Not hanging out together

LegacyUser

Here's the general routine, getting worse now that winter is here (southern hemipshere).

Living with G/F of two years. Come home from work, moan about the days work and then one of us cooks dinner. Then for the rest of the night I might go for a walk or mess about in the garden, she'll generally be on her PC in the sitting room all night or watching ****e TV and i'll be in my "fun" room on my pc. We don't like each others taste in TV at all and dont listen to music together. So mostly we spend the 5 or 6 hours after work before bed apart in the same house just doing our own thing. We don't have many friends and for the last while haven't had any money to go out or do stuff. Weekends can go the same way unless one of us is out doing something. Shes usually never bothered to come walking with me and never spends time outside in the garden. We dont do couply things like going to the beach or out for dinner much. I really feel like we're on different levels mentally and don't have deep meaningful conversations at all. I'm feeling extremely lonely and bored most nights, we started a night class together doing a language but apart from that it feels we've no shared interests whatsoever except for travel. When we do travel together we end up fighting half the time!

Im in a rut, cant think that this is all a relationship should be, is this what other couples do? The fact we're in a new country and dont have many friends either makes it worse I know but can it be healthy to be sitting in seperate rooms staring at our pcs all night? Then a kiss goodnight and its off to sleep before the next day begins...

dudara

The questions is are you friends, or are you lovers? Because what you're describing there is friendship.

Relationships can go stale and fall into ruts. Both of you need to start breaking out of that rut. Start organising some activity once a week - regular cinema trips or a meal once a week. Even going to the pub for a drink or two. You need to get out of that house!

Des Carter

Im going to suggest something that may sound a little strange but you could actually try you know talking to her about it. I mean I know how crazy and ridiculous that sounds but it might help. youll find out if she feels the same way and it might even lead to one of those deep meaningfull conversations.

LegacyUser

What brought you two together in the first place? Didn't you have anything in common?
And what motivated you to move in together? How did you imagine back then that you would spend your time?

The way you describe things now it sounds more like a relationship of convenience, you are living together and sharing the rent and cooking and even a bit of companionship - just having someone around the house - but you could have housemates for that. I think you need to focus on the spark you must have once had and what excites you about each other and really decide if that is still there.

Jaxxy

Shes usually never bothered to come walking with me and never spends time outside in the garden.

I find this part of your post interesting. Walking and spending time in the garden are your interests. Why should she show an interest in what you like to do if you don't do the same thing? Surely she enjoys other things, not just watching (as you say) "****e" TV or messing around on her laptop. You've obviously known her a long time. What things did you do together as a couple in the beginning?

As someone has already mentioned, talk to her about it. This is a two-way street. If you want both of you to share in activities as a couple then you have to do things that she likes, and she has to do things that you like. Taking a language course is a good start. Why not have a "date night"? If you can't afford to go out for dinner or drinks why don't each of you take it in turns to cook a really nice meal once a week, for the both of you, with candles, background music and a bottle or two of vino? Set aside one evening when both of you sit together for a couple of hours, enjoy some nice food and discuss your weeks at work, etc.

You've stated that you have nothing in common anymore. If you value your relationship at all perhaps it's time to rediscover what attracted you to each other in the first place. If it turns out that your list of cons outweigh the pros then maybe it's time to reevaluate. If you're unhappy you have to be proactive and do something about it. Try not to remain stuck in your rut, because that's what will likely kill your relationship.

Lucyx

how do you feel about her? do you still say i love you to each other?

you guys need to be more stimulating to each other. you need a social life together and a social life apart. both of these will give you things to talk about, which is essential to keep a relationship healthy. the cinema once a week is the minimum you should be doing.

by the way you describe your relationship, it almost seems like you must feel akward in each others company. do you?