guttted and felt cheated that the morning after pill didnt work, i told my ex i was preg and unsure of paternity, naturally enough he was disgusted! trying cut long story short here, however i decided i wanted get a paternity test done, i travelled to sheffield and got a prenatal dna test, swabs were taken from my baby by amniocesses and i recently got results that my ex is father again, i am now 8 months pregnant, rite wha im trying say is what is goin to happen with my loan parents? will i be cut off because iv two kids same dad? im thinking of showing them the proof of results that my ex is def the dad but worried they wont believe me, my ex is def not involved with me as he said he would never trust me, so i am going be single mum again! but will social welfare cut me off cause iv two kids with same dad? please dont lecture me, nothing can make me feel any worse than i already do

Call Citizen's Advice to find out what happens to your single parent's allowance. Then go to your GP and get a script for the Pill, use condoms when having sex and stop drinking. How the hell did you manage to go out and drink so heavily when you're a single parent? Whatever about someone babysitting when you were out at night who was minding your child when you were hungover the next day?:mad:

Kristopherus

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Call Citizen's Advice to find out what happens to your single parent's allowance. Then go to your GP and get a script for the Pill, use condoms when having sex and stop drinking. How the hell did you manage to go out and drink so heavily when you're a single parent? Whatever about someone babysitting when you were out at night who was minding your child when you were hungover the next day?:mad:

Not to mention Social Workers getting involved.Getting caught once is stupid, a second time is just plain careless. And all at the taxpayers expense.

mum1983

i understand some people be annoyed but cause im a single mother i cant have few drinks? if i wasnt a single mother there wouldnt be a word said about it, and as for social services? what have they got to do with it?my kid taken off me cause i had drinks at the weekend? i made a mistake and iv paid the price for it ok, a big price too, the dna test cost 2,000 euro which im paying back weekly for, least i got dna test done to prove paternity and i was honest all along, there many people out there that lie to there exs etc about child paternity. im not bad mother, i only made a mistake, must feel so good to be soooo perfect!

Khannie

Ok, I don't want any further judgements cast against the OP in this thread. She has come on asking for specific advice, let's keep it to that. Thanks.

OP: I would suggest checking the citizens information web site (or dropping in to your nearest one). I don't actually know the answer, but I'm sure they will. If you can reasonably prove that you're not living with the father of the children I can't see any reason that they would stop your lone parent benefits.

January

Listen, mistakes were made, I don't think this woman needs to be jumped open by other posters because she was out drinking, everybody is entitled to a few drinks. She is a mother, but I doubt she left the child on his/her own to get bladdered.

DSFA will not stop your OPFA, they will however ask questions as to how you got pregnant by the same man if you were not with him. Yes, things happen, but they will not take this lightly and they may launch an investigation, which would mean surprise visits to your house to make sure the man in question is not cohabiting with you. Of course, if you are telling the truth this should not worry you too much.

Penny Dreadful, maybe she got a loan from a family member, she did mention that she is paying it back weekly. OPFA is the same as JSB, 196€ a week and €23 (I think) per child. Deductions are made depending on how much maintanence the other parent is giving.

wmpdd3

I have a very close friend in the same situation. I hope you feel you are a good mother to your 2 year old because you are going to have to be twice the mother if not more to the two of them. They will be close in age, you will need transportation, double buggies etc. It's much harder to get a sitter for 2 kids under 3 years old.

There's is no doubt it is going to be very had going until the youngest is atleast 4 years old, but you have to make a decision now how you are going to turn your life around and make the best life for your kids. I can guarantee you the lone parents even with 2 kids is not enough to live on, let alone go drinking with. In my opinion, you will have to aim for a 20hour per week job by the time the youngest one is 3.

Yes it's a mess with the kids father but that's a small part of the issue. You have to get your feelings straight in you head about the situation. If you need professional help with this , then this is the time to get it.

When that is done you have to start planning for your family.

Lean on your friends / family for help as you will need it.

implausible

OP, are you fully reliant on the loan parent's payment? Does your ex not pay maintenance?

Even if he doesn't want to be involved, it takes two to tango and he should be paying up.

mum1983

thanks for your posts, iv thought all this through and i know it will be very hard, in fact i had abortion booked in the marie stopes clinic , i travelled to manchester but just couldn do it, not childs fault i messed up. yes the dad pays maintenance and is very much going to be in the childs life , he just dosnt wan know me which is fine, i am also already working part time in dublin while youngest is in creche, i travel one hr to work every morning and back again so its tough, anyways this post is more upsetting to me than i thought it would be, im sorry i put it up now, im a good mother, just one weekend in my 27 years of life that i made slip up and paying price, i had borrow the money from my mother who is 70 years age? imagine having to tell her all this ? was heartbreaking, but i needed face up truth, find out paternity and deal with it, thanks for those who helped, not coming on this again xxx

Nevyn

mum1983 if you wish this thread deleted just send a message to one of the parenting mods. We are all human and make mistakes and I was appalled at they way certain posters reacted to you and one of them has been banned from the forum.

Lots of people slip up and have ex sex with the parent of thier kid, it happens,
esp when a person gets lonely and life is not how they expected it to be.

There will always be judgemental people, but you have to ignore them and focus on what matters, your children. You child is going to have a sibling which is a wonderful gift
and that you and they are happy and healthy is what matters.

lynski

sorry you feel you cant come on here again, i know 2 girls in the same situation (bigger gaps 8yrs ad 10 yrs, so it happens a lot i think).
boards people can be hard but they can be supportive too.
your opfa should not be deducted as your status has not changed.
you are going to have some hard times ahead, 2 is tough but in a few months time you will not be thinking this was a mistake. your 2yr old is lucky to have a sibling, and their life will be so enhanced. so many one parent families are also one child families. you will experience joy beyond belief when you see them together and they will always have each other.
you have made your mistake, put it behind you now and give yourself a break and then move on, these regrets will mean nothing in a few months and even less in a few years.

Swizzles

Kristopherus wrote: »

Not to mention Social Workers getting involved.Getting caught once is stupid, a second time is just plain careless. And all at the taxpayers expense.

He without sin cast the first stone and all that!!!
Op is not looking for anything other than advise...!
Can i ask why people decide to slag this lady and not the man who also helped in the making of these babies..:mad:


As far as i know you still can get single parents allowance..After all you still are a single parent..Best to get on to your local citizens advice centre and ask.Good luck !

houseman

Op, i think youre very brave for posting here looking for advice & for your honesty - I wish you all the best in the next few weeks. I am also 8 months so can understand what your going through physically- and thats tough enough to deal with, never mind the mental stress of what you're going through. Please feel free to PM me or post here to rant over the next few weeks. Let us all know how your keeping. There's some really good support people on the forum here so use it whenever you need to..and ignore the few who think they have the right to stand and judge.

caprilicious

mum1983 take no notice of the people that left horrible replies, its nice for them that they're so perfect.
I don't know the ins and outs regarding benefits but I doubt they would penalise/cut you off financially, especially not now that you really need it.

I hope your pregnancy has gone well and that you are keeping well.
I recently had a little girl and I tell you something, it gave me a huge respect for single mums that have to go it alone.
I had the support of my husband & family but still found the first fortnight or so very hard.

I think it will be lovely for your 2 year old to have a brother/sister. The best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, not long now! I hope all goes well