FB but not..........

LegacyUser

First time poster so I hope this is the right place.
I met a guy a while ago. We're both in our 20s. I'm 25 and he is 22. He has never been in a relationship.
I have been in two long term relationships (one for nearly 2 years, one for 3 years). In between I've played the field quite a bit. I had a few FB type things for a while. They were fine. Casual sex when required, no intimacy and they usually fizzled out in time, no hard feelings.(just saying that I know what a FB entails).

Anyway me and him were dating and one evening after a few drinks I brought up the fact that I wanted us to be a couple. Dumb move but I did it.
He thought about it and a week or so later (after I pushed the issue) he said he didn't want to be in a couple.
So we ended things.
I was upset and surprised as he seemed really into me. He called when he said. He made time to see me. He told me he'd never felt about a girl the way he felt about me. He said he was crazy about me.

When it ended he wanted to keep dating me but I said no. But I hadn't counted on how much I would miss him.I've been ok but pretty miserable missing him.

I was out walking at the weekend and I met him. We were chatting and we decided to go for a chat in a coffee shop. 4 hours later we were still talking.

So last night I met him in a bar. We ended up going back to mine and we slept together. It's like we'd never been apart.

I know this is more than a FB thing. The sex isnt perfunctory, it's about holding and kissing and it's after hours of talking and laughing and kissing and cuddling. He acts like he cares. It's hard to explain but I've had sex for sexs sake and this isn't like that.

But he still doesn't want a relationship.

What do I do? I feel myself falling for him again. Do I go with it and worry about the label later? Or am I being used and he's just a great performer?

I want to just go with it. I think I pushed too hard, too fast.

I just don't know. My head says it's a mistake to see him but I feel like it's not.

Help??

TitoPuente

Sorry to be so blunt but it sounds like you should try and move on. He says he doesn't want a relationship so you should take that at face value and get out now before you end up getting your head seriously f**ked up. I can never understand these people who are happy to engage in intimate relationships knowing full well that they're not interested in anything long-term. Seems a bit creepy to be honest. Do yourself a favour and get out now!

ilovetosing

Hi OP. Sounds like you are pretty sure of what you want and you wanna go along for the ride! Well I will tell you I think you should go with it. Go out! have fun, sleep together and do everything you and him both wanna do! I was in the exact same position with my GF In was beginning and she was the exact same! we had both claimed we didnt want to be a couple so we just said fook it we will go with the flow! 9 months later and things are different now because even tho I didn't want anything serious at the time and I held my feelings back I still fell in love with her and to this date its been the best thing to ever happen to me.

So do not totally write this off! This guy could realise that you are what he has been waiting for to really want to get into something! Since he has never had a GF then it just might take him a little time! You have nothing to lose really imo!

Miss Fluff

Confusedalot wrote: »

I know this is more than a FB thing. The sex isnt perfunctory, it's about holding and kissing and it's after hours of talking and laughing and kissing and cuddling. He acts like he cares. It's hard to explain but I've had sex for sexs sake and this isn't like that.

I've had all of the above with FBs I've had. Sex with a f8ck-buddy doesn't have to be perfunctory necessarily, I've had really intimate sex and great fun/laughs/tenderness with f8ck buddies but it didn't alter the fact that I didn't want to get into a relationship with these men.

The guy you are talking about is a classic example of a guy who does what he says on the tin. He has been really open and honest and has explicitly said he does NOT want a relationship with you.

So you saying it is "more than a FB thing" is, I'm sorry to say, merely your interpretation of the situation. If you can't handle that and genuinely want more then you simply have to stop sleeping with him. Don't continue in the hope it will develop into something else, it won't. I've stopped seeing FB's if they have become too attached because it is only leading people on and giving them false hope, and you are clearly have false hope at the moment. Give yourself a break and move on.

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=Miss Fluff;65546983So you saying it is "more than a FB thing" is, I'm sorry to say, merely your interpretation of the situation. If you can't handle that and genuinely want more then you simply have to stop sleeping with him. Don't continue in the hope it will develop into something else, it won't. I've stopped seeing FB's if they have become too attached because it is only leading people on and giving them false hope, and you are clearly have false hope at the moment. Give yourself a break and move on.[/QUOTE]
Exactly what I was going to say. You think FB should be cold and clinical. Cuddling, holding, pillow talk can all be part of a FB meetup. But they are still FB meetups, not a relationship. That won't change no matter how long you sleep with him or how intimate you think it is. Continue sleeping with him if you want. But be prepared for when he says I can't sleep with you anymore, I've met someone special.

I think there should be a sticky at the top "Do FB's work" and it can link to all these type of threads, so people can see how most end in disaster and heartache.