Signs?

LegacyUser

What are the signs men give when they have feelings for a woman? When they might be falling in love?

I'm in an on again off again relationship with someone who is as scared of relationships as I am.

I plan on having a chat with him but what I say will depend on what I think he's thinking (i.e. how open i'll be).

Some of his actions and words tell me he's falling for me, hard. But then other things contradict that.

Can anyone help? I've no clue. What are men like or what signs do they give if they've got feelings for you?

whatsamsn

Hmm, i'll try to make this a short post. but sorry if it drags on a bit.

Now alot of people will say everyone has different degrees of how much affection they show when in love. this is somewhat true, i say "some what" - but what I mean is basically 90% of the time. Some people are very open and hold hands, hug, look into each others eyes etc. Of course there are people out there reserved a little.


But the way to tell if your boyfriend actually loves you is to use you own gut instinct and just to read him/the relationship .. "how?" you are probably thinking? Problem is its hard to do so when you have feelings for someone.

But see how he acts around you. From his affection, to actions, to overall on everything how he acts. Our behavior is a tell-tale sign to how we really feel about things. I am not saying over-analyze everything. Just put certain pieces together and you should have your answer.
I should also note that the eyes are a big thing too. The eyes say it all (you've probably heard that expression - its true) If he doesnt gaze into yours, even just for a second, but more importantly if they dont light up ... thats something to take note of. What I am trying to say here is a person is smart. Everyone has the ability to read things. There is a lot of people on this board who will agree with if they stopped, looked and read things before in failed relationships, they would of stopped alot of heartache/problems.


But what I am more worried about is what you said in your post. The things that contradict his other actions. These are the things you should pay attention too. These are the things that matter the most. The old saying "judge a person by their actions, not what they say";

Maybe you should go into more detail about this contradiction?

seenitall

There is a saying that goes:

"If a man wants you, he'll find you even under a rock."

It took me a loooooong time and years of heartbreak to completely grasp the wisdom of this. Wisdom and contentment are dearly paid for in unpleasant experience.

I still want to have a bf, I still want to be loved, I will still daydream about a guy who I like, but the difference nowadays is that it is all good fun, as I am not easily confused about men any more. I don't do any more second-guessing his feelings and intentions - if he wants me, I'm there and he'll get me if he puts enough effort in, and if he doesn't want me, all the flirting in the world will not make me pine for him or be his ego-boost girl. Those days are gone. He will have to find someone else to feed his ego off of.

This is just my 2 cents worth, hope it helps.

miec

I'm in an on again off again relationship with someone who is as scared of relationships as I am.

This worries me Op, if he was really into you he would be open about it and not this on off stuff. Equally, you could be also doing this and if so you need to understand why?

In my experience when a man is genuinely interested in you, he will show you big time, whether he is a shy man, who will say very little but will always ring you when he says he would, turn up, be delighted in your company to the more expressive man who will do the above and tell you how he feels in a clear and uncomplicated manner. I believe that most if not all men are pretty literal in their communication, if they like they will tell you, if they are only slightly interested then they tend to mess you around through a variety of methods but usually under the guise of 'being scared'. A famous example of this is Simon Cowell, he was with some woman for years as his 'partner', met someone else and within the year he is engaged. He was no longer 'scared of committment'.

LegacyUser

he's not said that he has commitment issues as an excuse.
it was part of a different discussion about our past relationships, our fears etc. a real opening up and bonding.

the best way i can describe what happens between us is the rubber band effect. we get extremely, scarily close. both panic. then run in the opposite direction for a while.

as i said, our relationship is complicated and i don't want to give too much detail on here in case i can be identified.

all i'll say is that i've been the one pushing for boundaries and putting limits on the relationship. i've been constant in that. then we both pull away when we get closer.

aside from the obvious - i.e. he'll tell you....are there any other signs?

i'm not one of those who believes that everything is so straight forward. i think situations complicate things and sometimes it's difficult for people to tell each other how they really feel. but they might say things or do things to show it. am i off the mark here? or am i right? and if so, what things would be a good indicator?