Should I stay or should I go

LegacyUser

Evening all

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible - I'm a mid-twenties male in an long distance relationship. We've been going out for almost a year and a half. I pretty much all of the travelling as my gf's job requires her to work at least one day most weekends and at once a month, both days. So even when I do get to see her, it's not ideal as it is usually after me being on my own for most of the day, and her coming home tired.

Over the past few weeks I have to admit I've found my interest waning fairly dramatically.
Things used to be exciting and I'd love coming down to her, but as time has gone on, I've found that cracks have emerged.

The first is her job - it totally dominates and controls the relationship. She works a 40-45 hour week most weeks, at irregular hours, and they sometimes even make her work ten days in a row without a day off. She is sick far more often than I would think is normal, probably due to stress. It kind of came to a head for me this weekend as they want her to move jobs to a store 50 miles away from where she currently lives. She is only three months into a lease on a gorgeous apartment, and they want her to start in the store within three weeks!! They asked her on Friday and want an answer tomorrow! Which is ridiculous.

Additionally, she had to go in to the store late tonight, as the alarm in the store went off and because she is the manager with the keys, and the shopping centre where her store is based is too scabby to pay for 24hr security, she had to go in and wait for engineers to arrive for an hour and a half- all in all, her employers are a pack of ****s. This stress makes its way into the relationship, and it makes it very difficult for us to plan or even be spontaneous - we work to a very regimented, controlled schedule when seeing each other.

It just seems to be one after another with her job, and my patience with them has pretty much run out at this stage. All we talk about is her job and how s**t it is, but yet she doesnt seem to try to address it! She wants to leave but won't because she feels she wont get another job for ages. To be honest, I think packing in her apt, going on the dole and moving back home while she looks for a new job is a better option than working for her employer. She wont starve on 800 a month from the scratcher living at home.

The other thing that annoys me, is that lately, she has had this cavalier attitude towards the relationship sometimes. She went and booked a holiday for herself and didnt tell me until 2 weeks after she booked it, and got herself and her friend Oxegen tickets
and basically said I wasn't invited but to arrange to go with my friends and we could meet up later on ! She says she loves me more than any other guy she has been with, but when she pulls stunts like that, on top of constantly harping on about her job and rarely asking me about mine or how my day has been, I kind of feel like I only play a minor role in the relationship, that she dictates and decides, and I am thoroughly fed up.

I've found my interest in the relationship waning, and I've developed a crush on a girl I work with. We were out together on Friday night, and both myself and my other friends felt there was some chemistry there, but then I would never two-time my girlfriend, I'm not that sort of guy. All in all, it doesn't look good.

All polite opinions/ advice requested and welcome

Cheers

Gaunty

I'm in the exact same boat, everything you said is how i feel about my relationship too. Is kinda freaky. So no advice from me cos it would be biased but i'm interested in the neutral replies you get.

Faith

Hi OP, didn't you start another thread on this recently? If it's gotten to the point where you're starting two RI threads asking if you should be with her, I think you know the answer yourself.

King Mallie

Hi Op,

Simple answer get rid. If your doing that much complain then ite time to call it off. She clearly dosn't want you.:eek:

XarcherX

hey op, i wouldn't be going down the road of dumping her straight away. Have you spoken to her about any of this as she may not be aware of how unhappy you are? maybe if you did she'd try do something about it! If she doesn't, well then you know where you stand.
Job or no job she's gonna have to start compromising somewhere, you doing all the travelling and constantly listening to her talk about herself and her job must be wearing... but after a year and a half you should at least tell her how you feel first before just finishing it.
talk to her, then sit back and see if she makes an effort. Actions speak louder than words.

Denimgirl

XarcherX wrote: »

hey op, i wouldn't be going down the road of dumping her straight away. Have you spoken to her about any of this as she may not be aware of how unhappy you are? maybe if you did she'd try do something about it! If she doesn't, well then you know where you stand.
Job or no job she's gonna have to start compromising somewhere, you doing all the travelling and constantly listening to her talk about herself and her job must be wearing... but after a year and a half you should at least tell her how you feel first before just finishing it.
talk to her, then sit back and see if she makes an effort. Actions speak louder than words.

I totally agree with xarcherx speak with her,but she does sound a little selfish of she has time to book a holiday with her mates why does she not have time to visit youspeak with her,relationships are hard work too many people bail out without talking are looking for a solution but if it's all one way!then you must jog on...