I just can't let it go. I can't get over it..

LegacyUser

ok, so I more or less finished with someone mid feb, after a short but relatively intense relationship, and I just can't move on. I can't let it go, and it gets in the way of me doing everyday stuff.

There was just never any 100% closure, and that's what eats me up. At the same time, I can't think of reasons why I should be all pent up and angry about it, but I am, and it's doing my head in. I think of this person all the time, and I get all angry, and bitter, and I know this person isn't feeling the same way. They are getting on with their lives I'm sure, and that makes me even more bitter and angry and pi*sed off...

They sent me the odd text and email after it finished, and I told them to stop contacting me, as it was doing my head in, and I haven't heard anything since. This is also doing me head in, but I know it's for the best...

I know I should just get on with it, but I'm sitting here now, and I just can't move on, I can't get on with things and I don't know what to do about it...

Miss Fluff

You poor thing. I could have written that post last year. Same situation as you, it ended in July and still around September I was still feeling so utterly desolate and unhappy. I thought my life would never get back to normal. And that I would never ever be able to get over the person.

You will.

I remember having a four-hour conversation with my older brother around that time (families really are great and will put up with sh1t no-one else will) and one thing that really resonated with me was the fact that I would only really truly be over this person when I stopped harbouring hopes of getting back with the guy. What a revelation that was for me!!!! Honestly! It was something to aim for. So I concentrated on what WASN'T all so great about this guy (namely the fact that he'd dumped me and broken my heart) and gradually I took him off the pedestal he was on.

(Actually, it has just dawned on me now that it is five to midnight and I hadn't though of that guy all day. I never thought I could go five minutes without thinking of him!!!) It has taken time. And a lot of tears. And a lot of wine. And amazing family and amazing friends BUT you will move on.

Allow yourself to wallow and allow yourself to process. It's ok to feel hurt and don't mind anyone thinking or saying that your hurt is disproportionate to the amount of time you spent with this person. People feel things differently. I know I felt more about this guy in a few months then I did anyone. You can live a lifetime in a day so forget precedents or "norms" of any sort.

Cutting contact is the very best thing you could have done. You can't get over them while you're still involved in any way. As I say many times in PI, pretend the other person is dead. Truly. It's the only way to really and truly move on once and for all.

Finally, big hugs to you. I've been there and it's like being stuck down a well and feeling you'll never get out again. YOU WILL.

LegacyUser

wow, miss fluff, thanks for that. That was a good reply. Thing is , I know good friend of theirs, and everytime I see them I will be thinking about this person. I'll probably get over it eventually, maybe, but the fact I was so cagey about getting involved with someone again, makes me feel twice as bad.
I am thinking about all the bad things about them, and the bullsh*t they told me, just so it will make it easier, but it doesn't, and that's what does me head in....

Miss Fluff

If you know a good friend of theirs then just avoid them. You have to pretend the person is dead for now. Seriously. Don't ask how they are/enquire after their health/seek out information about them. You can only move on when you know nothing about this other person or what they are doing. Your ties to them ended the day you broke up. Otherwise you'll analyse every nugget of information as a "sign" that you are meant to be etc.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I totally sympathise. I was in a very similar situation, a very intense and (for me anyway) meaningful relationship but it only took the guy about a month and a half to cheat on me so often that I had to give up. And despite myself I still now, a year later and about 4 months since he last even contacted me (he used to keep me on the hook, something I only accepted in December) find myself thinking about him, wondering if he thinks about me, etc. I really feel your pain when you say that you think the other guy has just moved on with their life while you're left in this state of mind. I would just recommend that you talk to a trusted friend, articulate how you feel. It'll make things feel much better. And I agree as well with the earlier poster, you need to just act as if this person doesn't exist or at least remember their flaws. It does help in forgetting them. I wish you all the luck in the world in finding a guy who really deserves you.x

LegacyUser

yeah, i have been thinking about all the bad things to try and forget, but then I think of some of the good times...arrrggghhh. not good....
I was even out last week, and every woman I saw, I put an imaginary figure of the "ex" beside them as if to compare how they would stack up to each other
I'm a guy by the way.... lol.....

Miss Fluff

As a friend pointed out to me at the time, and I'd say the same to you, this girl is not all that special if she turned around and dumped you. Seriously. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.

LegacyUser

yeah, that's what's making me angry, the fact I am thinking of her despite what I did. I'm sure I'll get over it in time, but feel I have to vent sometimes...

LegacyUser

eatingmeup wrote: »

I am thinking about all the bad things about them, and the bullsh*t they told me, just so it will make it easier, but it doesn't, and that's what does me head in....

I broke up with someone around the same time. I still think of them too : (. He wasn't treating me the way I wanted to be treated, but at the back of it all I know he's a sound guy and it was all just a case of him not realising that he was being a bit of an immature prat and was p*ssing me off!

I think of him fondly now, and who knows maybe somewhere further down the line we'll be on the same page and things will work out. In saying that though, I have moved on (for my own peace of mind) and am open to meeting new people. The initial time after the break up is always the hardest, but soon you'll suddenly realise you've gone without thinking about her for a whole day, and then more. It happens so gradually that it's hard to see an improvement in your outlook, but it does happen

good luck with moving on, you'll feel better once you do : )

LegacyUser

unreggggg, you sound like you could be her...

LegacyUser

eatingmeup wrote: »

unreggggg, you sound like you could be her...

That's mad because your initial post reminded me of my own break up! (apart from the bit where you asked to stop keeping in contact...I didn't make that much contact after the break up)
We broke up unexpectedly just after midnight on Valentine's Day-I have impeccable timing : ). Ring any bells?

If I am her and you are him, well I really don't know what else to say except ring me ya nincompoop : P

And if you're not him, more's the pity. Good luck with getting over your ex, you'll get there : )

LegacyUser

I was around valentines day as well, but it wasn't around midnight...it could just be coincidence. I'm thinking that's probably the case.....
It's just hard to move on from something that should be straight forward to do....
99% of the time in the past, I would have moved on without a thought.

LegacyUser

eatingmeup wrote: »

I was around valentines day as well, but it wasn't around midnight...it could just be coincidence. I'm thinking that's probably the case.....
It's just hard to move on from something that should be straight forward to do....
99% of the time in the past, I would have moved on without a thought.

Ha, Valentine's Day break up for you too? How can a day dedicated to love be so cruel!

You're finding it difficult to move on, when in the past you never had any problems with moving on. You should get in touch with her. Let her know what you've said here. Even if she says she doesn't see the two of you getting together again, at least you'll know and you can start to put it behind you.

There are really no hard and fast rules when it comes to relationships. Everyone's different. I suggest you go with your gut feeling on this and do the thing that will benefit you in the long run

all the best

LegacyUser

nah, can't get in touch. That's the problem. I told this person not to get in touch as I was still into them, and what they might have though were innocent texts or emails saying "how are things" only drove me mad as it only got me thinking of them again.
I reckon I just got to tough it out and get through it....

LegacyUser

Ok you should do what you feel is best. You'll get through it, might seem impossible now, but you will. Always remember you have a lot to offer anyone you meet. Thinking this way has helped me get through my own tough times

LegacyUser

aggh, woke up this morning ,and had had a dream that I was just having a general conversation with this person, a short dream. I can't even sleep without them popping into my head now